When You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act
When You kiss you girlfriend's home page.
When Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
When Your eyeglasses have a web site burned into them.
When You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
When You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
When You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
When You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap....and your kid in the overhead compartment.
When All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3...
When your night dreams are in HTML.
When You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.
When You turn your modem off and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug of your loved one.
When You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
When You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au"
When Your heart races faster and beats irredgularly each time you see a new WWW site address printed on the TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
When You step out of the room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have any idea when it happened.
When You turn on the intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if e-mail arrives.
When You wife drapes a blond wig over the monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
When All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When Looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted purple.
When Your dog has its own webpage.
When You've visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos. or [C]ontinue?
When You can't call your mother because she doesn't have a modem.
When You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
When You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated by a 17" svga monitor.
When You check your mail. It says "no new Messages." So you check it again.
When You refer to your age as 3.x.
When You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore
When Your phonebill comes to the door in a box.
When Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC Channel.
When You code your homework in HTML and give your intsructor the URL.
When You don't know what sex is over three of your closeset friends are, because they have nuetral nick names and you never bothered to ask.
When You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom
When You laugh at people with 2400 baud modems.
When Your husband tells you he's had the beard for two months
When You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games form Apogee.t, or [C]ontinue.
When You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.
When You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back.
When You move into a new house and decide to netscape before you landscape.
When You tell the cab driver you live at Http://123.elm.street/hose/bluetrim/html
When Your virtual girlfriend finds a new sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.
When You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
When Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.
When You buy a Captain Kirk Chair with a built in keyboard and mouse.
When Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer can not come to bed"
When You are so familiar with the WWW that you find search engines useless.
When You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 4.5 or higher."
When You never have to deal with the busy signal when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
When The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
When You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while youre pretending to catch your breath.
When You ask a plumber how much it would cost you to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
When You forget what year it is.
When You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
When You ask a doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
When You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind ... the perfect soundtrack to "surfing the net"
When You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited"
When You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
When Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
When As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
if your service provider calls *you* for tech support.
if someone at work tells you a joke, and you say "LOL!"
if you have ever had a dream about the people in your channels.
if you have to scroll through your popup menu.
if your friend tells you something sad on the phone and you say "Awwww, me hugs $$1..."
if you've called out someone else's nick while making love to your girlfriend.
if you are waiting your wife to accept your chat request, but she seems to have her ignore on.
if you are bored between 5 moving channels.
if you would like to join more than 10 channels but you get a raw echo from IRC server telling: "You have joined too many channels."
if you keep begging your friends to get an internet account so "we can hang out."
if you want to meet a girl and your first impulse is to turn on your computer and connect to server.
if you once devoted a weekend to "working on your popups."
if you sometimes go to #egypt "just to get away from it all."
if you come home from class, look at your roommates, and say "rya."
if you wait for your roommates to say "re."
if the words "takeover," "nick collide," and "flood" make your heart beat faster and your hands a little shaky.
if sometimes you type commands from the unix prompt you mistakenly begin them with a "/"
if you log on to 30min ISP connection just to get off from IRC forced, because you can't leave from free will anymore.
if you keep on searching WINSCK.OCX from the internet for days, just to be able to run the WaR Utils.
if your motto is "AOL Sux."
if you've ever gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face to face.
if you make it a point to change your ping reply and quit message daily.
if your child ignores your request, and you wonder: "he must be lagged."
if you send internet Christmas cards. *wink*
if you've ever felt the urge to type "*wink*"
if you have ever wondered if there is a #irc-anon.
if you have an IRC related web page.
if you've ever went to one of those form-submit web page 'chats' just to say "You losers don't even know what IRC is, do you? Huh!? DO YOU!?"
if you join #hispanola "just to work on your Spanish."
if, when someone on the channel asks if anyone knows some good servers, everyone else types your nick.
if you join busy channels just to talk to yourself because the scrolling makes you feel better about it somehow.
if you've ever typed "drinking on IRC is better than drinking alone."
if you feel like you want to strangle the inventor of the "script.ini virus."
if you forget to eat because you have to guard your channels from being takeovered.
if you receive a message in IRC from an old pal of yours and you say: "Sup m8 ! Long tyme noC."
if your wife goes into labor and you stop to type a "special" away message.
if you have a vanity car tag with your nick on it.
if you've been lagged and ICMP'ed so bad that you've switched servers so much, that you can see your nick on the channel list three times.
if you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences.
if your user modes are +iws +s because you don't feel right without it.
if you don't know your girlfriend's first name.
if your real life girlfriend gets on IRC because it's the only way to reach you.
if you know which servers are major hubs in *.tw
if you use words like "lame", "leet", "haxor" and "fuxor" in real life.
if you find yourself wishing that bitch there were on IRC so you could flood her.
if you read operlists or admininfo.
if you tell your real life friends you have plans already on Saturday night when you don't.
if you feel the need to talk in all caps to certain people in real life.
if your aliases.ini is over 29kb.
if your desk is the only part of your room that you ever use (screw the bed).
if you have ever put a smiley in a paper for work.
if the Jehovah's Witnesses knock on the door and all you can think of doing is flooding them with Power Combo's.
if you get a call from a telemarketer and you put the phone down and set their mode to -v.
if you call your friend and you /invite $$1 to #Watch_TV.
if you offer the babysitter OPs when you go out for the night.
if you refer to rush hour traffic as lagged.
if, to avoid traffic, you tell your passenger to quit for a second and switch servers.
if the word "I" is replaced in your vocabulary with /me.
if you raise your hand in class and say "BRB."
if you have more than three private message windows going simultaneously.
if you don't subscribe to a certain ISP because they don't offer unlimited time.
if, instead of taking a disk home from work, you set up your BOT to serve it to you later that night.
if you no longer have to stop and explain to your friends what "RE ALL" means.
if you begin to say hehehe or LOL instead of laughing.
if you don't sleep at night because you stay up too late thinking of a title to your new script.
if your most important files on your hard drive are in your mIRC directory.
if you wonder that: "Where could I edit the popups of my Windows95?"
if you spend all day submitting your script to script archives.
if you have more than 5 mIRC scripts installed in your computer.
if you are waiting all day in IRC for your IRC girlfriend to log on.
if you know, and use regularly, more than 10 different ways to smile in AscII text.
if you cry when you see more than 3 quit messages with two servers listed as the reason.
if, when someone says "what did you say?", you reply "scroll up!"
if you sneak to the computer in the middle of the night to get in more IRC time.
if, when someone complains about your phone being busy, you say it was off the hook.
if you change nicks so much that you have to type /me to see who you are.
if you would rather tell people your bloodshot eyes are from too much partying instead of the truth.
if you put on special mood music while talking to certain people in private chats.
if your friends on IRC were above your real life friends on your Christmas card list.
if you find yourself involved in channel politics on IRC.
if you ever turned down real hugs for {{{hugs}}} from IRC friends.
if you have actually kept up with ten conversations at one time.
if you postpone your graduation so you can keep your free .edu account.
if you have ever written a pen and paper letter and found it impossible to do without the smileys.
if you don't even bother answering the phone anymore.
if you're out of cash and your modem breaks down, you go to the streets to sell your clothes to get a new modem.
if you're willing to risk a divorce because your wife doesn't like the time you spend on the computer.
if you are angry to mIRC's author about the 30kb limit in the popups.
if you are satisfied when you list someone as ENEMY or a FRIEND.
if you go to #CyberSex when you are horny.