A METHODIST CHURCH TREASURER GOES TO HEAVEN
Richard B Gillion
1998

WOMAN	Hello, welcome to heaven.  Could I have your name please?

JOHN		Yes, hello.  John Checker’s the name.

WOMAN	Checker ...  John ...  There are such a lot of names here, could you tell me what you were on earth?

JOHN		An accountant.

WOMAN	Ooh, an accountant!  We don’t get many of those here.

JOHN		Why on earth ...  I mean, why in heaven not?

WOMAN	Well, they’re not very spiritually minded, are they?

JOHN		Well I was a Methodist as well.

WOMAN	We don’t get many of those here either.  — Same reason.  Ah, here we are.  John Checker.

JOHN		Oh good.  For a moment you had we worried there.

WOMAN	Nothing to worry about, John, you’re on the list.  But tell me: why is it that you Methodist treasurers have such funny ideas about money?

JOHN		Funny ideas about money?  Whatever do you mean?

WOMAN	Like the title of that Guidebook for Methodist Treasurers: “It’s more than saying no.”

JOHN		Well, you can’t be too careful with money, can you?

WOMAN	And what’s all that business with thermometers.  There’s one put up outside the church whenever a slate falls off the roof.

JOHN		Very useful things thermometers.  Good visual communication and an incentive.

WOMAN	Yes, but did you have to have one so elaborate that you needed to launch a new thermometer fund before you could start on the roof fund?  And why do you make people eat so many cakes and drink so much coffee before you let them give you any money?

JOHN		We’ve always done it that way.  You can’t expect people just to give money for the sake of the kingdom of God.  They have to have a real incentive, like buttered scones or something.  And you can’t expect God to inspire his people to give enough, can you?  There aren’t enough of them.  They have to get the rest of the world to help as well.  Do you know a better way?  I mean, there’s not much in the bible about fund-raising is there?

WOMAN	The bible calls it giving, not fund-raising, but it’s there all right; there’s plenty of advice.

JOHN		Is there?  I can only remember the bit about God loving a cheerful giver.  Personally I’ve preferred the miserable givers.  I always thought the cheerful ones must have kept too much for themselves.  Why else would they be cheerful?

WOMAN	It’s a bit late for you to be asking what the bible says.  Didn’t you read it?

JOHN		Well, I skimmed through it, and dipped in here and there.

WOMAN	Listen!

READER 1	You know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.

READER 2	“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house.  Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.”

READER 3	Give, and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

READER 4	Jesus saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury.  He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins.  "I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others.  All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."

READER 5	On the first day of every week, each one of you should set aside a sum of money in keeping with his income, saving it up, so that when I come no collections will have to be made.

READER 6	If the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have.  Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality.  At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need.  Then there will be equality, as it is written: "He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little."

READER 7	Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.  You should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.  And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

JOHN		I think it would be better if, instead of coming into heaven, I went back and told them about these readings.

WOMAN	No, John, you can’t do that.  They don’t need you to tell them.  They have the bible.  They have God’s Spirit.  And they have people who are bible teachers.  You’ll just have to trust God on that one.

JOHN		O.K.  Just one question:  What were you on earth?

WOMAN	You won’t have heard my name mentioned.  I was just a poor widow.