I’ve come to the conclusion that I am weird. Well maybe not weird, per say, but different from most of the people my age. That’s because I’m straight edge. I’ve made the decision that I don’t want to be part of the smoking/drinking/drug culture that I am forced to live in, and while I feel good about this choice that I’ve made, it’s very hard not to get drawn into this culture of harmful behavior.
Before I started high school, I pretty much thought most people my age (then 14) didn't take part in the drinking and smoking and drug taking that older kids did. I mean I knew that some people my age did smoke, and even I at that time would drink at New Year's eve, but only one or two glasses of champagne. But once I got into school, I was outcasted for a few reasons, one of which was that about 97 percent of the people at my school were far from straight edge, and I wasn’t. I couldn’t believe how many people were throwing away their lives by doing all that stuff, especially because I went to an arts high school, and I saw these people who were dreaming of being singers, dancers, actors throwing away their lung capacities with chain smoking!
People started talking about the drunken parties they were at over the weekend and how they were gonna go and get wasted after school, and although I found this sickening, I couldn’t help but feel somewhat left out. Which is part of the reason that I would later do something really stupid. I started hanging out with this guy who at the time I thought I was in love with, and he happened to be a smoker, who also did drugs and drank. So last summer my bestfriend and I decided we’d try smoking together for a few reasons: 1. It looked really cool and 2.All our friends did it. Now that I think about our reasoning, it’s horribly superficial, and I can’t help wondering if that’s the reason that most kids start smoking? If it is, then there is definitely something horribly fucked up with our world!
Needless to say, I found out smoking made me really sick. The first couple times didn’t, and I felt really mature and “Cool” when I was doing it, but about the third time it made me feel like I was going to puke. Not to mention it caused me to have an asthma attack (but luckily not a very bad one) and I never smoked again. Once I stopped hanging around with the guy whom I thought I was in love with, I realized that my desire to smoke was completely gone. Unfortunately the same couldn’t be said about my friend.
Now I’d be lying if I said that I hadn't been tempted at some time to wonder what doing drugs or getting drunk might be like during some points in my life. I mean when you’re surrounded with people at your school, and your friends who all do those things and talk about how much fun it is, you can’t help but wonder if maybe straightedge isn’t the way to go. But you’ve gotta remember that you can have fun without added substances? And remind yourself that any of those things could kill you! And why people want to spend their free time doing things that could possibly end their life is just beyond me! I mean why not put a gun to your head with only one bullet in it and try shooting yourself until you actually get the shot with the bullet. That’d probably give you some sort of rush as well.
I just wish there were a better way to get this message across then those stupid anti-drug commercials they have on TV. Because those are pointless and corny and nobody’s going to quit doing anything because of one of those commercials. But I guess for now all I can do is hope that those people I saw wasting their lives away at school and other places, will one day realize that their drugs and alcohol and cigarettes aren't getting them anywhere.
