FROM SIM WITH SHELONEI AS DOC, VICKIE AS HOBBIE, MIKE AS MIKE, ISA AS GAVIN AND REILIN, DANA AS DANA, MIDDOUR AS TYCHO, ALISON AS WES

After cleaning up the supper dishes, Hobbie decided to go for a walk. He put on his jacket and left without telling Wes goodbye. Before long, he found himself entering the Gardens. Not sure why he'd gone there, he decided to wander around anyway.

Doc made her way to a tree in the Gardens. This one tree, in particular, seemed to draw her to itself, comfourting her in her sadnesses. She stood, leaning against it, her forehead against the cool bark, tears streaming down her face as she sobbed quietly.

Mike stood a short distance away, noticing people in the Gardens who avoided going near the obviously pained young woman.

Hobbie heard someone crying. Peeking through the bushes, he saw her. "Amanda," he whispered to himself. "Why are you here? Why are you crying?" He looked for a way around the bush, but found himself in the hedgemaze. Sighing, he stood and watched her.

"I wish I could make sense of what I'm feeling," she spoke quietly to herself. She slid to her knees, then sat down beside the tree, drawing her legs up before her. She leaned against the tree's cool, smoothe bark.

Feeling? What are you feeling, Amanda? Hobbie wished he could help her.

She drew the back of her hand across her eyes, wiping away the tears, then brought it to lightly trace the intricasies of the soft bark. "He said that he loved me.... That I reminded him of oceans, and cool breezes...." She took in a deep shuddering breath. "And I think I love him too, but...." She brought her knees up closer to her chest, wrapping one arm around them and bowing her head. "I don't know what to do. I'm so confused... so much is happening, so fast.... So much, so quickly...."

What?! His mouth fell open. I didn't send that.... He remembered that Wes had been at the comm station when he came in with the groceries. Had he...? Of course he had. Oh Amanda... I'm so sorry.

"I don't want to hurt him," she said quietly, unsure whether she was speaking to herself, or the tree. "But I'm afraid to let him close. I'm a Rogue now, and rogues die... and I don't want him to hurt when I die, not like I hurt when...." she broke off, her tears renewing in earnest. She hid her face in her knees as she sobbed quietly.

"But it hurts more when you won't let me in at all!" He slapped his hand over his mouth. He hadn' meant to say that aloud, at least not THAT loud. With a grimace, he pushed his way through the hedge and stood just on the other side.

Her head snapped up, her red-rimmed eyes wide, "Derek?!"

He shoved his hands deeply into his pockets, "I'm sorry, Amanda, I didn't mean to..."

She looked away from him then, the tears still flowing unchecked from her eyes. "But," she spoke quietly. "Would you rather hurt a little now, and less later... or not at all now, and have your heart torn beyond imagination later?" Her voice was haunted.

"Tell me something. Why do you have to be so pessimistic about your life? Being a Rogue means you have to have optimism." He so desperately wanted to go over and hold her.

She laughed mirthlessly, still looking away from him, her voice oddly calm. "With a dessimated heart, how can I be otherwise?"

Now he was confused. "What do you mean?"

She shook her head.

"If you want me to leave, just say so."

"I don't know what want anymore," she spoke so softly that he had to strain to hear her words. "But I think I know one thing," she continued in that same barely audible tone. "I love you, and if that means hurting you a little right now to keep you from feeling like this later..." she shook her head again, "I'll do so."

Those were her words, barely audible, but those were her words. However, when she had done saying that, her calm facade broke, and she buried her face in her knees, sobbing heart-wrenchingly. Why? Because all she wanted right now was for him to hold her, and tell her everything would be alright. That the pain would go away, and that she didn't have to be afraid.

He moved over to crouch down in front of her. "If we both love each other, then why can't we be together?" he spoke softly, and calmly. Reasonably.

"B.... Because we.... We're both.... R... Rogues...." she told him quietly between her sobbing.

He reached out and brushed her bangs back, "What does that matter?"

"'Either... either one of us could... could be gone... tomorrow. Don't... don't get too... attached, it... it hurts less that way'." She quoted to him what Tycho had told her when she first joined the squadron. Words she'd often heard in her mind during her life, but that became louder whenever she was around one of the Rogues, and deafening whenever she was with Hobbie.

After watching them for a few minutes, Mike sneaked away to give them some privacy. He did, however, stay close enough that he could hear the murmer of their voices, and know they hadn't left.

"Then I quit," he told her matter-of-factly.

She shook her head, her face still buried in her knees. "You can't quit."

"Why? If me quitting means you and I can be together, then I'll give everything up." It was true. He felt that he was getting too old for this anyway, it was time to retire.

"It just doesn't work that way!" she looked up at him, pain deeply etched in her eyes. "Because once you're a Rogue, you're always a Rogue. You can't quit something like this, no-one ever can, and even if you could, I don't think I could bring myself to, and if I'm still a Rogue it makes no difference, and..." she shook her head then looke down. She wanted so desperately to scream at whatever it was that had destroyed her world so long ago and scattered her foundations so badly that she couldn't ever think straight when it came to her own interpersonal relationships.

He moved to sit beside her, and put an arm around her shoulders. "What if I retire? I'll stay here on Coruscant. I'll never go anywhere. Sith, Amanda, I want to do anything to stay with you."

"Nearly everyone I've ever cared about, almost everyone I've ever gotten close to has died... violently. I'm.... I'm bad luck."

"I'm going to change that. Let me in, please."

With that she turned into his arms and let herself cry on his shoulder, "I don't want you to die too!"

He wrapped his arms around her and held her closely. "I'm not going to die."

She huddled in his arms, weeping bitterly. If only she could make herself believe him.

He lay his head against hers. He wanted to help her, but what could he do? He knew there wasn't anything.

"I'm so afraid," she whispered.

"I know," he replied softly. "So am I."

"So much has happened in such a short time," she said quietly, the tears having now run their course. I know you need to know where you stand with me... but..... "Please... I need... I need time...."

He sighed. "Okay, take all the time you need. You know where I am." Slowly, he pulled away from her. "I... I'll leave you now."

Reluctantly, she let him pull away from her, while wrapping a protective emotional cloak around herself. She simply looked at the ground and mutely nodded, her breathing wracked with the shuddering of one who has spent too long crying.

Something grabbed his heart and squeezed it tightly. He'd lost her, and he knew it. "I love you, Amanda," he whispered as he stood. Without another word, he walked away.

When he was gone, she whispered, "I love you too, Derek." With a sigh, she leaned back against the tree, and stared at the ground in silence.

*

Reilin sighed and looked up to Corran. "Well, Mr. Horn.... Guess the party is over...."

*

Wedge walked over to Myn as Tycho left, and spoke so only he could hear. "I think I have to know now."

Myn looked over at Wedge. "Well, follow me. She's not over him, Wedge... I know it."

He nodded, "I gathered that from earlier today."

The two Corellians headed into Doc's bedroom, the door had been left open in her flight from the quarters. Once they entered, Wedge shut the door behind them.

Myn walked over to the bedstand where the picture of Doc and Ton sat, and picked it up, "I think you know about the holo."

"Yeah, I was there."

Myn pulled the goodbye letter from behind the holo and handed it to Wedge. "But you don't know about this...."

Wedge took the letter and quickly read it. "Hmm... Okay, I get the whole Ton story, but why is she upset now?"

He pointed to the dresser atop which the broken blue-glass curio lay. "That was from Ton, she flipped when that broke. And the message... Well, that was from Hobbie, where he was telling Doc that he loved her."

"And what's so bad about that?"

"She's not over Ton. It's only been a couple of months since she found out he died."

"Sounds like a familiar story," Wedge replied.

"It's just too soon for her. Well.... Several stories are like that."

"I remember yours though," Wedge told him. "It might be best if you talk to her sometime."

Myn sighed, "Yeah, I know. Though I'm not sure if now is the time."

"No, not now."

"Not with everyone around. I think I'll need to tell her my story to help her out."

"When she feels better."

"Yeah," Myn sighed again. "When she's better." Whenever that is.

"Should I be worried about her being fit to fly with Hobbie?"

"Uh, you're the boss. As long as we don't have a mission soon, I think it'll be okay. But if we have a mission tomorrow...." Myn shrugged. "She's at the same point I was. Right now I wouldn't say she's fit."

Wedge nodded, "I'll see how long I can avert mission duty. But, I'm not really sure how long this leave will last."

"Okay. She needs time, that's all."

"And what about Hobbie? Why isn't he here?"

"Uhm... I don't know about that. You might want to talk to Wes about that, he probably knows more."

"Sounds like a plan."

Myn grinned, "A good plan. It'll work." There was a moment's pause. "Oh, Wedge, could you hand me the note back? Doc needs all the memories of Ton she can get."

"Oh yeah," he handed the note back to Myn, "Anything else I should know about relating to this?"

Taking the note, he put it back behind the holo. "Uhm, this is practically all I know. The rest you'll have to get out of each of them," he said as he placed the holo back on the bedstand.

"Okay, good enough."

"Well, I think I'll try to find her. Make sure she gets back here."

"Okay."

"As much whisky as she had... It'd make a hutt drunk," Myn told him as they headed out of her room.

*

Tycho headed outside to the building's balcony on that level, watching the night speeder traffic zip by. He took a last pull of his Alderaanian brandy, draining the bottle. He pulled it away from his lips and looked at it longingly before letting the bottle slip from his grasp. The bottle glinted in the night's light as it tumbled end over end from the balconly, falling into the void of the deep recesses of Coruscant.

He sighed and fiddled with the box. After a while, he pulled out his comlink and called Emtrey. "Emtrey, I need you to do something for me."

Moments later, the black clamshell headed droid walked up to Tycho.

He handed him the box. "See to it that Commander Anreson gets that," he said just before he walked away, leaving a bewildered droid behind him.

After a minute of speculation, Emtrey walked around dazed, carrying the box, looking for Doctor Anreson.

*

Dana put the bottle down beside her and muttered another curse. In toying with her little thing, she accidentally cut herself with one of the tools.

Gavin walked in and saw her. "Hey...."

She jumped slightly and knocked the bottle off the counter it was set on, it fell to the floor and shattered with a crash. "Ow... Hi Gavin."

"Oh... Hey, let me see...." He went over and took her cut hand in his. He looked at her, "You okay, you've got a nasty little cut."

She nodded, "Just a little cut, happens all the time...."

He turned the tap on, running the water, and placed her hand in the flow. "Here, let me clean it up."

She blinked as she felt the water run over her hand, "You don't have to, you know.... It's nothing..."

He closed down the tap, and grabbed a medkit atop the counter. "Yeah, I know... but if I hadn't startled you, then you wouldn't have cut your hand."

Dana simply smiled, figuring he wouldn't stop until it was fixed, or she became beligerant. "It's not your fault, Gavin. Things happen sometimes.... It's not your fault."

"I guess, but still," he took out a small bacta patch and placed it on her hand. "There.... All better."

She smiled slightly, "What's up?"

Gavin did not let go of her hand. "Nothing much. It's just been a while since we talked... you know?"

"I know. I've been busy... and you've been busy...."

"Yeah, we have been tied up... haven't we?" he gave her a slight grin.

She smiled, "At least it wasn't literally this time."

His slight grin softened to a smile, "Yeah..." his voice trailed off as he recalled past times together with Dana. "But at least that time," Gavin looked down. "We were together...."

She nodded then looked at him, "Is something wrong?"

He looked up to meet her eyes, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Gavin."

He looked into her eyes, a bit surprised. "You have?"

She gazed back, "Would anything else have been true?"

He smiled, "No."

*

Emtry toddled off down a walkway, his servos the only sound other than the wind, and occasional speeder zipping by, cutting through the night.

*

Reilin stood, chugging the last of her bottle. "I'm going for some air." Without another word she left the quarters and headed for the plaza near the Gardens. Looking down at her feet, watching the ground move by, she almost ran into Hobbie. "Oh, sorry...."

He didn't even look up, and mumbled, "Sorry."

She did. "Oh, Hobbie. Wedge is looking for you...."

He blinked and looked up. "Huh?" He scratched his head and moved on, "I'll talk to him tomorrow."

She kept on walking. "It's okay.... Later."

*

Hobbie left the Gardens, and eventually ended back up at his quarters. Tossing his jacket on the couch, he looked around for Wes. "Hey Janson, you here?" He saw the closed bedroom door and went to knock on it.

A groan could be heard from within the bedroom, something resembling, "What?"

"Wes, I need to talk." He leaned against the door, tired and weary.

"Okay."

"So, can I come in?"

An object could be heard hitting the wall, and the door opened. Hobbie barely caught himself before he fell in. "Thanks, Pal." He moved over to sit on the bed. "Are you okay, Man?"

Wes lay flat on his stomach, a heavy blanket covering him up to his head. His nose and chin stuck out the top, and his booted feet stuck out the other end. "Yeah... just tired."

"I'm sorry to borther you, but I really need someone to talk to." Hobbie sighed. "You sent the letter that was on my datapad to Amanda, didn't you?"

"If I didn't, I knew you wouldn't."

"You're right. And she's already read it." He ran a hand through his hair, "I ran into her over in the Gardens."

"And?"

"She was crying," he said softly. "She... she doesn't want to get close because we're Rogues. I just don't understand."

Wes muttered a curse to himself. "Where would she get an idea like that? Rogues are supposed to be close."

"I don't know. She said something about not getting too attached, it hurts less that way." He sighed, "Sounds like some rubbish Tycho would spit out."

"It probably is some rubbish he spat out," Wes said off-handedly.

"But... why would he tell Amanda that?"

"Who knows... harsh reality kick? Maybe he just wants you to be dour for the rest of your life." He moved a bit and whimpered. "But we don't even know it was him. Hell, it could be anyone telling her that... even herself."

"Probably," Hobbie watched his best friend and frowned. "I even offered to quit. Retire from the Rogues."

"WHAT?!" Wes popped up backwards in bed suddenly, pushing the covers away. He stared at Hobbie for a moment, then his face screwed itself up in pain and he fell back onto his stomach.

Hobbie winced. "Come on Wes, we're going to the hospital." He stood and gently took Wes' arm.

Wes batted his hand away. "Why the hell did you offer to quit for?"

He sat back down, "Because.... Because I'll do anything to be with her." He stared at the wall with unseeing eyes, "I love her Wes. I... I can't take her pushing me away anymore."

"What did she say when you offered this?"

"She said I couldn't."

"And what else? What did she say when you told her you loved her?"

"Once a Rogue, always a Rogue," he chuckled sadly. "She said it would be better to hurt some now than a lot when she dies. She's so damn pessimistic about her life."

"This coming from you?" Wes chuckled.

Hobbie snorted. "Right, and you're Mister Optomism yourself. Wes, we've known eachother for a long time. We both know that these are merely an outer layer to hide our true selves."

"I was kidding," Wes let his head drop deeper into his pillow. "So, she just pushed you away, telling you to never see her again, now?"

"No, not really. She just wants time. I'm tired of waiting," he paused. "You know... she actually said that she loves me."

Wes smiled, "That's a GOOD thing, Hobbie. Give her the time she needs then."

"But what if she decides she really doesn't love me? What then?"

Wes closed his eyes for a moment, "Want the truth?"

"Yes," he said quietly.

"Then Hobbie, you're going to have to respect her wishes and move on."

"Perhaps I should move on now."

"No. Because if she finally lets her head and heart connect, and you've moved on, then you're going to hurt her. And I KNOW you don't want to do that." Wes reached over to his beside table and grabbed a pill bottle. He took two white pills out and swallowed them.

Hobbie put his head in his hands. "No, I don't. But, gods, this hurts worse than your back."

Wes winced, "Well, Hobbie, all I can tell you is that love does hurt. It hurts a lot when the woman you love is unattainable. But, you've got a better chance than you think. Just take your time."

"Well, while I'm taking my time, I'm going to take you to the hospital."

He shook his head, "No, it's better now." Wes tossed the pill-bottle into Hobbie's lap. "I don't like them, but they help."

He looked at the pills and furrowed his brow. "You're actually taking painkills?"

"Better that then have to go to the med centre." Wes twisted around in the bed and lay on his back.

"You probably need just a short dip. Could heal you in no time."

"I was supposed to take those when I got out last time..." Wes closed his eyes. "Better late than never."

He sighed and shook his head. "Goodnight, Wes." He pulled the covers up over his friend until he could only see his nose. Chuckling, he thought of times long ago. "See you in the morning."

"Don't beat yourself up too much, Hobbie. If anything, I still love you. And you're a great cook too."

"Oh gee, thanks Wes. Why don't we actually make those rumours true?"

Wes pulled his blanket back a bit to look at him, "What rumours?"

"You and I are the oldest bachelors. Neither one of us has really had a date in a long time, until recently." He walked to the door. "Go to sleep, Wes."

Wes gave Hobbie a confused look, then just shook his head as he pulled the covers back up. "'Nite Hobs."

"Goodnight, Wes," Hobbie palmed the door closed between them.

*

Slowly, Doc stood, pushing herself away from the tree. "Gotta go slice that thing for Myn," she mumbled to herself.

She slowly headed back to the base. Hearing her move, Mike returned to following her. He stopped around the corner when she stopped at Wedge's quarters. He saw her pull out her datapad and jack it in, and just shook his head.

*

Dana set down her little thing, and took Gavin's other hand in hers. When he looked at her, she asked, "Is anything else the matter?"

"I've just been thinking.... About us...."

She looked around, "Should we perhaps go somewhere a little less public?"

"Yeah."

"Where?"

He let go of her hand to finish his bottle, then set it down. "I don't know, where do you suggest? I'm not too familiar with Coruscant."

"They say Coruscant has lovely sunsets.... You think we could catch one?"

Gavin smiled, "For you? Anything."

She smiled back, blushing slightly. "I wonder what time it is?"

He looked at the chrono. "It's time to catch you a sunset," he smiled to her. "Lead the way."

Dana's smile grew, and she tried not to blush. "I don't think my X can seat two...."

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