Welcome to the
eBay Holiday Board
Story Page!
One day *KATHIE* and *DOC* decided to go on a little trip together. But
since all they had ever done together was *ARGUE* they had no idea were to
go. They asked their *LOUD* friends over on the Holiday Board were they
should go. *DONZA* suggested they go to *JC'S*. *KATHIE* and *DOC* liked
the idea, so next they asked how they should get there. They had three
suggestions, *TRAIN*, *LIMO* and by *RAFT* By *RAFT* sounded great, so they
set out on their adventure. It took them *7* days to get to *JC'S* but
since they were staying *13* days, they were happy. They only had one small
problem along they way. They *RAFTED* into a *TORNADO*. Since all they lost
were their *BRAS*, they were happy.
Their first night at *JC'S*, at *KATHIE'S* own suggestion, they ate *CASTOR
OIL* for dinner, and they loved it. They went to bed and *BUNGY JUMPED*
till the *BUFFALO* crowed in the morning.
They spent their first *47* hours *ICEFISHING*. By the time they were done,
they were so exhausted all they wanted to do was go home. This time they
*RODE BIKES*, and it only took *200* days to get home. They were both
*AFRAID* and *ANGRY* and couldn't wait to tell everyone on the Holiday
Board all about their *SILLY* adventure to *JC'S HOUSE*.
-Sharon
Welcome to another episode of...
AS THE BOARD SCROLLS...
The Holiday Board was getting a little too quiet for Winkin, Blinkin &
Nod... or was that Larry, Curly & Moe... No, wait... I believe it was *PAT,
LOTT & VIC*. Being the bold introverts that they were, they decided to
take a little walk on the wild side & venture into the real world. And
what better way to see the real world than to take a cross country trip?
"Road Trip!," yelled *PAT*. "Settle down *PAT*!," said *VIC*. "Here, throw
on your *COWBOY HATS* you two, it's gonna be a long drive." "Come on,
let's hop on my trusty *MANURE SPREADER* & get this show on the road!" said
*VIC*. "Now where to?" "I know, I know!," exclaimed *PAT*. "Let's go to
*THE SEATTLE SPACE NEEDLE*! I've always wanted to see that!" So *VIC* put
the *MANURE SPREADER* into drive & off they went. Barreling down the road
at *9 MPH*, they didn't get very far when *LOTT* said he was getting really
hungry & was starting to turn *NEON GREEN W/PINK POLKA DOTS* from the bumpy
ride. *VIC* pulled out her nifty *TATER MASHER* & whipped up a quick meal
of *FROG LEGS*, which they all enjoyed with a cool glass of *MOTOR OIL*.
After traveling for more than *2,509* days, the journey was getting pretty
tiring, when they spotted the *SEATTLE SPACE NEEDLE". "Pay attention
*PAT*, and stop playing with that *FURBY*!," yelled *VIC*. Meanwhile
*LOTT* was sitting in the back trying to count to *13*, when the *MANURE
SPREADER* ran over a huge pothole in the road which turned out to be *LINDA
TRIPP'S MOUTH*. It jolted them so hard that they were all thrown from the
*,MANURE SPREADER* & developed *BIPOLAR DISORDER*. Returning home to the
Holiday Board with delusions of grandeur, *VIC* proceeded to inform her
fellow board members that she was now CEO of *E-BAY*. Following with
*LOTT* claiming to be the star quarterback for the *DENVER BRONCOS* &
rattling, "*23, 42, 888*, Hike, Hike!" And not to mention poor *PAT*, who
believed she now worked as a food server at *WENDY'S* & could never
remember where the wet sponges were. Alas, it was not the Holiday Trip
they had dreamed of, but if you look closely at the *SEATTLE SPACE NEEDLE*,
you can see their initials carved on the bottom right-hand corner & the
words inscribed thereon... "*I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH RICHARD
NIXON*!"
Thus ends another installment of "As The Board Scrolls..." Tune in
tomorrow, when you will hear *VIC* announce that she will be running for
President next year, *LOTT* claim, "It wasn't my fault we lost the Super
Bowl, the coach never told me to throw the ball!" & *PAT*, having never
found a wet sponge, quits her job at *WENDY'S* & joins the musical group
*THE DIXIE CHICKS* & will be touring the nation...
ALL IS WELL WITH THE WORLD....
-Donza'
Life on the Holiday Board was getting a little *SKINNY* for *PAT*. So she decided it was time to get a real job.
*PAT* searched her local paper and soon ran across an ad for a position as a *PROCTOLOGIST*. This sounded interesting to her. So she sat down a typed up her resume.
*DEAR DELINQUENT TAX PAYER*,
Please allow me to take a few minutes of your time to talk about myself. I am *OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER AND YOUNG ENOUGH NOT TO CARE*. I am married to a wonderful *LOVE BOAT* and I am the mother of *42* beautiful *TUXEDO FURBYS*. My hobbies include, *CHASING WILD ANIMALS* , *SKYDIVING* , and *WATCHING COWBOYS IN TIGHT JEANS*. To conclude, I'd like to tell you what I expect out of any future employment. I am willing to work *2* hours a week. But I am not willing to work for any less than *$123* per month. I am hoping for full benefits, but I would happy if you would give me *NATIONAL WESTERN STOCK SHOW..HOME OF THE COWBOY!*.
-Sharon
The Great ADVENTURE:..
It was a *LITTER BOX* kind of night. 3 friends decided to brave the *KRYTONITE HAIL*. *DONZA*, *JC*, and *DOC* thought if they traveled by *PIGGY BACK to the *MR.CLEAN* Bowl that would be pretty neat. They all *SOMERSAULTED* on to their *PIGGY BACK RIDE* and headed *UPSIDE DOWN*. Which wasn't to bad, but the *MR.CLEAN* Bowl was in the opposite direction! So said crew; *DONZA*, *JC*, and *DOC* stopped at the *EMPIRE STATE BUILDING*, and asked "where are we?" *VIC'S BULL* laughed. Ate a *KUMQUAT* then climbed the *EMPIRE STATE BUILDING* and pointed, *TO THE MOON*. So the crew turned around and headed that way. After all they were women... which explains stopping and asking for diecetions. Having been turned around 7 times. They saw *DONALD TRUMP* they couldn't believe the *SMELL*. Well! *DONZA*, and *JC* they wanted to stay. But *DOC*, wanted to go to the *MR.CLEAN* Bowl. Because they only had the one *PIGGY BACK RIDE*. So they tossed (mike writes: *MY HEAD*) into the air and headed back to the *MR.CLEAN* Bowl. They all ROTFLMAO themselves sick. Glad the Great ADVENTURE would soon be over..........
-Alis
My name is *PAT* and I am sending you my resume so that I may outline my qualifications for the position of *PROCTOLOGIST*.
Attached you will find my *PENCIL SHARPENER*. As you see, I have *7 NANOSECONDS* of experience in this field, and agazillion *OF THE LONGEST 10 MINUTES OF MY LIFE* of education that I feel pertain to this position. I attended *DIRT FARMER'S UNIVERSITY* and graduated *4857365395068* out of a class of *1600*. As you can see, I am fully qualified.
