It can be a very isolating experience when your dietary habits differ vastly from the majority or so-called "normal." Yes, I'm a "vegetarian," which is definitely not within the social norm. It's exacerbated by the fact that i'm one of those health nuts, borderline orthorexic, and still deal with ED thoughts such as which foods are "safe" or not. Even when i still ate meat and had a somewhat healthier attitude toward food, though, i've always been a picky eater.
Whenever the team has meals together, everyone wants to know what I am going to eat, and there are always jokes or comments to be made. (I'm not convinced it's all in fun, either.) This year there is another "vegetarian" on the team, but she eats things that i do not, including gelatin, and sometimes even fish. She and i have different arbitrary lines, and i'm okay with that. What i'm not okay with is that it prompts other people to say, "Well, Heather eats [whatever], why don't you?"
For example, our last team dinner, I add a small slice of veggie lasagna to my plate, pushing thoughts of rennet out of my head because it's this or green salad again. Not one, not two, but three team mates have something to say about this. "Wow, you're actually eating something!" "Oh my gosh, you're eating real food!" "So you don't just live on broccoli!" One girl's comment that "vegetables aren't food, they're what food eats," implying that the only real food is chicken, cow, pig, et cetera. About a week later, a bunch of team mates play twenty questions about my eating habits. It starts off making fun of my being a "vegetable-tarian," but quickly turns into a criticism of a different sort. Do you eat this? You're kidding me! What about this? Not even this? That's not normal! I get defensive and ask what's so fascinating about my dietary habits. Megan quips, because you don't eat anything. I turn to Lisa and ask for backup; she knew me back when the ED was really bad. All she says is, "You're better, but you're still not entirely healthy." It was like Manda's comment about living on broccoli. Exasperated, i asked, "Do i look like someone who subsists on broccoli?" Her answer: "Well, actually, yeah."
Whatever... scales are for fish and body image sucks.
It's equally vexing when people say that vegetarianism, veganism in particular, is just a socially acceptable way of having an eating disorder. I am a lot healthier as a "vegetarian" eating tofu and eggs than when i was truly anorexic and could make a "banquet" out of a half cup of sugar free Jello (only 10 calories, after all) or a minute sliver of fat-free turkey breast. I actually gained back a lot of the weight i lost after becoming vegetarian. It wasn't the change in diet, per se, but a decision to not just eat "healthy" but to eat more, as in, eat enough to sustain a marginally healthy body weight. Even now if you offered me deep-fried tempeh or a broiled chicken breast, i'd take the tempeh in a heartbeat.
But in part due to all thse jokes and remarks, it's getting to be a real struggle again. The more people comment on what i eat or don't eat, the more anxious i become about food, period. Some days i flat out want to say, "Leave me alone, at least i'm eating!"
My friend Cal once said that people with eating disorders or dietary "restrictions" (diabetic, food allergy, et cetera) should be considered legally disabled because so much of life revolves around food. Really, it's true, and it goes way beyond the realm of food being something which sustains life and nothing more. You go out on a date, usually involves going out to eat. Business deal, talk it out over lunch. No party is complete without at least serving snacks. Most holidays, of course, revolve somehow around food (even the fasting month of Ramadan ends with a big feast). And unfortunately for veg*ns, all traditional meals in Western countries revolve around meat.
There's this book by Leon Rappoport called How We Eat, that deals with psychological and psychosocial aspects of food and eating. Eating disorders are so difficult to understand because rejecting food is somehow rejecting the person who is serving the food to you (whether they made it themself or bought the McDonalds drive through for you). And it goes into cultural identity and food. You think of the stereotypical American foods and think hamburgers, hotdogs, et cetera, not tofu and seitan. There's a joke that the hardest part about being veg*n is you spend more time defending your diet than eating it. I personally think eating animal flesh is gross, but that's my own opinion. And i think meat is gross, not the people who eat it.
We all draw our own arbitrary lines on what we will and will not eat, and the why's and wherefore's are a mattre of personal choice. Why can't people allow us the same freedom of choice without judgment?
