(8-15-99)
Hey guyz, whats new? This have been ok round belleville town. I recently joined a local death metal band named Invictus as lead guitar player, but fear not, SPiRE lives i am now recording with both bands. Later.
(7-23-99)
Hey wassup! are yall tired of looking at the same shit on my page yet?? Im gonna try and give it a little make over as soon as i have time, spruce it up a bit. Things are great with SPiRE. Ive been working with our former bass player and i was pleasantly suprised by how much he had matured as both a person and a musician. The material is great, despite the unsavory fact that i have to sing most of it at practices, oh well we'll suffer through it, hehe. We are trying to rerecord some songs, weve redone "Bleeding Stain" and "Lie Down", we our also working on a few black metal tunes, and some acoustic and instrumental things, looking forward to getting it all done.
(7-13-99)
Its been awhile now...things seem different. Not better or worse really, just kinda...i dont know. I was reborn in a way, circumstances havent changed, but other things have. Ive come to terms with some things that have been weighing on my mind. I had help, if only temporary. If i cant change my emotions naturally, i will chemically. And thus far its working, i know its only a temporary fix to things, but its better than being stuck in the kind of rut that i had been in for too long. The one things that has benefited most is my music, the past couple weeks have brought a tidal wave of ideas, i can almost feel myself changing. Ive never been more sure of my abilities in that sense, i feel things now, theyve always been there, but now i undersrtand. "the path of excess leads to the kingdom of enlightenment". And thats how i feel right now. Everything is so distorted, and it was all wrong. Ive accomplished more in the last month than i can recall doing in a long time. Anyway, im more sure of things now, they arent better, im just more sure.
(6-23-99)
...there is no point, no hope, no reason, nothing turns out the way it should. The only purpose of living, is so reality can kill everything inside of you, Im already dead, my body just doesnt know it yet, im just waiting for my flesh to die...
(6-21-99)
There is a knife in my side, and its being twisted...it hurts me. I think i dont like life...at all...to bad there is no reset button...ill have to find another solution...
Kill me...
(6-18-99)
Hey guys, how is everything...everyone has certain things they live for, i have music, and hope...hopes gone, and eventually the music will end, and ill have nothing. Well i guess it makes sense, im born with nothing ill die with nothing...nothing matters to me anymore.
(6-15-99)
Hey its me, its been a couple days..I really dont feel like writing about my problems today, its just not worth it, but i found a really good part in a book that tells how i feel, so ive built a section out of it, check it out if you want to see kind of what im feeling right now...The song is ending.
(6-12-99)
Well, i think some people just have a really mean sense of humor. Right now i think im the butt of a really mean joke, im not sure if its a joke or not, but if it is im gonna be pissed and skulls are gonna break. If its not a joke, well then i suppose ill be pretty friggin happy, but to anyone who knows me its prolly obvious im being set up for something, which isnt at all uncommon, i dont really understand the joy people get out of making me miserable. I think belleville is a very sadistic town. It seems like everyone goes out of there way to hurt me, and i really dont understand why, i mean, i try to be a good poerson, i treat people the way i would like to be treated but...I guess it makes them feel better, i dont know. Eventually ill meet someone who doesnt get some sick pleasure from watching me get abused by everyone else...yeah right, and maybe ill discover the cure for cancer.
(6-10-99)
Well i was hoping that my buzz from yesterday would carry over to today, what a foolish thing for me to think. Ive already had to deal with one thing that put me in a pissy mood...oh well, i feel a little bit better now, and raychul helped cheer me up a bit, heh, thanx Rach! Well that all for now, see ya'll latah.
(6-9-99)
hey there everyone, believe it or not, today was a pretty damn good day, i picked up my car, it aint much to look at, but it runs great. At least im finally mobile. Im gonna go see Austin Powers this weekend with my posse, heh. Im all a tingle in anticipation, :o). I added a new buddy to my "inner circle" section, check it out, shes kew, and you gotta go to her wacky page, :oP. Well, i gotta get goin, we are prolly gonna go to nicks and do some more recording. The songs are coming along really well, Ive been working on alot of arrangements and such, once we all put our heads together, everything will be alright. Anyway, im gonna get goin, see ya'll later.
(6-8-99)
Hello, yes i am still alive, unfortunately...Lets see here, where to begin, i do have a bit of good news i suppose, i got a car, nuthin special, its a station wagon, but at least it runs. Other than that things have been normal, which is to say bad. I really cant imagine the tremendous amount of flack ive been getting latley, from many different sources, esp my family...God, i dislike them with a passion sometimes. Oh well, if i can live with them without going mad, i guess i can deal with nearly anything, hehe, which is to say im not crazy yet, despite popular opinion. All i can say is i can wait to get out of this hole, once im gone i will never set foot in this fucking shit towne again. I wont even stop along the highway to take a piss, ill hold it till im out of city limits. And i will do my best to forget everything that has ever happened here, i dont want a single goddamn memory of this pisswater burg. If for no other reason that is reason enough to want to focus everything i can on music, that and proving to everyone who thinks that you cant make a living doing something you love, you know who you are. I want to rub there noses in there own bile...i dont know maybe im being a little extreme, i wont need to do anything, theyll be stuck in there 9-5 joe job, doing something completely unimportant and unmeaningful, for next to no money. Theyll end up 45 years old, over weight, divorced, having done nothing with there life at all, and theyll finally end it all themselves by tossing there own lard infested, bloated, alcohol saturated carcasses off a rooftop...I dont know about you, but i sure feel better, hehe, :). I guess that is a cold thing to say, but i am mearly a reflection of the type of attitude that i have encountered. Im not delusional enough to think i actually have any real influence on anybody, im nothing more than a novelty friend to people, so they can have someone to look down on. But when i get signed, im sure all the leeches will come out of the woodwork, all my old "friends" will want a piece. Boy do they have a shock coming.
(5-31-99)
Hello everyone,im gonna go back to commentary mode a bit today. If you let somebody walk all over you, they will expect to be able to do it forever. Once you let them know that you will just keep forgiving things, they will keep on doing stupid shit, just because they know they will get away with it. Its time to stop giving second chances. The thing that makes this so hard, is deep down we all want to be liked by everyone, ive been getting better lately though. Ive been examining alot of things in my life, and ive been trying to get rid of the garbage. I think its time to stop forgiving...i dont know, i know that we all make mistakes, but its so hard to be sure that someone wont make the same mistake again, and i think sometimes it would just be easier to give up. Some people thrive on that stuff, they like to see what they can get away with, they like to push the envolope, and if you let them theyll use you up. And the sad thing is, once they use you up and move on, youll always remeber how much they hurt you, and it will be harder to trust others. Some people dont know how much damage they can cause on another. More than once in my life ive made snap judgements on people and decided that i thought they were kewl, and i would enjoy being friends with them, and i didnt really know them to begin with. The problem is, when you make up your mind that you like someone before you know them, it makes it harder for you to accept there faults and realize they are shit. So i guess my words of wisdom for today is, Dont decide you like someone before you get to know them. Seems simple i guess, but its and easy trap to fall into, and who klnows, i might make that mistake again, you just never know...
P.S. i just added the guestbook, so sign it, leave your mark on me.
5-21-99
Hey hey, im back, i actually updated this time, i got a new addition to the Encryptions section, and i also got some news. The limited edition CD "SPiRE:The devolution process" is now available, all copies will be signed by the members, it consists of our original demos, and some new crap, there will be 2-3 volumes, and more are on the way, for info on purchasing a copy just email me, later guyz.
Window to my soul...
SPiRE:my band
Journey into maddness...
Music, my only lover
Scenes of insanity
The visions never cease...
My inner circle
Encryptions
