Interview with Nick and Vince of Evoken
Yes, the long wait is over. I have finally got OFF my lazy ass and got this interview together. We're all friends, so that's why we all decided to screw the professional crap and just say what the hell is on our minds! Now, some, nay, MOST of the content on here may or may not be true. Halfway through I still have no idea if they're joking anymore.
Also the tables make an impromptu turn as Nick and Vince interview ME later on in this interview.
Oh, and they have a new album coming out. What's it called?....
No, really. What is it?
Lady Estrella: *Sits quietly looking like an ass*
Vince: hold on one sec
Nick: be right back
LE: ah jeez!
V: i have to take a leakis
LE: *laughs* Dammit! I dropped my cigarette!
N: Lets get this panty jam rollin'!
V: I'll be right back I have to piss bad.
N: Oh, Christ
LE: Nick, do you mind if i add all of what's been sayd already in
the interview?
N: Go ahead
LE: Yay!
N: B.Faroney in da house
V: ok, i'm back
LE: Oh shit, Be right back i have to take a wicked whizz
N: Fucking pre-schoolers
LE: Just kidding *laughing loudly*
Well, let's get started...Does anybody else have to go to the bathroom?
N: i already went in my pants. thank god for depends
LE: It's okay, Nick, because peeing your pants is COOL!
N: its not pee
LE: Uh oh....
N: i made a pudding !
V: Alright let's begin!
LE: EEWWW...okay, enough toilet talk. First Question. Nick....did
you like your X-mas/B-day present I sent you? (Ed: It was a can of Beefaroni - LadyEstrella)
N: Yes it was lovely.....i ate it with a nice Burgundy wine.
LE: So I hear you guys have a new album coming out. Talk about it.
N: go ahead vin (Ed: His name is Vin now - LadyEstrella)
V: yep, it'll be out in late spring early summer on AvantGarde music in italy....(Ed: Well that doesn't help me any! I'm not in Italy! - LadyEstrella) and this promises to be heavier, darker and fuckin eerie as hell.
N: 7 songs/ 63 minutes. Shall we divulge the title ?
LE: If you want.
V: Nah, that needs to be kept under the covers right now, sorry (Ed: Damn! -LadyEstrella)
N: Vin doesn't want Yugoslavian doom bands stealing our title
V: I can tell you that it's not titled Weenie Tuckers
N: *laughs loudly*
LE: What about the drumming. Despite what Nick says, does the drumming really sound like the pitter-patter of penises?
V: Ah, that cool cat lets his little red riding hood fantasies get in the way...
N: Cmon Vin u know I like your tin can...er I mean drum sound !
V: the drums will be bombastic as always, one thing that will be changed are the bass drums. The last release had a small wet paper bag effect to it which was shit, so, it took away from the impact of an abundance of riffs.
N: yup, but this album will be brutal in all ways. no weakness
LE: And Nick, despite what Vince had sayd, does your guitaring sound like his pappy humming on wax paper?
V: Wow, I said that?
LE: Yeah, after Nick sayd the thing about the pitter-patter of penises
V: Oh, Oh well...
N: His pappy is a hermaphrodite so it would probably not be similar to my guitar sound. Hermaphrodites have a much higher pitched humming. Seriously, my guitar sounded like shit on the last album so he's right.
V: We as the english would say take the piss, but its all in good fun...
LE: Vince...you're not english
V: Well, I'm not swedish either...I could be a pervert and say I'm an english muffin cover me in butter and lick me *laughing*
N: ershky bershy skedders !! (Ed: From Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas - LadyEstrella)
LE: Well, I liked it, Nick, the guitaring (ed: Guitaring is a word now! Why? Because I sayd so! - LadyEstrella)
N: thats cool....it'll be better this album
V: The guitars on the new album have much more bite to them which gives it an impact
LE: Like Barq's has bite?
V: You got it.
N: It's gonna hit you like a 7:15 to Fresno slamming into a stewbum passed out on the tracks !
V: Bite in the vein of the first Entombed album "Left hand Path"
On that album you felt the notes hit you in the chest
N: sort of.....but we dont have the full swedish sound. not that buzzy kinda sound
V: Right, we dont have that dirty swedish sound.
N: exactly....no fucking way
LE: Nick, do you plan on putting your death-metal version of the Snoopy Sno Cone Machine commercial song in your next album?
N: nah i'll save that for my side project.....Frito Bandito & The Amazing South Street Shuffle
V: Haha, thats if the neighbors don't jack you for it.
N: haha total Mexican Radio
LE: What about that "get happy" crap you were playing on the phone awhile back?
N: no thats not evil enough
LE: It was to me! Dammit, Nick that "get happy" stuff scarred me or life! *laughs*
N: You're too soft
LE: Would you consider yourselves to be different than any other doom band out there?
N: Yes. We dont whine and pout about shit. Only darkness, despair, and total desolation
LE: What is the philosophy behind Evoken?
V: Nick, take this one please
N: Make it the heaviest, darkest, most dismal music or go play salsa!
LE: Do you see yourselves doing this 20 years from now?
N: Me and Vince will be playing in a band together 'till were
fucking 90. We have been for almost a decade already
LE: I had no idea it was possible to fuck the number 90
N: UH DUH !!!!!!!
LE: *giggling*
V: Sorry computer locked up
N: ok you missed ALOT !! haha
V: Did I, It must be the San Jose Flu
LE: Nick, despite what Vince may have sayd, do you really like guys with Beefaroni in their can?
N: No i prefer guys that tuck weenies for a living
V: *laughing* AH ,how Steve gives us material to work with.
LE: What kind of music do you guys like?
N: semi fusion, funk-tinged, grinding polka jazz with a hint of
salsa induced rockabilly
V: Well, If we listed all that we are into we would be here till next
year, so we'll just name a few.
N: Black Sabbath
V: U2.
N: My Dying Bride, Disembowelment, Winter, Thergothon
V: Disembowelment...What a surprise, huh
Portishead
N: Portishead RULE !!!
V: Like I said We would be here all year.
N: right thats too broad a question. next
LE: If you were a girl, who would you rather do, Peter Steele or Trent Reznor?
N: neither
V: If I was a girl I would be full lesbian
N: I'd shag Pablo Guzman rotten
V: *laughs loudly*
LE: Hey! They're both hot!
Who's Pablo Guzman?
V: No, they're both in the public eye, so it makes them attractive.
N: A reporter for channel 5 news
LE: Vince, if they went to my high school I would want them anyway.
V: If they went to your high school you would have to get through 50 other screaming meemies. (ed: Like hell I would. -LadyEstrella)
LE: Of course Peter Steele is old enough to be my dad (Ed: Peter, if you're reading this, I'm only seventeen - LadyEstrella)
N: Would u sit on his lap as he read u a story ?
V: Then you would be called Sony Steele, sounds like a new dildo...lol (Ed: Actually that sounds pretty cool - LadyEstrella)
LE: Hey, I'm asking the questions here! *laughing hysterically*
Is there any interest of yours that, if anyone knew, you'd never hear the end of it?
V: Shaving the hair off hairy guys backs
N: Taking rhumba lessons
LE: Like Prince Albert, Vince?
V: Who?
LE: You must not watch wrestling
V: I do, but I'd be dammed if I knew who that is
LE: He's that guy with the fur all over his back
V: Oh, He must be Greek
N: The Angry Athenian
LE: Is there anything you'd like to ask me?
N: What are you wearing ?
LE: Clothes
N: Do u pick potatoes in the nude ? *laughing*
V: Being in the middle of nowhere, People must get insanely horny out there is this true?
N: Who shot JFK ?
V: Whats the capital of South Dakota?
N: What does cheesecloth mean in swahili ?
LE: Okay, Shut up for a minute! *laughing*
V: How long is a minute?
N: Do you like movies about gladiators ?
V: Why does unshaved beaver stink? Ever seen a grown man
naked?
N: *laughing his ass off*
V: Do you like it when scraps rub up and down your leg?
N: Dude, you're high
V: Nope
N: speaking all cherokee
V: Just really tired
N: wheres Sonija ?
V: I think she passed out
LE: I don't pick potatoes in the nude, People DO get insanely horny out here....
V: Did you like my interview with Unchain the Underground?
LE: Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK (ed: Actually, to this day nobody really knows -LadyEstrella) , the capital of South Dakota is Pierre, I don't speak Swahili, A minute is 60 seconds, I've never seen a gladiator movie...
V: By the way, you dont have to sit here and answer all the questions...
LE: Unshaved beaver stinks because particals get caught in the hair...
V: AH, good answer.
LE: Unless you wanna count my dad (ON ACCIDENT) I've never seen a grown man naked
N: hmmmm by accident........
V: Did you ask to borrow the car?
LE: I don't like scraps running down my leg, and Vince, I loved your interview with UtU (Unchain the Underground) And no, I went to show mom my catfur nest (I made it out of the hair I brushed off my cats)
N: Utu Mabootu ?
V: Thanks, I knew you would
LE: Yes, Nick....Utu Mabootu. Well, That about wraps it up for this interview. Any last words?
N: Did he ask Vince to bring back the Sibilinga ?
LE: The what?
V: NO, for one reason, Dr. Jones forgot to cover his heart
N: nevermind
V: Well, thanks for the interview, I think it was funny
N: Thanx Sonija it was pretty comical
LE: I'm sure you had a good time testing me!
N: All doomsters must buy this album or be a Moonspell fan !
V: HMmmm we did.
LE: Are you guys laughing at me now?
V: Nope, I'm too delirious right now *laughs*.
N: And im high on butane, so I'm laughing anyway!
LE: You guys are insane, You go to bed now
V: Ok nite
N: Alrighty then ! DOOM !!!!!!!!!!!
LE: Night, guys
That's it! That's the end of the interview!
Official Evoken Website
