FROM A SIM WITH ALISON AS WES AND SHELONEI AS DOC

*

2200hrs, they reached Coruscant. Anreson rushed Siee to the military hospital and, with the help of two 2-1B's, spent the following eight hours doing reconstructive surgery for Siee Janson's knee and shin. She now watched tiredly, pulling off her mask and cap, as a couple of med-techs lowered the girl into a bacta-tank for the first of several in-between dips. She sighed, stuffing the cap and mask into a pocket of her scrub-suit, and headed over to the waiting room.

Janson was slumped in a chair, fast asleep, several cups of caf at his feet. Hobbie was already in a tank, due to come out soon, and so couldn't wait with his best friend for news on Siee. Janson had refused a dunking, saying he wanted to be sure the tanks were free for the others; and so he still wore the bacta-cast on his right hand, the healing would be slightly slower, but would still take place much more quickly than it had the first time he'd broken it.

She sat in a chair beside Janson and shook his shoulder gently. "Major Janson?" After waiting for a response, and not getting one, she shook him again. "Wes?"

His eyes slowly opened. He had worn himself out on this last mission, and not slept hardly all since they had found his sister. "Yeah...."

"Siee's in the tank now."

He sat up and rubbed a hand over his face, a five-o'clock shadow forming on his chin and cheeks. "That's good. How's the knee?"

Anreson sighed, "I had to replace the kneecap, but everything will heal normally, and she won't know any difference."

Janson sighed in relief, "No lasting traumas?"

"Physically, no, other than occasional aches with weather changes. Mentally and emotionally, however," she shrugged. "We won't really find that out until she's un-tanked after the final surgery."

He lowered his head into his hands and sighed again, sadly. "What am I gonna tell our mother... she's gonna have my head on a platter for this."

"It wasn't your fault... what happened," she put a comfourting hand on his shoulder. "I have a feeling your mother's just going to be glad she's alive."

He shook his head, "I was supposed to protect her."

"Wes, look at me."

He looked up, his visage not it's usual merry self, and not the haunted one from the days she had treated him either. Instead, it showed someone who had seen too far beyond his years, someone who was simply worn out.

"What happened was not your fault," she told him. "It was the fault of those monsters who caught and imprisoned her. You did everything you could to find her, and you did save her." She shook her head and sighed, "She's a Janson and, just like you, she's resilient."

He stood and walked to look out the nearby window, "But it was my job to protect her, Doc. I made that promise a long time ago. I failed miserably the first time... abandoning them all just because I made some stupid mistake. And now, when I get a chance to make up for it... to help Siee once more...." He shook his head wordlessly and pressed his forehead to the window.

Anreson got to her feet and moved beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Wes, she chose her own path, a path that she knew would be dangerous. She's all grown up now," she took her hand away and leaned against the windowsill, her back against the window, regarding him.

"I'm a horrible brother."

"What makes you think that?" she asked, folding her arms and looking him in the eye.

He turned to look at her. "You've read my file..." he tilted his head, "You don't know... do you?"

She looked back curiously, "Know what?"

He lowered his gaze, "When I was seven, my sister Merii was kidnapped by pirates.... I was supposed to stay with her, but I got scared and ran to my father, and the pirates grabbed her. Five years later, my father was killed while trying to get her back. Siee was only six months then.... Then, when I was seventeen..." he shook his head and stopped.

"Go on," Anreson encouraged him. He had to talk this out.

After a long pause, Janson started again, "When I was seventeen, my best friend Nat Maseel started to date my older sister Mia.... And he hurt her... badly... and I had a chance to stop it and I didn't...." his voice trailed off again.

She waited silently for him to continue, and he sighed. "I joined the Rebellion because if I stayed, my family would be in danger. I abandoned my mother, my sister, and my six-year-old Siee...." He turned, pressing his forehead to the window again. "She begged me not to go, but I had to...."

"Wes, you say that if you stayed, your family would have been in danger. You didn't abandon them."

"Joining the Rebellion just kept Maseel away from them for a while... he went back after them anyway. After Mia... to get to me."

"But you went back..." she prompted him.

"Yeah. Ten years too late."

Anreson shook her head, "Think about it, Wes. If you had stayed, what would have happened?"

"I don't know, but at least I would have been able to protect my family. Maybe find Merii... and now, instead, I bring Siee into this life of danger and heroism that I ran to as a way to protect them."

"No."

He looked at her curiously.

"Siee went into a life of danger and heroism regardless. If you had stayed behind, and been there for the Taanabian Rebellion, I highly doubt she would have sat on the sidelines."

"She did this because she wanted to be like me, Doc. If I had stayed at home like a real brother, she wouldn't have had to join that Taanabian Rebellion, 'cause I would have done it instead."

"Siee wouldn't have let you do it alone."

"She wouldn't be the Siee in that tank," he pointed toward the med-bay, "if I had stayed home!"

"Oh?" Anreson said incredulously. "Think back. What sort of personality did she have as a child? Was it a quiet, sit on the sidelines type, or a go out and help to do things type? Sure. People's experiences often mould who they are, but who they are moulds how they respond to those same experiences."

He closed his eyes. "She was just like me," he fought to hold back a tear. "Mia was always the little girl of the family... but, Siee was my little clone," he turned and punched the wall with his left hand, his right still encased in it's bacta-cast, before resting his head against it.

She was silent a moment before continuing. "You are not a horrible brother. A horrible brother wouldn't be such a role-model. A horrible brother wouldn't leave the people he loves, to protect them. A horrible brother wouldn't risk his life going back to ensure their safety." She shook her head, "A wonderful brother would do all these things, and more. And you," she waited for him to turn to face her, then pointed a finger to his chest. "You, Major Wes Janson of Rogue Squadron... and, more importantly, Wes Janson of Taanab.... You are a wonderful brother."

He shook his head, "If I was a wonderful brother, my sister would be here... my father would be here... and Siee wouldn't be in that tank. She would be..." he turned and slumped against the wall. "Sith, I'm a fool."

"You were a child, Wes. You cannot beat yourself up for that. You can't try and shoulder a galaxy of responsibilities on the little boy you once were."

He sniffed and gave her a small laugh. "You know, Tycho always jokes about me never being serious... never being responsible. Sometimes... sometimes I think I ran away because I couldn't handle the responsibility," he sighed.

"I don't think that's true.... And I honestly believe that, deep down, you don't either."

He ran a hand through his hair, "And Fel! All he wanted was to love Siee, and I destroyed that for her too," he lowered his head.

"No. Try that thought again, Wes."

"I objected to them.... I had Ooryl try to stop it. If I had just been... sane about it...."

"Wes...."

He moved to a nearby chair and sat down. "Maybe I should just go back to my padded room, and have you throw away the key."

"I can't do that," she smirked.

"Someone else occupying it? I'll take a smaller room."

She chuckled and shook her head. "No, you won't. You prefer those big old officer's quarters, admit it," she teased him as she sat in a chair beside him.

"Well," he chuckled as well, "You wouldn't have to worry about me interrupting you and Hobbie ever again."

Anreson looked to the ceiling, as if searching for patience, and shook her head with a short laugh. "That hardly matters."

He looked up, "What are you talking about?"

She ignored his question and shook her head. "You need to come to terms with yourself, Wes. Until you do... well, there really isn't anything I can do to help you. As a shrink, or as a squadmate."

"I've messed up.... Messed up in so many ways, that I don't think I'm going to be able to repair the damage anymore."

"Well then, I guess we'll just have to lock you up for good," she told him. "Or, perhaps, dismantle you for spare parts."

He leaned his head into his hand and looked up, smirking. "You'll be lucky if you find a market."

"Oh, you'd be surprised," she nodded.

Janson sat back in his chair, leaning his head against the wall. "I'm not even thirty yet, Doc... and I feel like I'm fifty right now."

"Life does that sometimes, but I promise you it won't last forever."

"I think I really should have just retired after the whole Beruss incident. Taken the general's retirement, and gone home," he sighed.

"And do what?"

He looked up and gazed out the window, "Search for all the people I've lost in my life...."

"People like your sister... or Alycen?" she asked quietly.

His eyes didn't leave the window, but he nodded. "Yeah."

She sighed, "I honestly don't know what to tell you."

He yawned sleepily.

"Go get some sleep, Wes."

He shook his head, "Not until she's out. I lost someone else 'cause I didn't stay until they had woken up.... I'm not going to make that mistake twice."

"Mistake?"

"Alycen..." his voice trailed off and he shook his head.

Anreson waited silently to see if he would continue, but he only reached into his shirt to pull out his necklace. He started to twirl it with his left hand, his mind lost in the past. "Alright, I tell you what. I'll find you a gurney to sleep on, and we'll put it right outside the tank. Make it a compromise."

He knew better not to argue any longer, he was so exhausted. "Sure... don't know if I'll sleep, but I'll compromise."

"Good. Come on, you can sit with your sister while I go get it." She waved a hand toward the med-bay's door and stood.

He followed her silently inside, his hand still playing with the necklace. She led him to Siee's tank, then went off in search of a gurney for him to sleep on, along with some blankets and pillows.

Janson looked up at Siee, floating in the bacta, and bit his lip. "Gods, Siee... I'm so sorry," he lifted a hand to touch the tank. "I should have been there.... I should have stopped it.... If only I could have told you..." he bit his lip. Told you that I loved you.... And asked for you to forgive me for being so stupid.

Anreson stood in the doorway. She sighed quietly and shook her head, waiting a moment to see if maybe he could figure things out for himself without disturbance. When nothing more was said, she bumped the gurney noisily against the door as she pushed it in, with a few pillows and some blankets on top.

He turned quickly, clearing his throat, "Thanks, Doc."

"No problem," she pushed it to a spot beside the tank before locking it down, then busied herself making it up for him.

He moved to stop her, "You don't have to do that...."

She chuckled, "Call it instinct." She stood straight and looked down at him seriously, "Are you going to be alright?" Then, sensing that maybe being direct wouldn't facilitate a response, she went back to finish making up the 'bed'.

He nodded, "Yeah. Just need to think." He tilted his head to look at her, "How can I ever thank you?"

She stood after turning down the covers and faced him again. "How about by being yourself, when you figure out who he is.... Oh, and you have my comm number if you need me."

He smiled, "You know, if I could figure that one out, I think everyone I know would worship you for it."

She returned his smile with one of her own, "That's just the thing.... You don't have to work at being yourself. You just are. It's when you try to rationalize who you think you should be, that you get in trouble."

He raised an eyebrow, "You're going analyst on me, Doc.... I'm not understanding the jargon here," he grinned.

She shook her head, "I'm sorry. What I'm trying to say, is don't try to be someone you're not. Someone you think you should be. Just..." she shrugged. "Be."

He nodded, "Okay, I get it. Wedge would be yelling at you not to tell me that, but I get it." He paused a moment, "If I could also figure out something else to call you, besides 'Doc', I'd be happier too."

How about 'friend'? She chuckled, "I don't know about that one, the nickname seems to have stuck here about as quickly as it did with the other squadrons." Waving a hand, she continued, "But if you think of something else you want to call me, you just go right ahead. Just don't call me late for meals," she grinned.

He chuckled, "'Night, 'Lady-Who-Needs-New-Nickname'."

Anreson laughed, "That's got to be the longest nickname on record."

"No.... I had a friend once who was... uhm... something 'Ramma-Lamma-Ding-Dong'.... I can't quite remember," he grinned. "She hated it, from what I hear."

She raised an eyebrow, "I don't know if that's much better."

He shrugged, "I could just call you 'Hobbie's Girl'...."

She smiled and shook her head at him, "Get some sleep, Wes."

He sat down on the gurney and yawned, "'Nite, Doctor Anreson."

"'Nite, Wes," she smiled. "Maybe you'll find a nickname for me as time goes by. Sleep sweet, and dream well."

Janson stretched out on the gurney-bed, and soon fell fast asleep... not even snoring.

She left then, letting the doors slide shut behind her quietly. After telling the nurse not to disturb the exhausted pilot, she headed to the doctor's lounge and flopped onto the couch for a brief three-hour nap before going back and performing the second stage of her surgery.

1000hrs, the nurse woke her. Anreson nodded and headed back to the operating facility. Siee had been gently washed off, still kept under general anisthetic, and was now lying on the table once again. With a heavy sigh, she and the two 2-1B's worked at reconstruction of her bicep.

1500hrs, they finished and Siee was lowered back into the tank for her second dip. Janson still slept in the gurney. She stopped and looked down at the Taanabian and pulled the covers back up over him. She headed back to the doctor's lounge for another quick nap. She had to keep her skills sharp.

1810hrs, and Anreson was back in the operating facility. This was the last stage of reconstruction. During the previous dips, Siee's wounds had healed somewhat, but Anreson had to cut back into the ones in her stomach so she and the 2-1B's could make sure the muscles would heal together properly. They finished with her foot, making sure that the healing process wouldn't web her toes together, along with resetting the bones in her foot.

2240hrs. Anreson sighed as Siee was lowered into the bacta tank for the last time. She would stay there for the next couple of days as her wounds healed. Janson had awakened briefly and, after a few soft words while she changed the bacta in his cast, he was convinced to go back to sleep.

Janson lay back down and soon returned to his peaceful rest.

After telling the new nurse not to disturb him on her rounds, she went for a quick shower and change. Donning the clothes she had been wearing back on Tralus earlier, she then headed for the Rogue Lounge to unwind before going to bed herself.

-------END-------