The title, if you don't know, is from RENT, Mimi's rebuttal to Roger assertion that she wouldn't want to start relationship because he has "baggage." It got me thinking about some of my own "baggage." I've previously written a tongue-in-cheek assessment of why I'm still single, but I've since been inspired to draft a "disclaimer" that anyone should really read before dating me. Ironically I started drafting this way before meeting Matt. But I thought it might be somewhat appropriate to post it now:
Now that we've gotten my deal-breakers out of the way, there are some things you should probably know about me before either of us gets our hopes up. It's all gonna come out eventually, right?
Various circumstances have prevented me from graduating college yet, and I currently don't have a "real" job. Right now it's just a part-time gig answering phones for an insurance company. For what it's worth, I'm looking for another job, and possibly going back to school for journalism and/or environmental studies. There's also the pipe dream of becoming a freelance writer and/or photographer. Yeah, not quite sure where my niche is just yet; call it a quarter-life crisis, if you will. Since I'm not financially independent yet, I still live with my father. If you want to stick around long enough and ask why Mom is not in the picture, it's because she died when I was sixteen. So don't be surprised if I get all mopey on August 1st. And the month of October. And the entire holiday season. May and June aren't very good months, either. January through April isn't so bad, unless you count the occasional "Mommy Day" that pops up out of nowhere. Suffice it to say it's not something I'm exactly 'over' yet. Probably never will be.
Chronologically I'm twenty-three years old, but am not at all like most gals my age. I don't do fancy hairstyles or designer clothes/shoes or manicures; hell, I rarely even do makeup. My favorite hangouts are the library or the woods, and I'd rather go camping than clubbing. I rarely drink more than two or three times a year and have never been high or drunk. Compared to most of my peers, I'm also a bit of a prude. If you want much beyond 'first base," you'll need to be patient, and by patient I don't mean waiting until the fourth or fifth date for sex. While I'm liberal enough to think that saving oneself for marriage is a bit dated, I'm still old fashioned enough to believe in saving oneself for love. Love, and a great deal of trust, and having some semblance of a future together. How long will that take? I've only had one serious relationship, and even then we never had intercourse; it hasn't happened yet with anyone. Well, nothing consensual, anyway. No big deal, I was four years old at the time, and for what it's worth, there was genital contact but no penetration. Did I mention that's the other reason for my prudishness? Just thought I'd throw that out there.
I'm not sure how valid Western astrology is, but in many ways I'm the stereotypical Cancerian: nurturing and sympathetic, yes, but potentially very moody, stubborn, emotional, generally introverted, and occasionally unsocial. And I'm also a little crazy. Seriously, I spent time in a psych ward five years ago. Nothing big, just the odd suicidal gesture, major depression, anorexia.... you know, the usual crap. I've been diagnosed at other times with generalized anxiety and A.D.D., too. Used to cut myself in high school, but that's something a lot of kids go through, right? Yeah, I should probably go back to therapy, but so far that hasn't happened. I still have a few issues with trust and eating, and struggle with mild to moderate SAD in the winter months. On the plus side, I'm no longer actively suicidal, haven't cut since 1999, no longer have daily panic attacks, have far less frequent nightmares than in years past, and I've maintained a healthy weight for three years now. So there has been some progress made.
If you can get past all that, I'm sure the small stuff -- like the fact I'm a shameless dirt-loving tree-hugger, nerd, and pack rat, or that i read VegNews instead of Vanity Fair, and believe in weird stuff like interspecies communication and the collective unconscious -- will be relatively easy to swallow. Maybe you'll even find these idiosyncrasies endearing. And I do have other positive traits. People tell me that I'm fairly cute. I'm an excellent cook, especially if you like vegetable stir fries and chocolate chip cookies. If you like a partner who can spend hours discussing anything from animal rights to Zen philosophy (with the exception of anything mathematic), I'm your woman.
And hey, at least I'm being upfront about my neuroses, right?
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Not that I'd actually print this out and hand it to a guy I was dating/wanted to date; granted the truth does come out eventually (at least some of it), but all at once??? Ha. Although it'd be interesting to see what the reaction would be.
