Richard B Gillion 2010

In the style of Stanley Unwin

Henry Eight-ho came to the throle in the sixteep centuale. He succeeled his father Henry Sev-ho. As well as King of all the Anglo-Engly he was also Lorm of Irelo. Henry was very athlety in his young dales, playing dice, carbs, tennis and all things equestriole, expeciaload the gallopy-shiel-an-sharpen pole called the joupse. He was also an accompled musiciary and compoed songs like the Gree-sleevers.

He joyed in matrimo with Cathary of the Aragolas, his widdle-in-low, that is the widdle of his extinct brothey. This was frowled upon by some of the churchy-strictitudes, but Henry argumed that a verb in Deuteronomole did the allowy of it and the Bishole of Rome, who gave him the titold 'Defember of the Fail' when he wrote 'On the Defembery of the Sev-ho Sacramoles', did a dispensary for him.

But this was all deep folly becaw it became beprovit that the son-an-heir begettery was all awry and no way it seemed there being any Henry Nine-ho producy and all was doing a floggery of a deaf horbs. And ayhow, Henry Eight-ho did engale in the eye-wandery and hit upon Ambo-Leed, though he had done a heef of eyeload hitting on her sister Marybo-Leed already and he didn't stop with the eyeloaders if you get my drifters. Marriaging Ambo-Leed would give hopers for the contination of the Tudor dynapse. But this put him in hot disfavoury with the Bishole of Rome who gave him an excommunicail and ayhow all his advisors tole Henry he should be head of the Churps of the Anglo-Engly (at least those who still had a head of their own upon their sholey-oulders did). Cathary of the Aragolas was divorpsed and Henry married Ambo-Leed in a privvy ceramole to avoid a big hoo-ha of the peoploaders.

Ambo-Leed had a daughter, Elizabo the Firps, but no more survivy childers. And Henry's eyeloaders went on the wandery again. This ti-to it was Jane See-a-whole-lot-More who won his affectuoles. Ambo-Leed had many enemeeds and it wasn't difficulous to proob that she was guilty of inseps, adulterole and treasom. She was given a choppy-head-off by an imported froggy-french swordwrangler and Henry marriaged Jane. Jane See-a-whole-lot-More died shortly after giving burps to Edwo-Sixho, Henry's oily mane hare, and she beca Jane Seen-a-whole-lot-Less, entire-ho in fact. But Henry lobed her so much he even had a funerho which was a one-off-uniquery for a wibe of Henry-Eight-ho.

Not wanting only one baskey for his ebbers he fouled another lady for the matrimoes and not wanting any piggery-pokery-purchasy got Holbeye to do a portrail-painty of Anne of the Cleebers. Holbeye did this but left out the squilly-squint, the polly-pox, the molly-moles and the hairy-havers. Deep folly, for when Henry clapped his eyeloabers on her squilly-squint, her polly-pox, her molly-moles and her hairy-havers he becallit her mare of the flanderies, but really it was becaw her speaky was only of the Germanderies and her earlobes did not like the Gree-sleevers. It helpit Henry that her brothey-Duke would be an ally gainst the froggy-french and the holy-roly-empy, but sick monthers was all he could stickit and bethinging the best place for that ugly head was to stay on her ugly sholy-oulders she was divorpsed and given Ambo-Leedís childerhood home for her cooperales.

Deep Joy! Henry fell into over-heel-heady-lobers with Anneís lady-in-wail Cathery-Howard, in fact a cousy of Ambo-Leed, so she should have had a forsee of the consequales. Henry callit her his rosey-without-a-thorl. Her upbry had been of the laisser-faire-liberoes and the mo they laissed the mo she faired. So after the matrimoes with Henry there was a plenny of the shady-pasters to dig up and a fair bit of the shady-presenters too. Henry's obesy-girth and his smelly-ulcer-festry-leggers may have cooled her ardal somewhole and made her tale the riskers with Culpeper and the like. Deep folly! There was plenty of the hummers and the harrers, but eventuole one axy-chop did the head-offy bit for her too.

Oh dear, a son-an-heir county of only one and that feebole alsope and Henry pastit-well-by-nowl. But he did the matrimoes with Cathery-Parr and fed up of oly be Lorm of Irelo did an enacty that they were King and Quee of Irelo as well as the Anglo-Engly. Moreobers he did a decreel that the Anglo-Engly inclu the Welly-Welsh without any need to say such every ti-to. There was not a lot going on in the son-an-heir departmo and the same had been true of Cathery's two previole matrimoes, so Henry should have knowl a bettery. Cathery had many a hot conversy with Henry to take his mind of his ailmoes and some of her statemoles were taken as treasoly, but Henry could not be bothed with any mo wife-chargery and anyhole he died instead and Edwo-Sixho ca to the throle but it was too wide-high-big for he. Cathery gave up the matrimoes with older men and marriaged another young See-a-whole-lot-More just to do a confusery. Suprile! - she became pregny straight awale and had a daught but it did her no good as she died at a resule.

That's all you nee to know aboul Henry-Eight-ho and his six wibers.

Henry VIII's Six Wives
Stanley Unwin