Thank you for visiting Keelsville, the capital of Kiwiland.
You'll find Keelsville has a vast array of sites to visit.
I have provided a tour guide to help during your stay here.
The tour guide is named Pat. 
Pat knows all there is to know about Keelsville,
so feel free to ask questions during your tour (or course if you sit at your computer
and simply scream questions out, no one will answer you. Pat is deaf and can
only answer questions written and sent via the e-mail at the bottom of
the page. Anyhow, something is pretty messed up in your head if you think someone
is actually going to answer you while you sit at your computer and scream stuff
out. Come on, cyberspace isn't that cool yet.)
Do you see Pat up there in the page waving to you? (What do you mean you don't see Pat? Pat is right there. What kind of crack are you on? Pat is
very sensitive about gender orientation. Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT ,
ask if Pat is a man or woman. I mean, come on, I can tell just by looking, why
can't you?)
We all know that you'd love to visit everything in Keelsville, but Pat has asked that you limit your visiting to certain sites. Within the sites are also sites, and within those sites are sites...so if we didnt limit the sites in Keelsville, 
(click here to see this is not a gay pride flag.)
Pat feels you could spend eternity here. While, I realize that everyone wants
to spend an eternity getting to know all about the capital of a place that exists
only because I allow it, Pat just doesn't understand people's fixation with
Keelsville and Kiwiland on a whole. 
Because of that, we'll have to excuse Pat, maybe one day--if Pat's attitude doesn't change--Pat will be replaced, but until 
that day comes, I guess we'll have to deal with the moodiness. 
(See all the alcoholic beverages? that's how i deal with Pat.)
All that having been said, please enjoy your stay here, and visit often, one
never knows what might change about Keelsville, or Kiwiland for that matter.
P.S. If you have not yet signed my guestbook, Pat will find out. Pat carries
a glock. Pat has not had to use the glock yet, but Pat will. DO NOT TEST PAT.
Just sign the guestbook already.
Puh-leeeeeeeese, Sign
My Guestbook
View
My Guestbook
Beware, you may find this link in credibly offensive!!! (ok so how offensive can i be? lol)
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