he smell of the sea works its way into the City of New Roma. When I was little and the wind was blowing from the northeast, I used to tell myself stories, imagining I was sailing there with Jason from Colchis, or with Odysseus on adventures beyond Oceanus to the far side of the world. That night it crept into my dreams; I could hear the timbers creaking and feel the deck moving under my feet as the ship sailed on through the wine-dark sea. Someone was calling my name; then the ship went away, but I was still rocking and I could still hear my name.
Xenia was shaking me and calling me. I opened my eyes and saw her by the light of a hand-lamp, so I shut them again.
Go away, I said. Its too early. Its still dark.
Lady Anna . . . please . . . Himself wants you.
Gods belly, is he still working? No. Tell him if he wants any reckoning done Ill do it in the morning. I turned my back on her and tried to tug the covers over my head, but she pulled them back.
Please . . . he says its important.
I sighed and sat up. My father never had the patience to get out the pebbles and work things out for himself because he thought so fast that his fingers couldnt keep up, so as soon as he discovered I could reckon in my head, he started asking me. When I was little, I had done it to please him, but then his love of numbers spread to me and I started to play with them for their own sake. But now it meant that sometimes he would spoil my rest by getting me up in the middle of the night, and interfere with my own work. Usually I did not mind, as there were not many ways I could show my love for him, and this way I could help both him and Lady Mathematics. But tonight the air was cold and damp, and I was reluctant to stand shivering in the study trying to read his writing by lamplight. I pulled the covers back over me and started to slide down again.
Tell him Im too tired. Ive got a headache. Ill do it in the morning.
Its not the numbers tonight, Xenia said. Himself says theres someone he wants you to talk to.
That woke me up in earnest. I never met people from outside the household—well, almost never; it depends on whether you count my fathers students as people. Important or not, it could be interesting. I pulled my dress over my head and followed Xenia to the study.
My first thought was that he had been taken ill, for he looked ten years older than he had done at dinner. He made the effort to smile normally at me, but all it did was make me hurt inside, wondering what had happened and how I could help him, if there was anything I could do to take that corpse look from him. He was trying to clear a space on his desk by taking armfuls of books and dumping them on the floor. There was nobody else present, however, so I stood there wondering who he had wanted me to see; then someone bumped into me from behind and apologized.
It was David.
I had hated him the moment I first set eyes on him, then familiarity had bred contempt, and to that I had added all the proper feelings of a mathematician toward a mere logistician; of someone who bathes in the pure light of Numbers for their own sake toward the mechanic who applies them to the grubby everyday world.
For some peculiar reason my father seemed to have a high regard for Davids abilities, and had been spending more and more time with this savage: I not only had to tolerate his presence in the house, I was supposed to accept him as an intellectual equal. At least nowadays he dressed and smelt like a proper human being, but he still looked like a savage, tall and thin as a column with a nose like an eagles beak and hair red as a beacon. If I was supposed to reckon for him, I was going back to bed, no matter how ill my father looked.
Good, youre both here, Father said. Now we can get on without wasting any more time. I had a message this evening from someone who owed me a favour. Tomorrow morning our ever-victorious emperor will appoint someone I know to the Household. A fellow Monophysite, naturally.
Naturally. In the year since Anastasios stepped into Zenos slippers, Monophysites had been taking over from True Believers all over the place. I still didnt see why that meant I had to be dragged out of my warm bed at a ridiculous hour of the night, nor why my father should be so upset, and I said so.
Why? Because as soon as he gets the official notification tomorrow morning, the Guards will be on their way.
So it had come to that. Maybe I should have seen it coming, but somehow you never think it is going to happen to you.
I didnt think you got involved in politics, I said.
Its nothing to do with politics. Its personal. I made the mistake of doing better than him at school, and hes never forgotten nor forgiven.
David said, obviously puzzled, So you want to say your farewells?
I wish it was just that, Father said, but the point is they wont take only me in. Theyll take the entire household. Including you and Anna. Davids eyes opened wider than I had ever seen them, but his face stayed, as usual, as expressionless as an icon. My father continued, The domestics are all right; theyve all gone already. Xenia will be off too as soon as weve finished; she can go to ground in the City or try to find her way back home or whatever. That just leaves Anna to worry about. David can leave the City just as easily as he came here. But a young girl of good family on her own,
with nobody to look after her—no.
He turned back to David. You once told me that you considered yourself deeply in my debt. Was that merely rhetoric, or can I act on it?
It is not something I would say lightly, David said, his accent getting stronger.
In that case, I can offer you, as my last act to you, an opportunity to repay that debt.
In any way you ask, as far as honor allows . . . and to the best of my ability. Typical David language. I wondered if they all went on like that where he came from; none of the other students ever talked about honor.
I think your honor should allow it. Would you do for me what Aristoteles did for Hermeias?
What a peculiar request, I thought. I tried to remember what Aristoteles had done for Hermeias; the only thing I could think of was to marry Hermeias niece—
Oh. He had married Hermeias niece as the only way of providing for her when her uncle hit trouble with the authorities.
No, I said flatly. My father and David turned to look at me. Im not marrying David. Id rather die first.
I was afraid you might feel like that, my father said. If you really do, it could be arranged. He took a little bottle out of his pouch and put it on the table. There should be enough there for both of us.
David made a sudden movement by my side and said, You would be willing to go to judgement with the sin of murder on your conscience?
I shall be going with the sin of self-slaughter anyway. But I cannot have it on my conscience to let my beloved daughter go to the cellars.
Suddenly I felt, quite literally, as though I was going to be sick. Most people have said at some time, Id rather die than do such-and-such. But I really was going to have to decide which I would rather do: marry David or die.
I didnt want to marry David. I didnt want to marry anyone; and if I did, he was the last man I would want. I supposed that sooner or later I would marry, probably one of my fathers students, and it mightnt be too bad. I thought I could trust my father to find me a decent husband, a proper
civilized Roman with proper beliefs and who understood mathematics; not a beanpole of a barbarian with a stupid name who couldnt even talk proper Greek when he arrived here.
But I definitely didnt want to die. I hadnt written down half the ideas I had in mathematics. And it was quite clear that my father meant it: I was going to end the night either married or dead.
It was shattering to realize that he loved me so much that he was prepared to kill me, but I knew what would happen otherwise: marriage to David would definitely be better than being taken by the Guard. But would it be better than death?
They were both looking at me, waiting. I met my fathers eyes, and saw the pleading in them, and I realized that, if he lost me, he would have lost everything he valued.
You can keep it all for yourself, I said. I wont be needing it.
He closed his eyes in relief; he must have known how close it was. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I nearly jumped out of my skin, but my father calmly opened it. He ushered in a priest.
Is there enough room for you? he asked, indicating the half-cleared table. The priest nodded and started laying out things; any other time I would have been fascinated, as I had always wondered just what did go on behind the iconostasis in church. He started muttering to himself, and we crossed ourselves.
He stopped abruptly and asked my father in an outraged voice, How long has this barbarian been in the City?
About five years, I think, said my father, who had been muttering himself as he looked through the contents list of a book.
And he still doesnt know which hand to cross himself with?
My father stopped reading and looked up. He knows. He doesnt have a right hand.
The priest glared suspiciously at David and carried on. He started to make another fuss when we made our vows, as he wouldnt believe David could be a baptized Christian when he gave his name.
But David said in a cold voice, Ill recite the Our Father and Belief if you insist, but we really dont have much time, and the priest gave in and
finished the ceremony.
So four days before the feast of Flavianus, 1,244 years after the founding of the Old City, I found myself belonging, body if not soul, to a one-handed savage with Judas hair.
If this was what it took to help my father, I would have to endure it. I didnt want to upset him so I bit my tongue—not my lips, that would have showed—counted the tiles on the floor and extracted the square root, and managed not to cry. It could have been worse. David was unlikely to forbid me mathematics—he was more likely to ask me to reckon for his sordid little manipulations—and at least he wasnt old or fat. Life neednt be all that different, wherever we ended up, not until I had babies; and one of them might be interested in proper mathematics.
Then it was worse. As soon as the priest had finished, Father hurried him out and came back with Xenia, who was carrying a bundle in her arms.
You see to the Lady Anna, he said. David, come with me.
Xenia picked up a pair of shears and started unplaiting my hair.
What are you doing? I asked apprehensively.
Cutting your hair, she said, in the voice of someone stating the obvious. Everybody knows Himself has a daughter, so theyll be looking for a woman. The shears shrieked as they went through my hair. Youll have to travel as a boy. At least you can get away with it. I never thought to be glad you were such a skinny slip of a thing, but Himself reckons its your best chance if you do. Nobody bothers too much about domestics, and they wouldnt give a eunuch a second glance. Nobody will know you.
I felt guilt and fear closing in around me. I had not realized that I would not be travelling openly as Davids wife; it was monstrous to make me put my immortal soul at risk by dressing in male clothes and—worse—cutting my hair. She was right, though: nobody would know me—I scarcely knew myself. I looked in the mirror and saw short curls springing round my head, changing the whole shape of my face. She had made me strip to the skin and helped me dress. Mens drawers, under-shirt, hose with a belt through loops: it all seemed so complicated. Another belt over the tunic. Strong shoes that
laced up to my ankles and a mantle with a brooch in the right-hand corner for me to pull another corner of it through. My own clothes lay in a pile on the floor; the only thing I kept was the little sachet round my neck with a splinter of the True Cross sewn into it.
David came in a little later, and for a moment of panic I thought he was another stranger. Father had done nearly as good a job on him; he had apparently borrowed some of Xenias hair dye, as Davids hair was now pitch black, and for the first time that I had ever seen, he was wearing his mantle pinned properly over the right shoulder. I couldnt keep from looking at his right arm, and saw that it seemed to end in a gloved hand. When I looked closer, the glove was obviously padded.
Xenia sniffed and said, That wont fool anyone for long.
It doesnt have to, my father said. Just till they get to the ship.
What ship? David asked.
Ah. Yes. Youd never be able to keep ahead of the Post on land, but theres a ship in the harbour, bound for Achaia and Italia . . . would you believe it, some pilgrims who spent Christmas in the Holy Land. Theyre sailing at dawn. Ive arranged passages for you, and as long as you can get on board, you should be all right. Theyll be expecting you. Just remember your names are Andreas and Demetrius.
Demetrius, David said with disgust. Is that the best you could think of? Its not Christian, its not even Roman. Its just Greek.
My father dumped a couple of bags on the floor.
Clothes in this one, he announced, books in this one. He left the room and came back carrying the new silver bowl he had been given by his other students and tucked it into the clothes bag. He took me in his arms and kissed me. I know its not very practical, but its the best I can do for a wedding present. Im sorry about the way things have turned out, but if you give yourselves a chance, they may end up all right. Stranger marriages have come out well in the end.
He kissed me again and left the room. Then Xenia kissed me, and I clung to her for a few minutes before she disengaged my arms and followed my
father, leaving us alone in the study.
I wrapped around me the big cloak that Xenia had brought in and waited for David.
Pick those up and lets be on our way, he said, nodding at the bags. I stared at him. Well? Get a move on. We cant afford to miss the boat.
I looked again at the bags and back at David.
He said irritably, Will you, for the love of God, remember you are supposed to be my boy? Of course youll carry the bags. He went out, leaving me with no option; you cant argue with a retreating back. I picked up the bags, which were every bit as heavy as I expected, and staggered out after him.
The night was chilly and foggy, and I had to keep close behind David in order not to lose sight of him. I had to call out to him to wait for me, as he strode off with those long legs and no burdens and I couldnt keep up.
Where are we going? I asked, hoping he would slow down while he was talking to me.
The harbour, he said. Like your father said.
I didnt mean right now, I said crossly. Where are we going in the ship? Somewhere in Achaia?
Absolutely not. I was thinking of Italia. Odovacer has compatriots of mine serving him, and he might be able to use a military engineer.
But there are Goths in Italia! And they havent even got an emperor, I said miserably. Its all barbarians.
It certainly is not. There are hardly any more Goths in Italia than there are here in the City. Well be perfectly all right there . . . youll have to brush up your Latin, certainly.
Theres nothing wrong with my Latin!
Of course not. Its perfectly good book-Latin . . . but since they talk it all the time there, and its not exactly the same as we learned. Dont worry. Youll get used to it.
Get used to it! Im supposed to get used to talking a foreign language for the rest of my life?
You can get used to anything if you have to. Just hope that thats the worst.
We went the rest of the way in an edgy silence. We were stopped twice, but had no problems; David, it appeared, could speak Greek like a native when he felt like it. It annoyed me that he had never felt like it before. After that, nobody gave him a second glance, and they didnt even look at me at all.
We found the ship easily enough. In the summer, the harbour would have been full, but this was the only one that wasnt laid up for the winter. We boarded it as quietly as possible, so as not to disturb the crew (the
passengers, apparently, didnt matter) and went down some steep steps into the hold. It was a cargo ship that had been chartered for the purpose and we managed to find a space in a corner without treading on too many people.
We lay down and wrapped ourselves in our cloaks. It was hard under us, and smelly, and noisy with the water lapping a few inches from our heads, but I was so exhausted I fell asleep almost at once: to the rocking of the sea, just as I had woken.