Happy Hallowe'en from 40+Sanity

TOP TEN REASONS
TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX:

10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.

6. Person giving you candy doesn't fantasize you're someone else.

5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months.

4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.

3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the next morning.

and, the #1 reason trick or treating is better than sex...

1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!

A LATE NIGHT WALK

A woman was walking home alone late one night when she hears a.......

.....BUMP...

.....BUMP ... behind her.

Walking faster she looks back, and makes out the image of an upright

coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards her

... BUMP...

....BUMP...

Terrified, the woman begins to run towards her home, the coffin

bouncing quickly behind her ...

faster...

BUMP...

BUMP....

BUMP.

She runs up to her door, fumbles with her keys, opens the door,

rushesin, slams and locks the door behind her.

However, the coffin crashes through her door, with the lid of the

coffin clapping ...

clappity-BUMP...

on the heels of the terrified woman....

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the woman locks herself in.

Her heart is pounding; her head is reeling; her breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping towards her.

The woman screams and reaches for something, anything ...

but all she can find is a bottle of cough syrup

Desperate, she throws the cough syrup at the coffin ...

... the coffin stops

THE CAB RIDE

A cabby picks up a nun. She gets into the cab,
and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why is he staring and he replies,
"I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me.
When you're as old as I am
and have been a nun as long as I have,
you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.
I'm sure that there's nothing you could say
or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says,
"Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
"OK" the nun says "Pull into the next alley"
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss
that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road,
the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child, said the nun,
why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned.
I lied, I must confess,
I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says,
"That's OK, my name is Kevin
and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."
Happy Halloween!

HALLOWE'EN GROANERS:

Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink
when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
A. Ghoul-aid!!!

Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
A. Wrap!!!!!

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. What's a monster's favorite bean?
A. A human bean.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
A. Ghoul

Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A. For the Boos.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
A. He didn't have a haunting license.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A. He had no body to dance with.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
A. At the casketeria.

Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A. He is mist.

Q. Where did the goblin throw the football?
A. Over the ghoul line.

Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A. Because he is always a goblin.

Q. What do you call a goblin who gets
too close to a bonfire?
A. A toasty ghosty.

Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
A. Whipped scream.

Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A. Fangsgiving

Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
A. mas-scare-a.

Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective?
A. Sherlock Moans.

Q. Who was the most famous witch detective?
A. Warlock Holmes

HALLOWE'EN COSTUMES - WHAT TO BE?

A little boy and girl, all dressed up,
ring the bell and the man who answers it and says,
"Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?"

"We're Jack and Jill" she replied.

The man says,
"You can't be Jack and Jill, you're black!"
So, they go off and a while later
they come back dressed differently.
They ring the doorbell once again
and the man opens the door.

"Well now, that is just darn cute.
Who are you this time?"

"We're Hansel and Gretel" says the little boy.
"Well, I hate to disappoint you son,
but you can't be Hansel and Gretel
because you're black!"

Heads hung low they leave.
Not too much later the man hears the bell
ring again.
This time when he opens the door
there stand the two children
but this time they are BUCK-NAKED.

"Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?" he asks.

"We're M&Ms, I'm plain and he's with nuts!"

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