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Does carrot cake count as a vegetable?
Unfortunate juxtapositioning: a Dairy Queen sign immediately above an unobtrusive Ace Hardware sign. Although it's rather eye-catching to see Dairy Queen appear to advertise composted manure. Sitting on the steps last night, I thought it was a mayonnaise jar night. If I had started walking across the yard with a jar, I swear it would've been full of fireflies before I made it across the fenced-in area. It was so crowded I bet they were having head-on collisions. It made me smile remembering a night a couple of summers ago when Riley and I were outside. Riley's haircut was at the stage where it was long enough to be curly. Imagine my surprise when a glance at him revealed a flashing nose. It didn't appear to be bothering him, must've been in his blind spot where he'd have to be cross-eyed to see it, but there was a firefly tangled in the hair above his nose. Okay, let me see if I have this straight. Cigarettes to lead to agonizing death is okay. Alcohol to lead to agonizing death is okay. Drugs to lead to agonizing death is not. Do I have that right? And no--with the exception of an average of around one drink a year, I do none of the above. Never even been tempted. Don't like being out of control, don't like being around people who are. I do, however, tend to feel explosive about my rights as an individual. The day they decide to outlaw chocolate because it causes obesity and shortens one's life span, I will probably become more militant about my right to bear arms. Hmmm. Stray thought--so many of the agonizing drug deaths one hears of are due to the fact they cannot be purchased in vending machines but instead must be bought in an atmosphere conducive to violence. The good news is I don't need to mow. The bad news is the grass crunches. I'm so glad we have such a wonderful, omniscient government who can tell it is cosmically okay for me to kill myself smoking, but not in a car accident. What would I do without them to make these tough calls for me. In case you couldn't tell, that was definitely a sarcastic tone in my voice. Who do these dolts think they are, passing laws that govern what I may do to myself when it infringes upon no one else's rights? Even though I wore a seat belt before it was law because I choose not to be maimed, I had to battle the fleeting, immature temptation to not fasten now just 'cause it so infuriates me being told what to do about something I consider no one's business but my own. Ever wonder what people did before alarm clocks? While we're on a roll. Cigarettes. I haven't even had the patience to read the articles about the group of folks suing the big, bad, tobacco companies about not being warned sufficiently of the addictive properties of tobacco. Okay, so I think it's kinda slimy manufacturing something with harmful features and no apparent redeeming quality other than giving you something to do with your hands. (Have y'all thought of making worry beads?) But where on earth have these plaintiffs been for the last yea many years? Even being a non-smoker from a non-smoking family, I know it's hell to stop smoking and cigarettes can kill you. When you get right down to it, setting on fire something that's in your mouth? Duh. Does this not give you a clue re the intelligence of the action? Let Congress actually make itself useful. Don't you think federal law should be enacted and enforced which requires that when a person grills food outdoors, they must grill in quantity sufficient to feed all those within smelling range? |
