Helpful Hints
Old telephone books make ideal personal address
books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of
people you don't know.
Fool other drivers into thinking you have an
expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video
remote control up to your ear and occasionally
swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid
tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in
only two days.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield
wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your
car parked illegally.
No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and
remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat
and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of
whiskey. The following morning you can create the
effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of
dishwashing liquid and banging your head repeatedly
on the wall.
(uh, oh yeah, don't try these at home.)
Back to the Homepage
Email: PaintedBlack007@yahoo.com