On this particular night, the baby did not nudge back, the baby kicked. The baby kicked hard enough to startle me in my sleep.
Being as tired as I was, I drifted back to sleep. Unaware that anything was wrong.
For 2 days, I continued to play music for the baby through the headphones on my walkman. Normally the baby would kick
around, but not this time.
Early Wednesday evening, I started to go into labor. At 6:00p, I called Brian at work and told him to come and get me.
We went to the hospital with high hopes and anticipation. The nurses took me into one of the labor rooms. They hooked me
up to a fetal monitor and noticed that they were having trouble finding the baby's heartbeat. I was asked"When was your last
appointment?" I replied, "Last Thursday." I also informed the nurses that I had an ultrasoundon Friday. "We
were told that everything was okay and that I still had 3 weeks to go."
(graphic no longer linkable, sorry)
The nurses called for the doctor on call in the ER. The nurses explained that they could not find the fetal heartbeat. The
doctor ordered another ultrasound. We waited almost 45 minutes. The radiologist had to come back to the hospital. When
she finally returned to the hospital, I was wheeled down to radiology.
The radiologist, took me into the room for the ultrasound. When she found what she was looking for, she left the room abruptly.
I turned to look at the screen and saw why she had left. Another radiologist came in and confirmed what she had seen on the
screen. I was then taken back to my room in labor & delivery
I told Brian my suspicions, but he refused to believe me. I told him that I had seen the screen. The heartbeat had stopped.
Brian chose to wait and see what the doctor had to say first. At that point, the doctor came into the room with the bad news.
The baby had passed on. Brian broke into tears. Being strung out on my own hormones from the pregnancy, I simply stated
that next time I would have to try harder. Brian couldn't believe my comment, but attributed my hormone surge to my state of
mind.
The doctor gave us some options. One was to induce labor. The other was to go home and let labor progress naturally. We
told the doctor to induce labor. What was the point in going home and letting labor progress naturally if the baby is dead.
The nurses made the necessary arrangements to induce labor.
At 2:33a, Thursday, 14 Jun, I gave birth to our little girl. She weighed at that time 5 lbs. 11 oz. Brian asked one of the nurses,
if he could hold her. He was a bit insistant, which was understandable. Brian then took her out to the waiting room where
friends and family were waiting to have a look at her. Everybody broke out in tears. When Brian came back into the delivery
room, he handed our little girl back to the nurse. Before Brian left the delivery room, he asked me to do a favor. He asked me
to hold her. I did not want to since she had died. When Brian insisted, I agreed. I promised Brian that I would hold her.
Brian and the doctor left the delivery room. The nurses worked on getting me cleaned up. While this was going on, I was
asked if I wanted to hold our little girl. I told the nurses that I would hold her per my husband's request. I was not going to
disappointment him.
The nurses wheeled me to my room where I was to recover. About 15 minutes later, one of the nurses brought our little girl into
the room for me to see. I spent a good half hour visiting with her. While I was visiting with her, Bella Anne had a double
nosebleed. Not thinking about what I was doing, I reached back for a kleenex and cleaned up her nosebleed. When the nurse
came in to check on me, she noticed what I was doing. Her only comment was: You have a natural instinct for being a mom.
I asked why she said that. She said, "You realize that you are cleaning up a nosebleed on your deceased daughter, don't you?"
When I was done visiting with Bella Anne, the nurse took her back to the delivery room. Later that morning, she was taken
downstairs to the morgue. About 5 minutes later, another nurse came in and told me that I had a phone call. I looked at her
kinda funny. Who would be calling me now? Hardly anyone knows what has happened yet. She told me that it was my
mother calling.
The nurse handed me the phone. I learned from my mom that Brian had called her and told her what had happened. She in
turn, called me at the hospital. We talked for almost 90 minutes. By the time we both concluded our conversation, she told me
that her & dad would be on there way to California first thing tomorrow morning. My mom hung up the phone with me and
filled my dad in on what had happened.
(graphic no longer linkable, sorry
Later that morning, without consulting Brian, I authorized an autopsy. Brian wanting to know what happened to his little girl,
was not angry with me for having the autopsy ordered.
Later that night, Brian came by the hospital with a couple of sodas for me to drink. As I was drifting in & out of sleep, I kept
telling Brian to go home and get some sleep. All he would tell me was: Tammy, go to sleep. After about 10 minutes of the
2 of doing this, I finally drifted off for the night. The nurses understanding our loss, did not run Brian out of the room. Instead,
the nurses, took off Brian's shoes and placed a blanket over him. When I woke up the next morning in the hospital, I found Brian
sleeping in a chair at the end of my bed. I was angry with him at first, but my anger quickly turned toward relief. I was grateful
that Brian stayed at the hospital. In the event that I had woken up during the night screaming or anything else, Brian would
have been there to comfort me. I was also grateful to the nursing staff for their understanding and support.
I was released later that morning. 2 days later, with friends and family by our side, we held a memorial service in memory of
our little girl. Alot of the employees at the store where Brian worked, took up a collection for us. Enough money was raised to
pay for the funeral expenses. We thanked everybody for their support, help, and condolences.
3 days after the memorial service, Brian contacted the doctor who delivered Bella Anne. Brian asked him if he had received
the autopsy report back yet. The doctor told Brian that the cause of death was placental-related. The listed cause of death is
placental insuffiency.
2 years later, Brian and I learned that the real cause of death was placental-related, but it was not due to insuffient size.
Bella Anne died from placental regression. This happens when the placenta is no longer needed to support the baby. In my
case, this is what happened to me. According to the preliminary report, I was 37 weeks along. In actuality, I was 42 weeks
along. Bella Anne was overdue. Very overdue.
