Writen
by Shelonei and Leah
There
hadn't been too huge an appetizing selection in both the cafeteria and in
Downtime, so Fen just packed up some fizzes and sandwhiches she'd tossed
together before marchin' her happy self to Hobbie's ofice for lunch. -=buzz=-
However, there was no answer, as Hobbie (from sheer
exhaustion) had fallen asleep at his desk, datafile open, probably a few
flimsies stuck to his face.
"Well,
huh, that's odd. Maybe he left for a few minutes." She shrugged and palmed
open the door so she could go inside and wait for him to get back. What
she saw warmed her face with a huge smile. "Awe...." Setting lunch down,
she moved around the desk -as she had
done so many times before in totally different situations- she leaned over
him, careful to be quiet and not disturb him, to move a few strands of
hair from his forehead. "I guess I kept you up
too
late, didn't I?"
Hobbie let out a long sigh and had half a smile in
his sleep.
She leaned down and kissed his cheek
very softly before claiming a chair on the other side of his desk to munch
on her sandwhich and watch him sleep for a little while.
Somehow sensing he was being watched, Hobbie waded
to consciousness to find himself asleep at his desk. He blinked the sleep
from his eyes as he sat, a flimsynote stuck to his forehead. "Wha?"
"Morning, sunshine."
Hobbie swiped a hand over his face, taking off the
note. He then looked rather chagrinned. "I fell asleep...."
"I can see that. I suppose I can't
keep you up that late anymore, can I?" She grinned and nibbled a bit more
on her sandwhich.
Hobbie shrugged, "I think it's a combination of that,
and the fact I didn't really sleep the other night either.
"Yeah, you need to stop doing that.
Very few people can live the insomniac's life, Hobbs. Sandwhich?" She
grinned and held out the food she'd made and wrapped in wax paper.
He smiled and reached forward to take it, "Thanks,
Fen."
"I couldn't read what was written on
the container that the lunch meat was stored in, but it tastes prety good,"
she grinned innocently, purposefuly leaving out that it was just a simple
roast nerf sandwhich with cheese.
"Once you get past the after taste
that is."
He shrugged, "I've probably eaten worse," he unwrapped
the sammich and took a bite. "Fen!"
"What?" tries to look innocent.
He chuckled, "You liar."
"What? You don't think roast nerf
has an after taste?" devilish grin with a wrinkled nose tore years from
her face for a moment.
He chuckled, "It's good food, Fen. I don't care what
you say."
"Better than womp rat I suppose," she
winked, finishing off her sandwhich and chasing it with a swig of a more
citrusy fizz.
He chuckled and nodded.
"So did you get any work done, or did
you just come here to fall asleep?"
"I got work done," He said between mouthfuls.
"How much?"
"not enough, but close to it."
"So do you think you'll have enough
done to come hang out with me tonight?"
Hobbie shrugged.
"That's not an acceptable answer, hun,"
she smiled, leaning a bit forward. "Can I help move you through this faster?"
"The best way for you to do that, would be to go...
but I don't want you to yet." funny how easy it is to be candid once you
let yourself be known.
"Well, I suppose I can accomodate that."
she leaned back in her chair, crossing one knee over the other.
He chuckled
"So, now that you have me here, and
don't have to get all nervous, what do you plan to do with me?" No innuendo,
just an honest question of curiosity.
"I dont know yet." He stood up and moved to the
front of his desk to lean back against it. "Maybe I'll just look at you."
"Oh, well in the case," she sat in
a more comfortable position as she fluffed her hair and bit and licked her
lips. "Better?"
"You're evil."
He smiled, "But the good kind."
"That reminds me. Hobbie," her smile
faded from her face a bit, as she prepped herself for asking this next question.
"Do you think we can not tell Wes about us just yet?"
"Keep it a secret? If you want to, of course," he
got suddenly serious.
"Just for a little while. I think if
he were to find out right away, he wouldn't take it all that well." She
was more worried about Hobbie and Wes' friendship than any reputation she
could/would get as the Rogue Whore.
He nodded, "Alright then." He wondered if he should
tell her how wes told hiim to marry her... but who knows.
Best
that he doesn't tell her that. It'll only drive her further away from both
Wes and Hobbie. "Thank you. Now, can I get a hug before I leave you to
your work?"
He would have asked her to marry him anyhow.... when
it became obvious what was happening. "Of course, Fen."
Pushing up from her seat, she reached
her arms out for him, feeling for a moment, that she was potentially ruining
Hobbie's life as well. That yeah, he may care about her, but was doing
the honorable thing that Wes didn't have the
balls to do. That idea, the bare slip
of it, stung.
Nerfsith, he'd liked her since before Wes even took
her out. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly, gently.
She
returned the hug affectionately, really only a bit more than a friend would,
but give her time. She's gotta get used to dating Hobbie and all.
He pulled back and pecked a kiss to her forehead.
"Alright, then."
"You'll com me later if you want to
see me?" She smiled softly, her hands linking together at the small of
his back.
"I'll comm you if I *can* see you," he corrected.
"I suppose that's as good as I'm going
to get?"
"Probably."
"Well, then I'll just have to comm
you when I'm done, won't I?" Yeah, she knew that his work would never really
be done, that he'd always have an excuse or two to stay late at his work,
so her challenge was to find the ways to con
him into leaving.
"Fair enough, Fen. Have a good day, okay?"
She let go of him and caressed his
face, her smile seeming a bit on the sad side. "You too, ok?"
"I'll try."
He half smiled for her benefit.
part of him didn't feel it.... For some reason, he
had a bad feeling about all that had been happening.
It was as though his past was rushing to catch up
to him.
She did too. "I'll see you later then,"
she said softly before placing a gentle kiss to his lips. PIcking up the
remains of lunch, she smiled again before leaving to go back to her own
duties.
With a sigh, Hobbie moved back around to sit at his
desk.. and try to get that stang paperwork finished.
And Fen left to go about her mechanicing
while thinking about the intelligence of last night's decision.
He was, as well, thinking about that.... though in
a different way. Don't
you dare die, Fen... it would surely kill me.
Her thoughts were more akin to Don't you dare hurt him, Fen. He's
too precious.
He shoved the thoughts out of his
mind, then, and drowned himself in work. Work meant he didn't have to feel.
Work, for her, was time to think logically,
to remove all emotion and personal baggage from the equation and study it's
bare bones. And in this case, no matter how she tweaked the numbers, the
sum of it was that Hobbie was going to
get burned and she was the acetaline
torch.
He was so drowned in his work, he didn't even know
it was closing in on midnight.
Yeah, by midnight, she was back in
her quarters, starting up the process of sorting through files again.
Hobbie noted his comm beeping, and pulled it up.
There was a message from Wes. Curiously he opened, it, and read it.
From the Datapad of Wes Janson
Colonel Klivian;
It is with regret that I must inform
you of my immediate resignation. I believe that at the current time,
my position in Rogue Squadron is one that brings more tension then needed
in a fully functioning group.
As per the agreement with the new Republic
Military Forces, I resign both my rank and commission freely without any
coercion or outside influences. My quarters have also been stripped
clean for immediate occupancy by my replacement.
It has been a pleasure serving under
you. May the Force be with you, always.
Wesley Janson
"HOLY SITH!" Hobbie blinked in surprise.
HErs
started beeping soon after she'd completed cleaning out her datafiles.
From the datapad of Wes Janson
Fenig,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything
I have done to you, and while I wish I could take it all back, I cannot.
Therefore, by the time you get this, I will have removed myself from your
life here on Coruscant as so I cannot be a constant reminder of what pain
I have caused you.
I cannot be a father. I do not
know how. I realize now that there is a lot in my life I have yet to
come to terms with. With Doc being gone a year, I have not had anyone
to talk to, and recently I have felt that I need to talk again. But
I cannot talk here. I cannot be taken seriously on this world, or any
other where the reputation of my antics preceeds the real person.
I will not leave you, however, without
support. You should receive in one week time an envelope from the Bank
of Coruscant codes to an account. In there I will have placed money
for you to use to care for yourself and our child. I will also deposit
500 credits a month in there for you. If you ever require more, leave
a note with my sister Siee and I will see that you get it.
I wish I could have loved you, Feni.
But I cannot love another until I learn to love myself and mean it.
Good-bye.
Sincerely,
Wesley Janson.
PS - Please, every now and then, kiss my child from it's father and never
let it forget that I love it. The child does not need to know that
I'm emotionless.
The note from Wes brought water
to her eyes that quickly spilled over her lashes to run unchecked down
her face. "You never ruined my life, Wes.... I
ruined
yours," she sighed to herself.
Quickly he pulled out his personal comm and dialed
to the hangar bay. After a few ascerbic orders, he got someone who knew
something. Wes had left, with his X-wing, nearly two hours earlier.
She didn't reall yknow what to do.....
she assumed that he'd be too far away for her to comm him, so she commed
Hobbie instead.
"Damnit Wes...." Hobbie shook his head. Then he pulled
up the comm. "Klivian..." he said blandly.
C> "Hobbie..." Her voice was entirely
too quiet, a bit shaky, and all too obvious of her tears.
C> "You know...."
He stood, and darted out the door, "I'll be right
over."
When he got there, he wouldn't be
happy to find the door unlocked and Fenig curled up on the couch, staring
at the note on the caftable.
He wasn't. However, he was too concerned about her
to say anything at this moment in time. He came straight in, and moved
to sit beside her. "Fen...?"
Her
eyelids fluttering a bit, pushing more tears from her eyes, was her only
reaction.
He put a hand on her shoulder. "Fen... talk to me...."
He himself was hurting greatly at what had happened, but he could put
himself aside as he had so many times.
It was easier for him to *not* feel. Than to allow
himself to feel.
"He's gone..." This was hardly fair
to Hobbie. Poor guy.
"I know," he answered quietly. "I just got a letter
of resignation...."
"It's all my fault, Hobbie. If I hadn't..."
she shook her head and leaned against him.
He put an arm around her. "No, It's mine."
"How could it be yours? I'm the one
who chased him for a year, got knocked up, and ruined his entire life."
"He wouldn't have left if I hadn't have yelled at
him, though." He shook his head. "He left because he thought he was bringing
too much tension."
"Yeah, but if I hadn't come along,
that tension wouldn't even exist."
"No."
He reached out and tipped her chin up to look at him.
"It's his own fault for being an idiot."
"I wish this hand't happened though, You shouldn't
have to cry."
"But it's probably even more MY fault."
She wiped at her face, sniffling a
bit before he lifted her face, showing off for the second night red puffy
eyes. "PRove it."
He sighed, "And I'm so very sorry.
"
"Prove you shouldn't have to cry?" he asked.
"That it was anyone elses fault than
my own."
"That's easy. It's my fault for encouraging this.
It's his fault for being a kriffing player."
"Even if he is my best friend."
It's mine for pushing him into a life
he didn't want
"And before you think it's your fault
for getting pregnant - it's his fault for not using any protection."
Sheesh, how many times has he thrown one at me as
I left for a date?
"I
should have said something. I could have asked him to...."
"Shhh.... Coulda woulda, shoulda.... but didn't.
Don't beat yourself up for this, Fen."
Scooting
closer, she moved her legs over Hobbie's lap, burying her face against
his neck. "I'm so sorry, Hobbie."
He hugged her and ran a hand up and down her back
comfourtingly. "It's not your fault, Fen."
She wasn't going to argue with him
any more, she knew better. She'd never win and he'd never be right. Her
arms wrapped around him tightly, a soft sigh emptying her lungs. The initial
shock gone, her tears drying up, she was fast
moving into the numb phase, and that
bothered her. "Hobbie?"
"Yes?"
"Stay with me tonight? I don't want
to be alone."
"I will." He told her gently.
he kept rubbing her back.
"Thank you," she opened her eyes, moist
lashes brushing against his neck. It was going to be a long night.
He let out a long sigh and closed his eyes.
After long moments of silence, slow,
deep breaths, and a few sighs, Fenig broke the silence. "Hobbie, I'm really
sorry for hurting you."
"You didn't hurt me." He pulled back and looked down
at her.
"Not yet I haven't. But I will. It's
inevitable."
"The only way you'll ever hurt me, is by getting yourself
killed. And *I* won't let that happen," he promised her fervenly.
*fervently
She shook her head. "I will. I will
because I don't love you like you do me. That's not fair to you. You deserve
so much better than what I can give you. Raising a child that isn't yours
isn't a life you deserve, Hobbs."
Realisation dawned. "You think I love you because
I think it's my duty to?"
"Well, I did until now."
"I'm sorry you thought that," he told her quietly.
"And I never asked you to love me... I only ask that you let me love YOU."
He shook his head ruefully, "I know I'm not worth
a woman's love."
Her jaw dropped with the utter shock
from that belief. "You can't seriously believe that, Hobbie. You are so
much better than so many of th epetty women out there, myself included.
You deserve more than I could ever give you.
He shook his head stubbornly, his eyes telling her
that he was utterly honest.
Gods, Hobbie, I can't believe you seriously
believe that." She leaned back from him in frustration, shaking her head
as she took a long moment to really study his face. Finally, all she could
do in reply was hold his face in her
hands and bring their lips together
in a kiss to rival last nights.
The kiss surprised him, but not enough for him to
pull away. He wanted to anything BUT pull away. He brought a hand up
to cup her cheek, a thumb brushing the soft skin beneath her eye as he
did so. The kis was.... electric.
She scooted closer, careful not to
break their kiss, and in doing so ended up on his lap, her fingers sliding
from his cheeks through his hair. There were two places this kiss could
go from here. 1) Stop 2)More passion. Option
number 2 looked better than one to
the woman who had just professed not to be good enough for this man, to
not love him like he loved her.
However, when need for air broke them apart, he looked
at her. His clear blue eyes had goone dark and smoky with passion, and
he was clearly fighting himself. "Fen...." He shook his head. "I-"
The more rational part of her mind
had sort of put itself on pause under the rationalization that they both
needed the contact. "Shh... " She bit her bottom lip lightly, staring
deep into his eyes as she placed soft little kisses
to the corners of his lips.
The look in his eyes was plaintive. He knew he should
stop this. It wasn't right, he would be taking advantage of her to keep
kissing her to... He shook his head slighty and moved from beneath her,
"-can't."
She had to stop herself from looking
down between them. "You're sure?" Because she certainly wasn't.
He closed his eyes to avoid looking at her. The look
of one making the most difficult of decisions crossed his face. "It wouldn't
be right...." he said with great difficult.
"No strings?" she offered, though knew
he'd still decline. That was a big part of the reason she adored him so
much.
He shook his head, "It wouldn't be right," he said.
"Not yet..." he finished beneath a whisper.
I love you too much....
"Alright," she acquiesced. Yeah, she
was disappointed, wanting something to feel besides numb, but she'd have
to be satisfied with feeling his arms holding her so close.
And he did hold her close, throughout the night,
falling asleep with her in his arms.
