The Angels’ Advent Calendar
Gabriel	Excuse me, God.
God		What is it, Gabriel?
Gabriel	We’ve got a problem.
God		A problem?
Gabriel	Yes, with the advent calendar.
God		Don’t tell me – the earth’s run out of ethically sourced chocolate?
Gabriel	No.
God		The church has been sued for not providing enough dairy-free alternatives?
Gabriel	No.  It’s the Angels’ Union.
God	They want calendars as well?  There’s thousands upon thousands of them and ten thousand times ten thousand.  That’s a hundred and ten million angels!
Gabriel	A hundred and nine million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine, actually.
God	A hundred and nine million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine?
Gabriel	Yes, Raphael’s gone all health-conscious again.
God	Has he really?
Gabriel	No.  I’m not talking about that kind of advent calendar.
God	What then?
Gabriel	It’s the list of announcements for advent.  There are so many.  They cover umpteen generations.
God	So?
Gabriel	We think we must have got them mixed up.
God	Why do you think that?
Gabriel	Some anouncements say the Messiah will come like a conquering King and defeat his enemies and some say he will come like a Shepherd and gently lead his flock.
God	Can’t he do both?
Gabriel	Yes, but what about him coming as a baby?  You can’t expect people to wait until he grows up before he saves them.
God	Can’t I?
Gabriel	And then he’ll return to heaven and we have to tell his followers that he’ll return to earth, just as he said.
God	What’s the problem with that?
Gabriel	Nothing.  Except.
God	Except what?
Gabriel	His second coming sounds like the fulfilment of a lot of the announcements we’re meant to give before he’s come the first time.
God	That’s because it is.  Why is that a problem?
Gabriel	It’s Michael.  He likes everything done in the right order.
God	I’ll have a word with him.
Gabriel	And ...
God	What?
Gabriel	You haven’t said when these things are going to be fulfilled.
God	I know.
Gabriel	Well some of the ... other angels ... were wondering.
God	I expect they were.
Gabriel	And some of them, like Uriel, are absolutely dying to know what’s going to happen when.  Except they can’t die, but you know what I mean.
God	Indeed I do.
Gabriel	So we, I mean they, think it would be helpful if you kept all the prophecies and announcements to do with the first coming separate from those to do with the second coming.
God	Do they?
Gabriel	And put some dates on them as well, just to be sure. It would help us to keep track of the announcements if we had a calendar of when they were going to be fulfilled.
God	I’ll tell you what.  Tell them I’ve listened to what they say and given it some thought.
Gabriel	And there’ll be a new announcement to go up on the notice board?
God	Yes.  It will say, “No one knows the day or the hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself.  Only the Father knows.”
Gabriel	I’ll tell them that if they want an Advent Calendar, they’d better stick to the chocolate ones – and that includes Raphael.