EPISODE - 1

Then ee welcome, oh then ee arth welcome
in Blue Jam
 

1 - Monologue: A Man, A Gun And A Gibbon

The nocturnal mammal house in
the zoo was the only place I really wanted to go
at that moment
 

2 - Doctor's Surgery: Kissing Doctor pt 1-3

Could you just hold your arm right up a moment,
I'll just give it a little kiss
 

I seem to have developed a sore on my penis
 

They'll need a malaria kiss, a hepatitis kiss
and a cholera kiss
 

Steve Lamacq shaking hands with an elephant
 

3 - Baby Combat

They're held apart when the bets are made,
and then the baby-man makes his noise
 

4 - Morris & LWT Complainer

Well what about Bill Clinton? How big would he be?
Hmmm, well, virtually non-existent. Probably
about an eighth of an inch high
I should think
 

5 - Radio 1 Newsbeat

The government's set to announce a new
concession for students planning to crush
their skulls before going to university
 

Jo Wiley chopped to pieces
 

6 - Doctor's Surgery: Kissing Doctor pt 4

I've got this mouth ulcer, just on the inside here
 

7 - My Disposition - by Ivor Cutler

I heard her discussing it with father through the keyhole.
'Evalyn (that's me)... Evalyn seems to be totally
without a disposition'
 

8 - Cunts Of Gold

That is painful, to be dropped in the bath.
But it is just about... worth it for me
 

Giant Simon Mayo crashing round the funfair
 

9 - Doctor's Surgery: Not Much Of A Throat Left

Well, a throat should be much
bigger than that. About this big. Looks like a .. smooth
pink ball. Yours is just a hole.
 

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 Sketches supplied by Matt Honeyball at
The Felchspoon