November 17, 2001

I don’t like where I am sitting I feel like I am out in the open and very vulnerable.  People can see me here and I don’t like people to see me.  Hmm.  What to do?  What to do?  I don’t really have anything to say right now.  I am supposed to be reading a book for an essay but I have no ambition in my life.  Boy do I wish I had ambition right now.  I just don’t feel comfortable enough where I am to be able to just sit back and read a book.  There is no wall for me to lean on and there is no second wall to put my feet up on.  Boy do I hate it here.  Now I am going to have to come back tonight just so I can sit down and read.  I kind of want to go out tonight though, I don’t know what I want to do while I am out because I am not really in the mood to go back to drinking but…  I never had that every weekend let’s go out and drink thing going on so maybe it is just me wanting to be how I could have been.  Maybe this year was supposed to what my first year should have been and again I am ruining it because I am such a baby.  Oh well what are you going to do?

Maybe I will go back and see if I started any other entries that I can go back to and write about.  I get really lazy sometimes and only write the little thoughts and expand on them later.  I guess because of that most of the dates on my entries are wrong.  Ah well. 

Oh, even better I just realised I can go back and read some of my Madison stories.  Maybe I will do that instead.