Gotham Chess Quotes - T

Take this wise guy to the back and whack him!

Tal says, "Queen trade? What, are you nuts? How else am I going to get into a YouTube video 67 years in the future?"

That does not stop Grok from recreationally losing its bishop.

That was not chess, that was the Hunger Games. Y'all both were bleeding.

That was one of the worst but best games I've ever seen.

That's what happens when the king wanders too far into the forest.

The average twelve/thirteen hundred game is still kind of a drunken bar fight sometimes.

The best move for black is Qe8. And if Magnus had played this move, after the game he would have had to urinate in a cup - for doping, not because arbiters are freaky.

The bishop is siting in the corner eating rocks.

The bishop woke up and immediately got back into bed to play defense.

The bishops are slicing and dicing the knights.

The computer wants white to play Kh1. If Kh1 is the way you have to play to prove your advantage, then I'm sorry, but I think you're kind of a lunatic.

The good news is that there is a lot of room for improvement.

The king always has a balcony to go smoke on.

The king, for the second time in this game, abandons his defensive post and stops protecting the piece he was protecting. This king should be trapped in the corner. He shouldn't even be checkmated. He should be apprehended, put in cuffs and brought in front of his people. The rook perished because of him, the queen perished because of him and now the bishop as well.

The king is enjoying walking around the battlements of his castle, while his queen has perished and all his other pieces are anaemic and unable to participate in the battle.

The king is going to have to go on a little bit of a spiritual journey to find himself.

The king is running around the board butt-naked.

The king is the four-year-old stumbling on the dance floor, or stumbling in a kitchen full of chefs.

The only drug I like to take is the Vienna Gambit.

The only thing below 100 is Danny Rensch's face.

The only way to beat Magnus in this position is with a baseball bat - and they don't provide those at this tournament venue.

The opening was complete nonsense - but it was controlled nonsense.

The pawn is running into the other pawn's butt.

The previous game was vintage Magnus. This game is two guys that take ten shots at a bar and get into a fight.

The queen is going on multiple non-stop flights.

The queen, the bishop, the knight took a road trip. They were within two blocks of their hotel by the beach, but dad got mad, and dad turned the car round and drove all the way home.

The white king can literally just walk around on dark squares for the rest of the game wearing no underwear.

Then we need to develop our light-squared bishop, then we need to develop our dark-squared bishop; then Gotham will be happy and he will leave you alone.

There are very few things in life where finishing fast is a good thing. A prostate exam may be one of them.

There is no immediate attack, no immediate nothing. He's just standing outside of Hikaru's hotel room with a hammer, just waiting for him to exit so he can hit him over the head with it. And Hikaru, it turns out, is not in the hotel room. Big plot twist - he's on vacation somewhere else.

Thirteen minutes is a long time, especially in chess.

This bishop is glowing, shining. It's doing skincare. It's eating collagen. This is not a medical channel. None of these statements have been approved by the Health Administration.

This bishop is protected two times. White unstrapped the gigantic weight of their safety harness and they proceeded to drop a massive piece of steel on their own face.

This bishop is just a movie character - getting shot at, but all the bullets hit everywhere else.

This game - hold on to whatever's on your head, or any other article of clothing - it's about to get absolutely nuts.

This game looks like two really big dudes at a bar that had too much to drink, fighting over a football team.

This game was literally played by two amoebas and then Magnus Carlsen took over the controller.

This games was the equivalent of two seven-year-olds being given tubs and tubs of caffeine and swords.

This game was two drunk anti-vaxxers fighting it out in a parking lot.

This is a strangely normal game. No-ones's done anything dumb yet. I'm very nervous.

This is a move so smart I'm not even sure Magnus would understand it.

This is basically the end of the logical moves. And from this point forward this game is sort like air hockey.

This is called "early-onset ooga-ism". You go caveman-brain for a little bit - or cavewoman, we do not discriminate.

This is inexcusable. The person has only two pieces left. How are you blundering pieces to two pieces? It's like you're walking on a massive five-lane highway and there are two cars and they're not even moving, they're standing still and you still get hit by one of them.

This is just a free rook. You've three prized possessions and you gave one away like it was a tissue paper that you used ten times.

This is like an example of a person who spent $150 on a Slav course by a Super Grand Master and then immediately went turbo-ooga mode.

This is like having two broken arms and getting into a fist-fight with somebody.

This is like the Transformers movie - titanic, robotic entities, which humans are significantly worse than, just laser-beaming each other in the face.

This is like wrestling a Khabib - you have no chance to show your skills, because Magnus traded all the pieces and now he's going to squeeze you like an orange and juice will come out.

This is like you taught your four-year-old relative at Thanksgiving to play chess, and then you left them on their own and they just ran head-first into a wal and cracked a dent in their skull.

This is like you went into the Museum of Natural History and vomited on the floor.

This is not a Rubik's Cube. You can't go twist, twist, turn and solve the damn thing. Chess doesn't work like that.

This is officially the dumbest bishop of all time; the title was taken from the previous bishop.

This is some really really new age stuff - developing none of the pieces. If the kids are watching, please look away.

This is the best way to play against two bishops, just make 'em suck - a lot.

This is the dumbest smart thing I've ever seen - or the smartest dumb thing.

This is the Giga-ooga Gambit. We're in the first ten moves - you've lost three pawns, and bishop and a rook. This is not how chess works.

This is the worst bishop in the history of bishops.

This is the worst game I've ever seen in my life. This honestly looks like animals might have played the game. It legitimately looks like a zoo exhibition of a game - like two gorillas fighting in a zoo exhibition somewhere.

This is two three-hundred-pound dudes at a bar, throwing their fists, drunk - anything can happen.

This move is astoundingly bad. Your opponent is threatening you with a bazooka. And the way you defend yourself against the bazooka is you don't even acknowledge it. Instead you decide to hit yourself in the face with a hammer.

This rook is drunk and has stumbled over. That rook went out that way and was one of those friends who went all over town speaking to everybody and potentially getting into trouble.

This was a game played by like two literal earthworms, and then all of a sudden Magnus Carlsen sat down at the board and was like, "Oh yes, this is just smothered mate - no problem."

This way, if Rxc4 is played you can take back with one of the pawns, and now you get connect-4, somewhere Eric Rosen squeals in delight, and you have a protected passed pawn.

300 Elo players used to be way worse. Five, six years ago, people who were 300 Elo were shoving pieces up their nose.

Top level chess is a black hole that no-one can understand.

Twenty, thirty-year olds, don't pretend you have any maturity whatsoever!

"Two pieces for the rook is a good deal." Not when your king is standing with no clothes on, covering his private parts with a piece o tree bark, like in the cartoons.