Jokes About Men
Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor lock.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions!
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
What can a bird do that a man can't?
Whistle through it's pecker!
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take
to do the dishes?
Both of them.
What's the difference between a man and a lawnmower?
Lawnmowers don't bitch after they cut the yard.
What one thing can always get a man out of your life?
A hunting licence.
What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?
A candlelit football stadium.
What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
A sex-change operation.
Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why do men talk so dirty?
So they can wash their mouth out with beer.
What do men think the only difference is between Father's Day and
those other 364 days?
The card.
Why did God create man?
She didn't. Her husband did.
How do you confuse a man?
Tell him to start a knock-knock joke.
Why do men do odd jobs around the house?
If they do, it's odd!
What happens when a man opens his zipper?
His brains fall out.
Why did God make women so stupid?
Someone had to like men!
Why did God put men on Earth?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn!
What does PMS stand for?
Putting (up with) Men's Stupidity
If they can put a man on the moon,
why can't they put them all there?
Why don't women have men's brains?
Because they don't have penises to keep them in!
Why do women fake orgasm?
Because men fake foreplay!
What do electric toy trains and breasts have in common?
They're usually intended for the children, but it's the husbands
who end up playing with them!
What do you have when you've got 2 little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
What did God say when he made man?
I'll get it right next time.
Why did God make man before woman?
You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.
Why do men float better than women?
'Cause men are scum!
Why do men have a hole in the end of their penis?
So they can get some air to their brains.
Why do men like masturbation?
It's sex with someone they love.
Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to
put in it?
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Why is a man's pee yellow and their sperm is white?
So they can tell if their Cuming or Going...
How many men does it take to put the seat down?
Nobody knows. It hasn't happened yet.
Have you heard of the Lorena Bobbit computer virus?
It turns your harddrive into a 3 1/2 floppy!
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