November 6, 2001

12:56 (my computer’s time)

I am sitting in Medieval Literature class and I am bored right now.  I like the class but I am now realising that I have a lot of reading left to do in this class but I am so tired of reading, so tired in general. 

My wrist is aching.  I wish I wasn’t so stupid when I was drunk.  Oh great computer screen do you know why my wrist aches?  So I try to drop kick someone, Curt to be exact and I have either kicked him, missed him, or he blocked.  Needless to say I fell on my ass, well my back and my wrist.  And so the story was written, I sprained my wrist and I feel like a useless piece of crap. 

So once again my life has cycled to being the same stupid person that I was before.  How can I lust after someone who is so much younger than me?  Yet, in reality there is no lust because really I just like the attention.  I like to talk to people; I like them to want to talk to me.  What kind of person does this make me?  I don’t want him; I don’t want to sleep with him, or even go out with him.  I just want to talk to him, to have that kind of friendship that I used to have with so many guys before.  This is all I have ever really wanted but to try and explain this to someone else, they don’t believe me or understand me.  Like with Trevor, it was exactly the same thing but Kathy never understood that and I could never explain it to her.  When I missed him it was like me missing any other friend.  Like when I missed Jeb, Jesse, and Corey when they moved away. 

Maybe the reason why I can get along with younger guys because it was probably that point in my life that I started to move away from having guys as friends.  Now it is like I am just continuing on.  And I like guys at that age, they are funny, like Josh, I could like Josh as a best friend just because of the way he is. 

That’s enough for now class is almost over.  More to write later, I’m sure. 

1:19 (my computer’s time)