EPISODE - 1

Then welcome, ooh vudge welcome
in Blue Jam
 

1 - Genital Transplants: 4 Year Old Girl With The Penis
And Testes Of A 45 Year Old Man

I think the balls are excellent
 

2 - Doctor's Surgery: Don't Like Doctors

You don't like me, do you? You don't like me, do you?
Well, I don't like you, so piss off
 

3 - Doctor's Surgery: Bribing A Sprained Knee

What I'm going to do is give you two hundred quid. 
Two hundred pounds, and I never want to see you again
 

Mary Ann Hobbes on a trolley
 

4 - Monologue: Meeja Hors D'Oeuvres

'I've got a transmittable pilot,' I said.
'Serves you right, you fucking pervert'
 

Mary Ann Hobbes drained into a sink
 

5 - Sweary Man: Plastic Arsehole Till

I mean, what kind of a totally pricked up little arse cunty ponce,
with a plastic arsehole with a fucking duck sticking out of it
 

Steve Lemacq shaking hands with an elephant
 

6 - Uncaring Parent: Shoot And Burn

Sorry about Lucy, I just saw her at the garage and
smoked the bitch Yeah, I know, I'll try. All right, cheers. (click)
Boys have had it. love
 

7 - Unemployed Welshmen

One time, we were really bored, so I started tugging
at the monument, y'know, for a laugh? And suddenly
it swung down and, and, all this beer came out
of the house across the road
 

Jo Wiley chopped to pieces
 

8 - Pub Millionairess

I just.. like to watch a really destructive fight.
I know some lads who'll do anything
 

9 - Doctor's Surgery: Bribing A Nose Bleed

Here's a tenner. Pop back if that doesn't clear up.
If that doesn't work shove some soap up your arse
 

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