On The Lighter Side
WHY ARE FIRE TRUCKS RED??
There are three men in the front, four in the rear.
Three times four is twelve.
There are twelve inches in a ruler.
Queen Mary was a ruler.
Queen Mary swims in the sea.
Fish also swim in the sea.
Fish have fins... and the Fins fought the Russians
Russians are Red...
Therefore, All Fire Engines are Red...
You Might Be A Firefighter If.....
1.You can tell what type of fire it is by the smell of smoke 10 miles away.
2.You have ever had a heated debate over the color of fire trucks.
3.You have ever spent 10 min trying to force open a door only to have someone come along and open it by turning the handle.
4.You have ever taken 10 or more showers in 1 day.
5.You lay out your clothes from that day so if there is a call at night you can find them quickly.
6.You have ever been airborne without an aircraft and water was your thrust.
7.You always wear red suspenders.
8.You have ever slept in a hose bed.
9.You carry a ton of specially modified tools in your pocket.
10.You ever cursed out someone for armor-alling the seats to make them look nice.
11.You've ever clung to the air horn chord for dear life because the driver is insane.
12.You have ever played jingle bells at Christmas time on the air horns to clear traffic
.
13.You double your weight every time you go on the job.
14.You have ever said, "she's hot tonight" and not been talking about a girl.
15.You have ever had "yoda ears"
16.You have ever called a person found after a fire a "crispy critter"
17.You have ever smoked and there wasn't a cigarette in sight.
18.You have ever stomped out a fire with your boots because you couldn't wait for water.
19.You have ever walked 3 miles into the woods in 100 degree heat in full turnout gear and a 5 gal or more water can strapped on your back just to put out a fire.
20.You roll around in anything that just burned to make your new gear look old.
21.You take pride in the fact that you haven't washed your gear in years.
22.You carry enough in your pockets to give the Swiss army knives competition.
23.You carry enough equipment in your car to extinguish a minor blaze.
24.You have ever juggled hot coals with your gloves.
25.You are caught on the back of a truck with your girlfriend or wife in the middle of something and the page goes out for a call.
26.If you have more pagers than money in your wallet.
27.If the smell of a fire excites you more than sex does.
28.If a great stop has nothing do with a moving vehicle.
29.If assembling a mile and a half of hose to catch fire running up hill is a good day.
30.You ever tried to patent a 911 blocker with the phone company.
31.If you can hear that the siren will go off even before your dog notices it.
32.If you have ever woken up thinking your pager went off and as you look at it, it goes off.
33.You know you're a firefighter when you really think that rusty old hydrant looks good in the garden.
34.All your friends give you t-shirts from their departments for your birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc.
35.If you had to extricate someone by cutting the car doors off on one side and realized there was nothing wrong with the doors on the other side.
36.When you take all of your important stuff (like wallets and pagers) out of your pockets before going to a training involving a portable tank.
Rank Of A Fire Fighter.
Fire Chief: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and dictates policy to God.
Deputy Chief: Leaps short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if the sea is calm, and talks to God.
Assistant Chief: Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding B.B., walks on water in an indoor pool, and talks to God if request is approved.
Captain: Barely clears the firehouse, loses a tug of war with a locomotive, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, and is occasionally addressed by God.
Acting Captain: Makes high marks when trying to leap tall buildings, is run over by locomotives, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury, can dog-paddle.
Lieutenant: Runs into buildings, can recognize a locomotive two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed, and talks to water.
Fire Fighter: Lifts buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the tracks, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and chews them, freezes water a glance, HE IS GOD!
(one for the wives)
You Know you are the Significent Other of someone on the Fire Department When...
1.You wake up to your alarm clock and shout "will you shut that pager off already"
2.Your idea of a massage is having your significent other practice secondary survey on you.
3.You have many fire shirts and never bought one.
4.Your idea of a turn on is wearing their sweaty gear.
5.You have ever been stood up for a call.
6.You see Backdraft and want to imitate the hosebed scene.(wink)
7.You have ever waited 6 hours while they went on a "quick" call. (been there?)
8.You are more familar with their station than your parents home.
9.You can discuss dismemberment at the dinnertable without vomiting.
10.You belong to one of the following clubs: Ferno, code 3, Hosebed, Hotride (did I cover them all).
11.You have memorized all their radio codes.
12.You have a scanner and all of their frequences programmed in.
14. You automatically reach for the volume when their pager goes off.
13.You read webpages like this one :-)
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I WISH YOU COULD.
