FAMOUS PEOPLE'S REASONING FOR THE CHICKEN CROSSING THE ROAD

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Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp.  What chicken?
Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing
events to grace the annals of history.  An historic, unprecedented avian
biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly
relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.  
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the
trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop
its forward momentum.
Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted
the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of
which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.
Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.
Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which,
thank goodness, are good, dahling.
Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross.
If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost,
the chicken would be lost!
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. 
Adolf Hitler: It needed Lebensraum.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.
John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!
Martin Luther King: It had a dream.
James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
Groucho Marx: Chicken?  What's all this talk about chicken?  Why, I had an
uncle who thought he was a chicken.  My aunt almost divorced him, but we
needed the eggs.
Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.
Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?
Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest.
Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.                   
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to.  That's the (censored)
reason.
Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the
transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself
of the opportunity.
Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly.
Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a
hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?
Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.
Dylan Thomas: To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out
of life.               
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
Henny Youngman: Take this chicken ... please.
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx (revisited): It was a historical inevitability.
Hamlet: Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and arrows of
outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of oncoming
vehicles...
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a
chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but
also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such
a paragon of avian virtue?  In such a manner is the princely chicken's
dominion maintained.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment
would let it take.
Douglas Adams: 42.      
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
J.R.R. Tolkein: The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow-
white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and
scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes.  Every detail of
the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough texture of the
surface, over which countless tires had worked their relentless tread
through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the
lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of
Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding
those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the
body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name.
And then it crossed it.
Malcolm X: Because it would get across that road by any means necessary.  
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it
would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of
its own free will.
Trent Reznor: Because the world is FUCKED UP and it HATES ITSELF for
being such a PITIFUL WHINY USELESS SHIT!
T.S. Eliot (revisited again): It's not that they cross, but that they cross
like chickens.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Darth Vader: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
George Bush: To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
[_Princess Bride_ section]
 Wesley: It's terribly fashionable, I think everyone will be doing it in the
 future.
 Fezzik: Because if it did not it would be like a toad! 
 Inigo: Hello.  My name is Inigo Montoya.  You crossed my father's road.
 Prepare to die.
 Michael Stipe: The chicken went out to the one it loved across the road.