WELCOME TO THE FREAKSHOW...AGAIN

Hello hello hello my little stoners and welcome to the first TALES of 2002. Happy New Year to you all and the best wishes to everyone. That means you kids getting good grades while getting blown out of your mind during the weekends. That means you parents being the championship bread winners that you are that you can come home and have mad sex with each other because another dreary week has passed. That means Osamma Bin Laden as he takes his two cm penis out of that camel's mouth. He is a pure example of a cameljockey. A camel's face is always in his jockeys. He he. That means Gary Condit you son of a bitch, no no no. We didn't forget about you. You be held accountable for your actions. That means you fucks at the Elgin Moose Lodge especially.

Can you believe that an organization that is focused on helping people has a couple facist pricks out in that shithole known as downtown Elgin want to help people "on their terms." Well let me say something to the foundation of shoot the sperm on the moose wanna be frat boys out in Elgin, you can suck my ass until your tounges are brown. Yee haw!!!! You guys are old news and we are evolving to new things. The moose lodge is a great organization and I am happy I am a member, but you fucks bring shame to it. The moose lodge in Elgin shouldn't even be called a moose lodge. It should be called the loose lodge. Why? Because the person in charge over there's ass became loose when people fucked him in it. Bitch!!!! Then because he is pissed he tries to fuck me and all the kids who came to see the show. Mind you I was raising money for a well known foundation as well as food and clothes for victims of domestic violence and homeless people. What have you done in your life jerk off except play tonsil hockey with your dog at home?

However the Ranger is not crying. The Ranger is not bitching. I mean pulling the plug on a show during soundcheck is kind of shitty thing to do. But that is why Chronicfest V was born. I hope everyone can make it.

Speaking about crying, I just spent the first two days of the new year in the hospital. I guess I have been stressing myself out. Oh well. Shit happens. I have been diagnosed as having "anniexty stress disorder." So motherfuckers that piss me and the little people off, beware. 2002 is not the year to fuck with the Ranger. I have a whole shitload of tricks up my sleve that you can see on SRTV. The assault on conformity begins now. The days of free thinking will begin. No more will children have to sit in a classroom and be told what to think and how to act. No more bullshit of some two bit asshole boss coming up to you and telling you his way is the best. If you know a better way to get the job done, DO IT!!! God gave us minds so let's start using them. And as far as this war shit goes, I will not be worried about some fucking terrorists trying to kill me or any other American because Forest Gump, our president, has our backs. And don't worry when he fails, Jesse Ventura will be our new president and clean mother fucking house. And it will be me, the Stoned fucking Ranger ranking in the beginning of next year as your mother fucking governor of the state of Illinois. God bless America.

Anyways like I said happy new year and I hope to see you all at my show. And if you don't like what I written, then it's my ass you can a start licking.

Peace,
RANGER

back