PSALM III
I went looking for the Lord
but instead I found my brother
chained in a lightless lake
of fire and stone
Thrust homeward
the galloping treasures
of taunts and half-smirks
and annihilate the lot
with a single derisive snort
My God is a criminal God
who sleeps by day
and sharpens his shiv
on the cot in his cell
Merciful? Omnipresent?
Are You always there,
God?
The principal rapist
in the prison shower
Hang me like a
skinned rabbit
twisting slowly
from the rope
I don't care
There is what is
and what should never be
suffer my abomination
oh, holy worshippers
my heretical seizures
Is this shadow-play?
A rehearsal?
I've forgotten my
fucking lines again--
So, go ahead,
turn me into a
paramecium again
and see if I can
evolve... into what?
I cannot sing or fly like a bird
I cannot hunt or fuck like a lion
I am unimpressive against
a backdrop of elephants and
giraffes
So, where shall you leave me?
Here, with my words, scribbled and
unprofessional?
They are all I have, all I'll
ever have--word without end
Amen
Maybe I'll give my words to You,
my absentee Lord,
as a gift--
or maybe I'll have another purge
and burn and erase
all mention of me
in this life
No need to scare me with that pillar of salt
bullshit
Fuck it--I'll let the pyre
Warm my back
as I light a cigarette
and blow you off for good
Why do I curse at the Father Almighty?
Maybe because I never really left
my adolescence behind when it comes
to You
I pray, I honestly do
And do You listen?
A four month-old Palestinian boy
is killed by Israelis
Why?
Rwandans hide near rotting corpses,
knowing the smell will keep their
enemies away...
Do I even have to bother asking
why?
This would all be easier
if you didn't exist--
if we didn't have a notion
of perfection that you give us
daily
We may not go insane
having to live so far
from it
So, the best thing, I think,
You could do is just
Leave
Screw
Get the fuck out of my life
so that I may aspire
to humbler ambitions
to care for those of us who need it
here and now
skin on skin
blood on blood
Whatsoever weakness I may share
with another there is comfort there
and long forgotten is the noose
around my neck, now left loose
May 12, 2001
