Author Unknown
1. Choose your favorite Dickens novel and act it out with sock puppets.
2. Insist you only be referred to as "Lord of the Dance"
3. Leave a treasure map for a tip.
4. Slide a small brown package marked "bomb" underneath the closest occupied table.
5. Put on a magic show. Volunteers from the audience are optional.
6. If you find the food service to be slow, attempt to retrieve your meal yourself. When
caught, just hold up a roll of Mentos and smile.
7. Set your napkin on fire.
8. Tell the other diners you are filming the restaurant's next commercial. Taking bribes from
other customers could prove to be a lucrative venture.
9. Repeat everything your server says and add the word "this"
10. Ask your waiter if they would like to join your cult.
11. Inform the manager that you are the health inspector, and if he doesn't give you fifty
bucks the place is getting shut down.
12. Start a sing-a-long (row row row your boat).
13. Frolic around someone else's table.
14. Include an imaginary friend at your table.
15. Go to an all you can eat place and camp out. Explain that the sign doesn't say "all you
can eat...NOW"
16. After noticing someone's name tag, shout out their name, when they say what say "that's
what!"
17. In your best Cartman voice yell "Beefcake, BEEFCAKE!"
18. Stage a debate over who is the best Spice Girl.
19. Go in a group of 10 or 12 and tell your servers that all of you have a birthday
today.
20. Leave the rest room with A ROLL of toilet paper trailing behind you. (duct tape may be
needed).
21. Apply post-it notes with Confusing sayings throughout the entire establishment.
22. Make sure you say loud for him to hear "Yuck!" every time your waiter walks by.
23. Build a fort at your table.
24. Bring the whole biology class down on dissection day, if the smell of formaldehyde isn't
strong enough, describe every slice in vivid detail.
25. Ask your waiter to take a sobriety test.
26. Have your waitress speak only to your talking hand and refer to it as Patsy. Make sure
you discipline him in front of all when he misbehaves.
27. Strategically place whoopee cushions throughout the room.
28. Start a game of tag.
29. Periodically play a few notes on a harmonica. Make sure no one sees.
30. "Accidentally" stab yourself with a fork and demand free food or you are suing.
31. Be a mime.
32. Accuse your server of witchcraft.
33. Leave a can of spam for a tip.
34. Wear a cape.
35. Steal anything that will fit in your pockets.
36. Two words: FOOD FIGHT!
37. Play Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" 15 times consecutively on the jukebox
(This also works with karaoke).
38. Set up an obstacle course.
39. Blow air kisses at someone you can obviously tell is on a date.
40. Hide underneath someone's table and jump out and yell, "Surprise!"
41. Bodily functions and sound effects are always good for a few chuckles.
42. Fall out of your chair...several times.
43. Go to Long John Silver's wearing an eye patch.
44. Drop a wig in your meal and complain about finding hair in your food. Ask the waiter
for another meal. (This gets old after the third time)
45. No matter how delicious it is, sniff every bite before you eat it.
46. *Quack*
47. Act as if your eating experience is really a fashion shoot.
48. Order your food at one table then move across the room. When your waitress finds
you, tell her that you were teleported by some superior being and that she should be
VERY AFRAID.
49. Claim that you should receive a second meal because you didn't really eat the food
was on your plate it; it spontaneously combusted. Use napkin ashes as evidence.
50. Masticate.
