Now look Cub bums, I am going to break things down to you in terms you can understand. Since that is hard for many of you considering that you drink lots of beer, drive all the way down to Atlanta for a fucking baseball game, and walk down the street with a goat.
First off, the only reason the Sox did not make the playoffs is simple. They had a very tough schedule towards the end. The fucking Cubs had their season handed to them. As soon as they were done with the Cardinals, it was all uphill from there. They should also thank their lucky stars that Milwaukee was very lucky in the end. The Cubs are very super lucky to be where they are. They are lucky that Wood came through in game one. They are also lucky they don’t live in the south side because now they are all talking shit because of their give me playoff spot. Oh boy. Listen to me jimokes. You were lucky, Atlanta is going to prove that and you can all go back to Wrigleyville and cry like the bitches you are.
Now you can call me a crybaby if you want, but the Sox were legitimately robbed. Not only did they have a longer and tougher road to go; the man driving the bus couldn’t stay on task. Jerry Manuel, you deserved to get fired after the decisions you have made this year.
From giving the rookies their time in the field during key games when you had more experienced players to put in, to finding people whom were sick to pitch. A special message to Carol Slezak by the way. Shut the fuck up. The Sox are not a selfish team. When Mags and Frank don’t hit, that isn't a good example of being selfish. I believe that both of them were spent. I also truly believe if big Frank was playing first base, he would have been more motivated to put numbers up. Jerry Manuel was the one holding the rope and let it go many times because he wanted to try something new. This is crunch time; you don't try new things now. You wait until Spring Training or the beginning of the season dumb fuck.
Let me remind the Cub fans of a couple reasons why the Sox are the better team. First off, although they have respectable pitchers, it was Esteban Loaiza who started in the All Star game because he is truly an amazing pitcher who would out pitch Wood, Prior and Zembrano with his eyes closed. Bartolo Colon could always go the distance. (Which reminds me, how many times has Manuel pulled him out of games only to have the Sox drop them. As a matter of fact, it happened once at the garbage dump on Clark/Addison. We would of swept the bitches if it weren't for that.) Unfortunately, we had a couple itches to scratch. The Cubs had Alfonseca and Estes. We had Koch and Schoenweiss (and most of the bullpen.) Marte really started to improve. Secondly, Frank might need Prozac, but he doesn't cork to hit homeruns. And then there is the biggest reason of all; the Sox beat the Cubs 4 games out of 6 in the Windy City Series. Cub fans will say it doesn't matter because they are in the playoffs. So what? When we feel sorry for little boys and girls, we give them candy. That is what the baseball fairy did for the Cubs.
The Sox beat themselves out of the playoffs because lack of focus. I just want to ask Ken Williams, what the hell is a grinder? You say we should stop looking at the superstars and look to the grinders? WHAT????!!!!!! It is no wonder our team didn't make the playoffs. We have Kenny the sandwich guy running things.
I am cheering for the Braves for two reasons. One, Cub fans have no class and are an embarrassment to our city. They will come back with "you fans beat up players on the field." Well I will let you in on a little secret. One of those incidents happened after the guy went to Comiskey from Wrigley Field. Gee, I wonder what he did at Wrigley? Watching baseball, no. I was told that half the stadium was already gone by the time the Cubs were about to clinch. I don't give a shit that it was a doubleheader. If you are a true fan, you will stay to the end if the end result is your team clinching the division. This goes back to my theory. Wrigley Field is a social club. Two, if I see anymore goats on TV because of these stupid Cub fans that walk around with them, I am going to freak out.
And to Sox fans. To the ones who say "I feel bad Manuel got fired." Well I feel bad that you were born. And to the ones who say cheer for the Cubs in their hopes and dreams of winning the series, I say I die before I cheer for the Cubs. Where is your loyalty???!!!! Why don’t you go find a roof top on Sheffield to live on and fuck off???!!!!!
However to end this column on a high note and an effort to bring Cubs and Sox fans together, we can all agree on one thing. THE BEARS REALLY SUCK RIGHT NOW.
Still down with the silver and black,
RANGER