Updated 11/13/00         1685, 2017, 1434, 1284, 3269, 5807

THIS WEB SITE IS NOW UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT
IMPROVEMENTS TO COME !!
This page was on the net for a few years offering many pen pal addresses and some advice.

Now as time has gone on, it is clear that having your wedding in Asia is very easy, 
but finding your last best wife of a lifetime is more difficult.

In short, both western men and Filipinas I have known have made some mistakes.

This web page is now focused on stopping bad mistakes.


There are FIVE main sections...

MISTAKES

WHERE TO FIND ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS

PEN PAL ADDRESSES

WHAT YOU WILL FIND

GENERAL


MISTAKES

If you marry a poor pen pal in Asia and give her a lot of money (specific example I 
am thinking of was $10,000) so she can live in her country while you work on the 
visa, it may be that she will never fly to you.

You gave her more money than her family will earn for the next 10 years.  She rules 
the roost at home.  She is adored.  Her friends court her.  She has want for 
nothing.  She will not fly to you unless she is very much in love with you.  Maybe 
think of a less expensive and less risky test.

If you have a rough, gruff unpleasant personality that drives away people, don't 
think that an Asian female will be happy facing your wrath each day.  Sad to say, 
an old pen pal of mine married a man she and her family found to be very unpleasant 
so she could receive an American Visa.

OK.  It is a bit more complicated than that.  He pestered her endlessly to marry him. 
He was aggressive over a long time and would not take no for an answer.  He won 
her hand, but not her heart.  She thought she could change him after the wedding. 

The marriage failed.  Learn from this.


Asian females: you can say NO to impolite requests from westerners.  Please learn to 
say  N O  if something does not feel right! 

Like traditional arranged marriages, like picture brides, like the prairie wives 
brought in from the eastern US, a pen pal courtship and vacation meeting will not 
always guaranty a deep mutual intimate bonding.  This comes with time mostly.

A man and a woman can start with no love, are married, and grow to find intense 
companionship and love.  It does happen.  But don't always count on it.

Before you marry or become engaged, require that you and her have feelings and can 
communicate your feelings well to each other.

Communication.  It is difficult.  It really is.  A female in the Philippines will not 
speak out and will keep things to herself.  Her problems will catch you by complete 
surprise + you will NOT see things from her innocent perspective.  She is NOT a worldly 
American.  You will not and cannot know that there is any problem until she is silent. 
Silent treatment is something to avoid.

If she has a fear about your lifestyle, she may never ask about it once during the 
pen pal stage.  Then, after she is in the USA and you are married, she learns 
something about you that she will never accept. 

Why she never asked about it in the beginning, American men will never know.

Individual Asian females are looking for certain traits you may or may not have. 
Some females care about certain things, some are not bothered.  Here are some things 
that have become unacceptable issues...

- You have a friendship with a past lover
- You have friendship with a past wife
- You have a warm friendship with any female
- You swear or you cause your elders to lose face
- 10 or 20 years ago, even as a teenager, you once used an illegal drug
- 10 or 20 years ago, even as a teenager, you once were arrested for anything
- You have a tattoo
- She learns only after marriage that you don't want to have a big family.

So, YOU should bring up these things during the pen pal stage.  If your pen pal has 
strong jealousy, you will have to drop your American female friends, or you will
have to court a new pen pal.

Fix expectations.  If she thinks that Americans are very hard workers and have no time
to relax, will she be shocked if you work part time and watch a lot of TV?  Yes.
If you are car-free in a city, is she expecting to tool around in a sports car?  You 
don't need to introduce yourself by sending her a list of your weaknesses,
but over time you should offer things she would know if she were living with you now. 
 
When you write or call, never lie.  There are certain things that are appropriately left 
unsaid until later or never.  But if you tell an outright lie you will have no respect to 
help you when the day comes for you clear up an honest misunderstanding.

Imagine the misunderstandings that might happen when planning marriage when your lady 
comprehends all of your "Maybe..." suggestions as verbal promises!  "Maybe" = "I 
promise that" -- imagine the misunderstandings you will need to clear up and how 
important it is that she has trust in you.

Last, you must be writing long letters to her about the weather if you live in the 
north.  Many wives have spent their first winter in the north in shock and sadness.

Compatibility.  If you thrive watching movies, DON'T pick someone who does not like 
them.  Food.  This is serious.  If you don't eat her food, and if American food is 
not her thing, she will not like it.  In your letters you should be writing a lot about 
food.  You should be writing a lot about religion and producing children.

Personality.  An unsmiling gruff personality may be unacceptable to a Filipina.  I 
can't tell you specifically how to match personalities.  All I can say is that if a 
Filipina does not appreciate your personality, she will never grow to love you.

Age.  You can find a Filipina to marry you who is 30+ years younger, but there will 
less likely be a deep connection between you.

Mental Health.  A one week vacation will not allow you to always catch depression, 
anxiety disorder, or psychosis unless you are looking for it.  Look for it. 
Visit her friends and ask questions.  Ask what is her reputation.  Ask her if she has 
ever cut her own skin.  This is a common warning sign.

Not a stupid mistake, but a stupid problem.  Your pen pal may be true to you, but her 
family may try to take advantage and cheat you.  She can try to defend you and 
actually may end up making the choice to distance herself from her family.

In short, at every stage of your pen pal writing, phone calls and visits, YOU NEED TO 
ASK if there are any problems.  Here is a warning that knocked my socks off when 
I read the whole thing... WARNING.

 
WHERE TO FIND ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS

Help with INS forms, pen pal advice, finding the cheapest international long-distance, 
the best way to fly, helping her to adjust to the west, help if her family is 
causing her problems.

http://www.mag-anak.org
Mag-Anak-subscribe@onelist.com - subscribe to the list.
Mag-Anak-unsubscribe@onelist.com - unsubscribe from the list.
Mag-Anak-digest@onelist.com - switch subscription to digest mode.
Mag-Anak-normal@onelist.com - switch subscription to normal mode.


PEN PAL ADDRESSES

The following people have asked me to help them find pen pals.  The newest 
addresses are the ones with dates of birth.  With all others, please guess that 
the age listed is correct as of Jan 1, 1997.

As I do not drink alcohol, none of the people I list here are "bar girls." 
If you are a married person looking for a list of possible one night stands, I 
cannot help you.  The poor format is intentional.

Venus L. Miro       b. Feb.7/81  seeks age 35 to 60
Agan-An, Sibulan
Negros Oriental ( Airport Area ) Pangas 6201
PHILIPPINES

Mercy Montecillo  b. 9/17/78   Added in 1999
Pajo  Tabuelan              Janice Panolino      b. 5/81
Cebu  6044                  c/o Tampakan Pawnshop
PHILIPPINES                 Tampakan South Catobato  9507
                            PHILIPPINES      Nice pen pal
ARSENIA ADAMAS  b. 1959
IVY O. ADAMAS   b. 1979-seeks man 25-35
FELY BORJA      b. 1954          Lisley Anne Cebedo   b. 1981
ALMA SOBRABAS   b. 1963          Bongabong St.        seeks man 18-25
C/O MELIE ADAMAS                 Catadman, Ozamiz City 7200
REGISTRY OF DEEDS, CITY HALL     Mindanao, Philippines
OZAMIZ CITY 7200
MINDANAO, PHILIPPINES       MALE: Francis Pilapil 30 seeks nice women
                           email: flammable@eudoramail.com
Ginie Sumaylab
Alturas Supermarket Corp.    Ginie, b 1980, is wonderful & kind.
B. Inting Street
Tagbilaran City  Bohol  6300   New: Catalina Tan  
PHILIPPINES                         923 Guiwan Aurora Village
                                    Zamboanga City 7000
                           b. 1966  PHILIPPINES 
NANCY COLANGO
BACOLOD,OZAMIZ CITY 7200  b. 1976 looking for
MINDANAO PHILIPPINES      man ages 50 to 60.

Angelene D. Galos    She is in her young 20's
Brgy. Matica-a       and wants a man who has a neat
Ormac City  6541     appearance.
PHILIPPINES

Noblenda Silagpo   b. 1980  
Agan-an Sibulan            "Blenda" has many sweet single cousins
Neg. Or. Airport Area 
Pangas 6200  PHILIPPINES    Ana Marie Orence    b. 1979
                            c/o Emilene's Pharmacy INC
Ana Marie is mature         Alabang Branch 2
and serious for marriage    Muntinlupa City  PHILIPPINES

Mitzi Mateo        b. 1-6-81  Added in 1999
117 Brgy Baras     So nice and very sweet.
Palo Leyte  6501    
PHILIPPINES

Julieta Busayong              25 years old added in 1999.
#25 Blumententrih St.         Mature personality and nice.
Binalbagan Negros Occidental
6107  PHILIPPINES

Precelin S. Mapa      20's, slim, nice personality.
Andrea Village Subd II
Cadiz City, Neg. Occ.
6121  PHILIPPINES

Angie V. Bolanos
Poblacion Taytay   Mishel Gargar
Palawan  5312      106 Dr E Meciano Rd        Cute
PHILIPPINES        Dumaguete City 6200  PHIL  b. 9/4/78

Angie is 27, 5 feet tall, very cute and very honest.  She has
a child but no husband.  She writes very well.

-Patriz Anob       All 3 are friends at the
-Thelma Caja       same address. All 3 b.1974
-Arlene Anunciado     humble, nice looking.
Basak, Taloto Dist.  Marriage is "death do   
Tagbilaran City            us part." 
Bohol 6300   PHILIPPINES

Marife Mantilla     b. 10/14/76.  She
Deloso's Store      is very pretty and
Tisa Public Market  writes in a loving 
Cebu City  6000     warm way.  Her
PHILIPPINES         warmth is priceless.

Marlou Jotojot (a very cute 31yo)   Marilou Paz    20's  writes poetically
Aida Acido (22yo)                   Blk 16 Lot 5   
Janette Lumantas (27yo)             Fushia, N. Springville
c/o Lumanas Carenderia              Camella Homes
FR Ingles Street                    Molino Bacoor   Wants husband 35 to 48
Tagbilaran City  6300               Cavite  4102    ...who is honest
PHILIPPINES                         PHILIPPINES     ...and responsible.

Elea Cecilia Banluta      Joenafe Arnado (18yo/4'8")
54-B Cabantan St.         Abante Tabuelan
Mabolo Cebu City  6000    Cebu  6044
PHILIPPINES               PHILIPPINES

Ebeth Requina     22yo sweet and innocent/religious/5'1"/slim 
Bohol Institute of Tech
Tagbilaran City  6300       StarLiza C. Aras       b. 1974, 5'5" 123 lbs
PHILIPPINES                 Panghiawan Catarman    Wants marriage w/
                            Camiguin Province      serious person w/kind
-Marlene Dal  b. 1959       9104   PHILIPPINES     heart.  Very pretty.
-Venus Dal  b. 1976
-May Annette Almonia     (teacher b. 1974)   -All 3 are 
Cameco Public Calling Office    friendly, pretty, slim 
Poblacion Catarman Camiguin     and friends w/Starliza.
9104  PHILIPPINES               All looking for responsible
                                guy.
Julieta D. Marques
AS Furtuna St.
Banilad Mandaue City
Cebu  6014
PHILIPPINES      Office worker 30 years old  *E*

Teresa Nombrado           B. Sept 1978  5'0" 100 pounds
Cogon Guinsay             Her letter is one of the very few
Danao City  Cebu 6004     with zero mention of religion
PHILIPPINES

Amythest Barbosa       b. August 1980, 5'3" religious
Ilihan, Toledo City    looking for loyal husband with 
c/o Guard House        kindness and a good attitude
Cebu  6038
PHILIPPINES

Chiela A. Hortilano     (b. Apr 1981/5'/religious, cousin of Aileen)
Bontong Camaman-an      She writes warm letters.
Cagayan de Oro City     
9000  PHILIPPINES

Aileen Arellano (22yo/5'3"/less traditional, cousin of Anna)
22-G B Roriguez St.                       
Cebu City  6000                           
PHILIPPINES
                        
Anna Liza Arellano        22yo, cousin of Aileen
15 Kingfisher Street      She is 4'10 inches tall.  
Sto Nino Village          She has a baby now born June 98 fathered by
Banilad, Cebu City  6000    a bump-and-run man from England.
PHILLIPINES

Rodith  C. Kintanas    21 years old, 5'2, 120 lbs, great writer, very sweet
50 Tres de Abril St     and very nice
Pahina San Nicolas
Cebu City  6000
PHILIPPINES

Marlyn C. Ergino        31yo wants to marry  
243 3/Flr Kilung St.
Stom Shui So. Kowloon
HONG KONG

Rodilyn Lu-ang           b. June 1979  She had a baby when she was
41 Sta Rosa Street       only 17 years old.  She wants most that
Dumaguete City  6200     her child has a good life.
PHILIPPINES

Ellen Mahumoe                   32yo wants to marry
435-J Fatima Street             *E*
Cebu City  6000
PHILIPPINES

Connie Jimenez                20YO, flared feminine hips,
Oblad Law                     perfect upbeat and devoted
8709 Valencia                 personality.
Bukidnon  8710                 
PHILIPPINES                   *D*

Dulce Montes               Dulce is 28, shy, religious, traditional, very slim
028 New Society Village    and never had a boyfriend.  She is a school  
Butuan City  8600          teacher.  Her married sister lives in Wisconsin.
PHILIPPINES

Vhida Llanes
Flat A 18/f, Shatin 33
Queen's Height
Shi Wo Road,  N.T.
HONG KONG    Vhida is 23 and is very cute!  She was born and raised in the Philippines.

Good luck finding love.


WHAT YOU WILL FIND

As for the start of the writing process, spell out your future marriage plans 
in your first letter of introduction.  Make love and marriage be
the main topic of your letter.

  My mistakes when I started out:

 -In my first try at writing, I wrote friendship oriented letters.
  If a lady mentioned some politics or philosophy in her reply,
  this would become the focus of our letter writing.

  This was stupid of me!  All of my first pen pals of 5 years ago
  ready for marriage married someone else. 

  The correct thing to do is to keep the focus on LOVE and MARRIAGE
  and the future PARTNERSHIP you desire.  This is what wins a heart!

 -When a man or woman is ready for marriage, they will find their match 
  in the first 20 letters they receive, NOT the last 20 letters.

 -5 years ago, some of the people I became pen pals with had zero desire
  to leave their home country and marry a far away person -- they only
  wanted a pen pal.

  My mistake was to not ask basic questions at the beginning.  Your most
  loyal and friendly pen pal writer may not share the same final
  objectives.

More early advice is to send many photos of you looking neat
and well dressed.  No bathing suit photos, if you are writing to a
traditional Asian women.  Also, be aware that if you have long
hair and facial body piercing, you will be feared!  On my 4/29/97
edit of this page I had to delete a woman's address who said she
was scared by the photos of a "hippie" man with tattoos.  He sent
her nice sweet letters, but she felt scared at his photo.

Check for good mental health.  She hates her family,
she hears voices in her head telling her to hurt herself, or she
suffers from depression and anxiety disorder.  Don't let this all stayed 
hidden during your writing and visits.

Is her family is really in bad conflict?

A good word of advice is to verify good mental health by communicating
with her friend(s).  Meet her friends.

  Mistakes from ladies:

  -She replies to you and asks you to reply soon but there is
   no return address anywhere.

  -She writes a reply to you, but sends no photo -- or sends
   a photo of only her auntie who looks like her!

  -In all of her letters she asks no questions.  :(

  -Her letter of introduction tells you about her relationship with god
  when she was a child, her relationship with god now, and her plans
  to serve god in the future.  She writes about her church duties, she 
  writes about why she likes her church.  She writes about her parent's 
  church duties. In her letter, you are mentioned once at the top (Dear XYZ,) 
  and god is mentioned 8 times on each page.  And she writes that having 11 
  children would be a blessed gift from her god.

  -She is the last person to write you, not the first.
  -She is over 20 years older than your age range.

  -Her letter of introduction describes in detail the water buffalo
  you must buy and the monthly payments you must make to her father
  if you marry her.  She writes that welfare to parents gives them
  self-respect and honor.  She gives you Western Union wire transfer 
  info in her first letter.

Smoking is not common with females of either country.  Coffee
drinking is less common than in western culture.

People seem very easy-going, friendly, and slow to anger.  
In US cities, instant livid anger is high art.

If you are a man who is slow to anger, you would do best to find
your mate in the Pacific islands.  Although American woman would
make for superior rebels fighting in the trenches against a right
wing authoritarian government (most all females seem soft on left
wing authoritarians), what man wants to mate with a drill sergeant?

Western females are less devoted and sometimes impossible to
please... "When you are too nice to me it turns me off..." --
that type of thing.

American females are quick to anger, are fatter, show their age
more quickly, are quick to anger, are less dedicated, have a
greater tendency to drink coffee, alcohol, take drugs, smoke, have
pierced lips, eyebrows and other body parts, and, last but not
least, are quick to anger.

I live in the northeast, land of 600 pound ill-tempered welfare
women (my Aunt who is still dying weighs 650.)  Imagine females who
are not offended when you give them flowers!  Imagine showing your
love to your mate without worrying about her snapping, "Knock off
the corny mush!  Act like an adult!!"  Imagine a woman without a
lawyer!!!  I do not drink coffee, or alcohol or smoke -- most all
thin American females do -- Asia is brimming with beautiful
females who do no smell up their mouths.

The western features of American men are considered attractive,
very attractive, by females in the Philippines and Asia.  
Age differences are a bit more easily accepted.  
"If you see me with a round-eye, I'm just keeping
her company until her lawyer shows up!"

To be honest, one bad thing about Philippine females is that they do
tend to be theistically intolerant.  As weird as it sounds, if you are kind 
and nice, but honestly do not wish to join the female's religion,
you may be rejected.  And in Indonesia, there is much racism.  Indonesia 
is Germany before WWII, and Chinese are the Jews.

In Manila the Philippines, sexuality seems to be expressed everywhere.
In the malls there are stuffed trolls with penises for sale, and
people swap dirty jokes... however, in my experience, there is a
prevalent attitude amongst unmarried females that intercourse MUST
wait until the wedding night.

Outside of Manila, on the other islands, virginity is in 
practice and there are fewer public expressions of sexuality.


GENERAL

>...Just curious to know if, and when, you plan to add more addresses
>to your list?

I have so many I should add, but ...?


>I wonder if the culture shock and lonliness of a new 
>country may be too much for them? I work constantly, and I am sure my company
>would give her a job and allow her to work all the time as well. Is this what a 
>filipina would enjoy? Or do they want a big family where the wife does not work?
 
I appreciate your thinking.

Your company may let her work, but what about the US government?

She may have to wait months for persmission, and 
the first months are THE MOST DIFFICULT.

Can she volunteer at your work?  That would be great.

I now have about 700 letters of introduction from 
the RP.  When it comes to work or starting a 
family, WE CAN'T LUMP ALL OF THEM TOGETHER.

Most will be flexible on the condition that there 
will be children at some point.  Most will say 
the number of children depend upon the wealth of 
the family -- that if poor, there should be fewer 
children.

But, some will say that each baby if a gift from 
god, so you need to ask ahead of time about birth 
control.


>I am a 48 yr. old professional man just beginning my search for a
>special lady...  I Would like to find a strikingly beautiful
>lady with culture and class.

Men often request that I pick out a few highly educated, cultured, 
sophisticated, classy women for them to write.

This is not a realistic.  Those who are sharp and brilliant come
to the US to attend Harvard and MIT.  Young women in Asia from high
status families live very well in their home country and do not really
want to leave.

Let's be real.  There are young women in Asia who are passionate, loyal
and loving.  The common Asian woman is beautiful beyond words and, lucky
for us, most are proud and happy to marry a common American man who
is responsible and kind.

These women are not sophisticated.  Some completely believe in magic and 
ghosts.  

- But I will be flying into Manila.
- Any advice you could give would be most helpful.

  If you are in the USA, book your flight from a San Francisco
  or LA, California travel agent, NOT an east coast agent.
  You will save money.

  Read the "Lonely Planet Travel Guide -- Philippines."

  HAVE SOMEONE MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT if possible.  Taxi con artists flock
  to westerners.  Luckily, they are poorly skilled at conning.
  If you are on your own, ask an airport worker how much it costs
  to travel to where you need to go.  Also, in both Manila and Jakarta,
  INSIST THAT THE TAXI METER BE USED!  With this info, you will keep from
  being overcharged.  $ is great there.  The cheapest place I stayed
  was $3.90 a night in Carmen Bohol, Philippines.

  Both cities are shockingly dirty.  Travel books will tell of cheap
  city guest houses.  These are too horrid for my taste.

  If money is no object, then pick one of the giant hotels that
  quote prices in US$.

  Be prepared for heat near 100 and shocking air pollution in any place
  that is called a city.  If you want to be well accepted, don't
  where shorts or sandals.  They can, but not westerners.

  Outside of Manila, Philippine people do not have ice cold drinks.
  In stores, soda coolers are used for display unplugged!  The only
  place to find something cold is a place that sells ice cream.

  Hot showers are VERY rare and brown outs are very common.

  If you are going to meet a pen pal, bring LOTS OF FAMILY PHOTOS
  to show and M&M's for neighborhood kids.

  The cultural clues are very difficult.  For instance, 
  Liza in Manila never seemed to want to be alone with me -- 
  always with her family.  I thought she was turned off.  I
  was very surprised when her letters started to come telling me
  of her love.  Sharing family is acceptance.

 - I found your WEB page very interesting. My question is: Would any of
 - the young women that you met in Asia consider to correspond and
 - eventually meet an European citizen? 

 Yes.

 - I was baptized catholic but I am not religious.

 I am an atheist too.  If you are serious about marrying a beautiful
 female from the Philippines, you have to keep your atheism at a very 
 low key.  Few will marry an outspoken atheist -- one who
 debates supernaturalism in every letter and every meeting.

 - I am looking for a young woman with whom I would
 - be able to built a family life.

 Wanting children is a big plus.  I do not wish to have them, but every
 one of my pen pals requires children.  

 - She would be cut, loving, sensual, would like children
 - and dogs, would have enough education to interact with me...

 High education means less traditional.  Try to make education
 last on your list.  If you want a debate partner, marry an
 American coffee achiever with leg hair... and meet her lawyer.

 - More than anything else, she would be able to adapt in an entirely new
 - environment. The later seems to me the biggest obstacle. 

Ask her if she has other relatives and friends living
 with a western husband.  She will already be better prepared for the
 adjustment. Be honest about your environment.
 
Try to time it so her visa will be ready in the summer.


My political plug: Serve on jury duty.  It is more powerful than voting. 

Jury Nullification

If you believe that a law or punishment is unjust, or being unevenly 
applied, or the court rules are presented in such a confusing way that you
are not sure that the defendent is receiving a fair trial, you as a juror can
vote "not guilty" and prevent a conviction.  Fair trials protect the liberty
of all free people and enable us to respect our laws and government.  Call 
1-800-TEL-JURY (leave address and receive free info) or do a web search for
the "FULLY Informed Jury Association."