*PROPS* to Dave for tossin this idea out to me! ;)
"Being bored sucks, so unbore me!" ~ Mikey
"Why don't you go outside and fuck yourself!" ~ Mikey
"If you get drunk, don't eat the great white mint!!!" ~ Chris T.
"Damned if you do, damned if you don't" ~ Brian
"Fuck YES!" ~ Dan
"Bring it on!" ~ Timmy
"PR here saying........If you are in a movie theater and it catches fire. Don't run to the exit, and don't walk to the exit either. Skip. It is faster than walking and not as chaotic as running." ~ Jai
"PR here saying........Is it just me, or when you were a kid, the best part about eating a big bowl a Cheerios in the morning was eating all the sugar that accumulated at the bottom of the bowl?" ~ Jai
"PR here saying.......Everytime a bill collector calls me and asks why I haven't paid yet, I tell him because I don't like the taste of envelopes. If they sent me a chocolate flavored envelope to lick, then I would pay my bills." ~ Jai
"Well Son of a Biscuit Eater!" ~ Stacy
"Ah, none of you are even smiling, so FORGET YOU!" ~ Professor Batsie
"Now that's Bull Sugar" ~ Professor Batsie
"Denise, I want you go to home tonight and tell your dad you worked with one SICK BITCH today!" ~ Donna (co-worker at Hell)
"Well, you Sick Bitch" ~ Nikki (my brother's g/f... of course she got the Sick Bitch from me and Donna
...)
"As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I fear no evil, for I am the meanest Son-of-a-Bitch in the valley." ~ Matt
"Well by God" ~ Josh
"You're such a wackadoo!" ~ Michael
"You're the BIZOMB!!!" ~ Michael
"Quit looking at me SCHWANN!!!" ~ Nicole (from "Billy Madison")
"Candy's dandy, Liquor's quicker, but sex won't rot your teeth." ~ Anonymous
"I'm tough as nails, I am!" ~ Jeff
"Well Hell's bells and cockleshells!" ~ Erin
"If I can't have the cherry, I'll take the box it came in." ~ Someone in a chat room
"I ain't arguing." ~ Kevin
"I have a little pride, but often my integrity overrides it." ~ Kevin
"I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken." ~ Kevin
"If you binge every night, is it still binge-ing?" ~ Kevin
"They're coming to take me away...." ~ Kevin
"Keep your spirits high, and your standards low." ~ A local radio DJ
"In order to attain one's average...one must lower their standards." ~ Dave
"I only remember what I want to." ~ Mark
"Only when llamas rule the earth will we find peace." ~ Joe
"Did I stutter...Or do you think it sounds better when you say it???" ~ Mark
"Oh just poor gasoline in my twat... Light me on fire... And call me a fuckin lamp!" ~ Dave
"DISCO BITCHIN'!!!!" ~ Joe
"YEAH CAT!!!" ~ Joe
"Remember, a bitchy sailor is a happy sailor." ~ Jim
"Get out of the gutter and come down in the sewer with me." ~ Bobby
"I'm just good like that, though ~ Mark
Ooooh check it, badass walkin ~ Denise
No, that's GREAT ass walkin ~ Mark
Wouldn't know...haven't seen your ass ~ Denise
Well, put it this way, I can't keep my own hands off it" ~ Mark
"Well... this just really eats my ass!!!" ~ Angie (co-worker at hell)
"May all your ups and downs be between the sheets." ~ Someone on Yahoo
"Quit humping the time clock..." ~ Aaron (co-worker at hell)
"Whateva trips your trigger...fingers your melon..." ~ Dave
"Walk through the Valley of the Shadows of Death...then take the first right and you'll see the sign that says...I'm totally fucked...that's where you need to go..." ~ Dave
"I am Mr. Badass Expert!" ~ Eric
"I am a pseudo good boy..." ~ Jason
"Thats me...nuttier than Chinese Chicken salad." ~ Jeff
"It's hell to be me, but someone's gotta do it." ~ Jeff
"Don't make me beat you with my bendable eraser! " ~ Dave
"I don't believe in stereotypes, I prefer to hate people on a more personal basis." ~ Anonymous
"Why don't you go play a nice game of 'Hide and Go Fuck Yourself!'" ~ Shawn
"With age comes wisdom, but with youth comes stamina and endurance." ~ Jerry
"You're as sharp as the spoon you use to carve out your pudding cup." ~ Dave
"I am Cliche Man!" ~ Lt. Steve
"It's groovy like toast!" ~ Lt. Steve
"OK ass cheesier... go ahead and make your cracker!" ~ Dave
"Didn't you know stop signs with white borders are optional?" ~ Curtis
"Well, I'll make you spit sunshine out your wee-wee hole before the night is over, even if I have to stick a flashlight up your ass to make it happen!" ~ Dave
"That means you are a mini-ruler of all things in life... Kind of like Mini-Me, but I think I will call her Nini-Me..." ~ Dave
"Time is money, money is the root of all evil, and knowledge is power... Therefore procrastination is the key to world peace." ~ Bryan
"Jeff's Food for Thought: Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't gone to bed yet." ~ Jeff
Jane's Quote of the Day: "The problem with reality is the lack of background music." ~ Jane
Jeff''s Quote of the Day: "Schizophrenia beats being alone." ~ Jeff
"... Like a virus... I only spread..." ~ Dave
"I'm not silly, you bean...I'm Lil Raver Daver ~ Dave
That's a mouthful ~ Nini
I was told it's more than a mouthful!!!" ~ Dave
"What kind of writer am I if I can't make the Page of Shame on a regular basis??? ~ Dave
Hey.. it's been quickies with you lately ~ Nini
Damn, now I really feel like a cheap whore..." ~ Dave
"Nini, the red nosed chica
Had a very shining nose
And every time she blew it
The snot goes out the holes
All of the other chicas
Used to laugh and call her names
The never liked poor Nini
Cause they'd be all jealous of her snot-ous thing
Then one foggy March-ous eve
Davey came to say
Nini, with your nose so bright
Won't you fill my kleenex box with snot tonight
Then all the other chicas
Shouted her name out their nose's
Nini, the red nosed chica
You'll go down in SICK-A-STREEEEY!!!!" ~ Dave
"A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth either..." ~ Dave
"Thought you might be able to share that little knowledge with Wes, and I am sure he could respond with, Nini, no where does it say on the side of this thing that swallowing induces vomiting either..." ~ Dave
WHY MEN ARE NOT SECRETARIES...
Husband's note on the refrigerator to his wife:
Someone from the Guyna Colleges called.
They said the Pabst beer is normal.
I didn't know you liked beer.
"Flippity flap... don't flap back" ~ Wes
"Dammit Woman!" ~ Wes
“I used to be a nice masochist, now I’m just a chauvinistic pig” ~ Wes