She spent her last months in a hospital and I was at school at home only on weekends.I was afraid of her,her disease and I was afraid of seeing her go away.I wanted her to stay and share her jokes,laugh everything with me,like we always did in our childhood.Playing together everyday,weeks and months.Maybe it was just how I was selfish and wanted to keep that memory of her.Not sick and weak,but strong and a dear friend,with a great sense of humor.
I prayed for her to get better,everynight I kept her in my prayers,Dear God,don't take her away.My answer came in a form of phonecall late at night on wednesday I think it was,it was my mom whom told me that Zen had passed away.That was my answer to my prayers.That very moment my world crashed,went to pieces and died.Thoughts stopped and the world stopped moving.I was there,in the middle of nothing.
I lost my faith in God and turned my back to Him.I dressed in black and pushed everyone away from me.Not eating,talking just being there.Maybe a part of me,died that very moment with Zen,atleast when it was Zens death,it was also the death of my faith and childhood.Among with other feelings I had,I was also angry,at myself and God.I wasn't there for Zen when she needed me,I wasn't the rtue friend whom she could always count on.Just because,I was too weak and afraid to go see her.I was angry at God,for not giving me the reply I wanted.He stole my dear friend and smashed my life,leaving me nothing,atleast that time I felt it that way.
But I survived.I am alive and have a good life.I think *L*Zen is gone,but she lives through the memories I have of her.She's up there somewhere,waiting and I'll meet her there.I promise,so I won't lose you.You'll be there,waiting for me and all our friends.
Human life is like book,we go on page by page,chapter by chapter,and when the it's the time to close the book,something is missing...
when it's time to call upon the night,
when we hear the last birds sing,
when we close our eyes,
from this world,
we gaze upon the land,
that was meant to be ours.
Jenny Maria
Date of Birth:April 23 1980
Passed away:March 1st 1998
Miss you so...