You Know Your Obssesed With Bowie When...

...you look at a wall in a music store & divide it into people who were influences on Bowie, people who were influenced by Bowie, & people who worked with Bowie

...you sort out your CD collection based on ties to Bowie

...you find yourself imitating Bowie's stage moves in the shower (especially the "Johnny wants pussy in cars" crotch grab)

...you look at a US map & identify cities with which albums were recorded there

...you conciously try to smoke your ciggies just like He does

...you start smoking because he does

...you buy albums you already have because it's a different version with one extra track or one alternate version

...out of the three disc slots in your stereo, at least two always have Bowie discs in them

...you consider buying the Springsteen tribute album for $40 for 1 Bowie track

...you own a couple dozen 70's LPs despite the fact that you don't have a record player

...you have a Bowie poster at the foot of your bed so he's the first thing you see every morning

...your answering machine message has more than three lyric quotes

...people come running up to you to tell you they saw a Bowie video the previous week on MTV

.....you have a special folder in your bookmarks (or favorites) list labeled "Bowie"

...EVERYTHING reminds you of a lyric

......Teenage Wildlife is your start page for your web browser

...someone says "Bowie" & all your friends look at you

...you smack around anyone who makes a Vanilla Ice comment when Under Pressure comes on

...you actually made a sidetrip to Bowie, Texas just to say you'd been there

...you know what i mean when i say "Red lorry...green lorry..."

...when you only use your laserdisc player to still-frame the "special scene" in Man who Fell to Earth

...you've memorized the URL for every page pertaining to Earthling tourdates you attended

...you'd rather continue this conversation than take care of "nature's call"

...you have a t-shirt, ticket stub, pictures, and poster from the MSG b'day bash even though you couldn't make it there

...your primary concern when making a long trip is that you'll be away from the 'net too long and will miss the Bowie news and your friends in #Bowie

...your parents didn't even bother trying to tell you they couldn't afford to fly you across the country just for one Bowie show

...you are almost afraid to say "Bowie" 'cause your friends will yell at you

...you somehow manage to steer every conversation toward Bowie, despite the original topic

...every once in awhile you'll search the web for more Bowie stuff, knowing full well you've seen it all

...the guys at all the local record stores know your name & hold Bowie stuff for you

...you desperately hope that someday soon you'll have enough cash to buy something from bowieart.com

...your signifigant other volunteers this plan to get rich: "Well, you marry Bowie, divorce him, and we'll live on the alimony payments!"

...you've thought of trading in (non-Bowie) cds just to buy more Bowie, and perhaps some bowieart

...extra points if you actually HAVE traded in discs you liked just to buy more Bowie

...you have the same Bowie albums on CD and cassete & see no need to get rid of either

...you have more than ten distinct versions of Space Oddity.....and can tell them all apart by the first 15 seconds

...you bought a walkman just to listen to Bowie in the 10 minutes you have walking between classes

...every time you start typing a word that starts with "b" you accidentally start typing "Bowie" instead...

...you've converted a non-Bowie-adoring signifigant other into a Bowie fan through sheer will

...you've loaned out your copies of "the basics" countless times in attempts to gain new followers

...you can suggest a Bowie cd to someone upon just meeting them, and after loaning it to them they like it a lot

...you run up and snog complete strangers, simply because they are wearing a TW t-shirt

...you're also a Heinlein fan & so consider Starship Troopers to be the culmination of all things in existence simply for its inclusion of "Oxford Town" (or Golden Years if you're a Stephen King fan)

...when your friend gets a Bowie CD from the library and can't remember the name, you have them tell you the colors on the cover and you correctly ID it. [actually, i've been informed that i've done this on multiple occasions -mookid]

...the biggest dilemma you face at night is which disc of the Eno trilogy you are going to sleep to

...you do your very best to dress and act like Bowie-- and you're a girl.

...your personal homepage opens with Bowie lyrics, even though the page has nothing to do with Bowie at all

...you have no personal homepage, because you've spent all your web time making stuff for Bowie fans

...you watch an entire hour-long biography on Bowie & don't learn anything new

...you can't bring yourself not to capitalize "Bowie" even though you don't capitalize "i"

...you avoid using the word "Bowie" as the header for a page because it's the only capitalized word, and looks silly

...when the only two music videos you've ever edited together are to Bowie songs

...the sound of it pronounced "Boo-ee" pisses you off to no end

...the only dream you can remember in four years is the one involving Bowie, a canopy bed, silk scarves and chocolate dipped strawberries

...it really bothers you when Bowie forgets a lyric in a live show or a bootleg studio rehearsal

...people ask "Do you like David Bowie" & you just can't find the words

...you buy the Criterion Man Who Fell to Earth laserdisc before you get a laserdisc player just in case it goes out of print before you can afford the player

...you set off the fire alarm at work trying to duplicate a pose where Bowie is holding a lit cigarette

...you throw rolled up socks at the TV everytime microsoft desecrates "Heroes"...

...when you can't focus on Kabuki theater cause everyone looks like Ziggy