The Tree

(The following story is true. It happened to me a few years ago. I was lying in bed the other night and I thought about it again for the first time in a long time. I'm actually not religious at all, although this story may make it seem so. I invite anyone to email me with their comments about this occurence.)

It was May of 1991. This was a time when I was in an emotional pit. In April, the 8th to be exact, my girlfriend, Paula, dumped my ass. We had only been dating for 8 months, but I took it very hard, as I did a lot of things back then. Although I'd had a 5 and a half year relationship prior to this, I was in love for the first time. Everybody has at least one of these events in their life, this was my first. So I took to drinking vodka on the back porch of my mother's house every night of the week. I would grab a bottle of Smirnoff, a glass and some ice, and prepare to descend into my own personal pit of misery. I would drink, most nights, until I passed out.

During this period of time, my friend Steve's mother died. I knew her fairly well, and often thought that she reminded me of my own mother. She was old, and had been sick, but it still was difficult to accept. A couple of days later, my friend Wendy went home and found her mother dead of no apparent cause. I went to both wakes, and compounded my depression by brooding and continuing to bathe my liver in alcohol.

I was brought up as a Catholic, and although I went to church only rarely, I considered myself a Christian who was possibly just straying from the flock for a while. I was living in the city I grew up in, in the house I grew up in, and working a part-time job. So I hadn't really experienced a lot of life outside what I was familiar with. With all this turmoil, and depression sinking in, I began, for the first time, to really question things. I would spend the conscious parts of my porch-drinking sessions thinking very deeply about the meaning of my life, and my beliefs. I began to question the existence of God, which I had never done before because I was convinced it was a sin to do so. Every night I tormented myself, allowing my spiritual and my logical sides to battle to the death. Eventually, after many weeks, the night came when logic drew it's sword and with a daring spin move, decapitated spirituality and sent it's lifeless head bouncing off the ice cubes and dissolving into my drink of sorrow. I decided that there was no God.

Now, logic is a funny thing. The logic behind the "No God" decision was "How could there be a God, who would let the world suffer so much? I'm sure this question's been asked a few times before, but it was my turn. Logic thought #2 said, "Ed, this could be a test. God could be testing your faith" I responded with, "Shut the fuck up, I had this all figured out!" So the question remained; is God testing us, or is there no God? Too simplistic? Maybe. Not considering the countless forms and concepts of God, and that maybe my problem was Catholicism? Maybe. I decided that the only one to ask would be The Man himself. I began to talk to God. And I don't mean in my mind. I spoke out loud to God, which I'm sure, made for an interesting show for any neighbors still awake at that hour. But, I figured if I was going to open a channel of communication with the Dude, I might as well be heard.

I used my logic on God. I reminded Him that He created us all equally. Then I reminded Him of the time He allegedly appeared to Thomas after His death. "If we are equal, why is Thomas worth showing physical proof and I am not?" So, with that, and maybe another 20 or 30 arguments thrown out there for the record, I requested a sign. Now, I realize that an appearance by Jesus Christ himself would eliminate any need for faith whatsoever. It would be like cheating on the test. So, I asked for a simple sign. I asked for something that I would recognize, by myself, and that would give me just enough to keep going. I asked for a branch to fall from a tree. It didn't have to be a large branch, maybe a twig or a couple of leaves. I just wanted a small sign that God was hearing me. This was not a quiet, calm request. I cried out loud for a long time. I waited for the branch. I was silent. No branch fell.

The next day, I was crawling my way through another workday in the Cable Hubroom. It was the perfect place for a hangover: dark, cool, quiet. I got a call transferred to me from Customer Service. It was my mother. She just wanted to tell me not to be alarmed when I came home late that night, because the neighbor's tree had fallen into our yard.

I got home after 11pm. A massive oak tree from the yard next door was lying across the entire width of our backyard. It had left several large gashes in the neighbor's garage, and flattened about 3 sections of chain link fence. Anyone who had been in the yard would probably have been killed. There was a small branch that ended up sticking out, within arm's reach of where I had been sitting the night before. I stood and stared for about half an hour.

Back to logic. What made this tree fall? There was no storm that day, no above average wind. The tree hadn't broken, it actually uprooted itself. Some tree guys came to remove it the next day. They were baffled. The roots seemed very healthy, there was no rot or dead branches, no animals had dug underneath. For some reason, the tree had just uprooted and fallen into my vodka drinking pit. My mother thought it sounded like thunder when it fell.

So what the hell happened? I still don't know. I got the idea in my head that this could not have happened that night because my mind was numbed with alcohol. But, I'm still not convinced that this was a sign from God. It could be an unexplainable and very coincidental incident. It's very hard to put into perspective, even after all this time. What I like about it is that it was big. It was a huge, dangerous, thundering crash, when all I had asked for was a twig.

So, logic takes a step back, lowers his sword and scratches his head. The mystery continues.








The preceding story was written in 1998