Title: I Never Wanted to be an Archaeologist...
Author: Danielle
Rating: G
Disclaimer: All characters from the television series ‘Stargate SG-1’ belong to Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I’m only borrowing them for my personal entertainment, and I promise I’ll put them back all nice and proper. I didn’t profit from writing this piece, though if someone wants to pay me huge wads of cash for the copyright, I won't argue. All original characters and situations belong to me, but you can use them if you really want to - just mail me first. Also mail me first if you want to archive this somewhere else. Thank you kindly.
Summary: It's hard being a loser...

Author's Notes: Yeah, I'm indulging my love of English-borne silliness... Guess which show!

I Never Wanted To Be An Archaeologist

"God, I feel like an idiot."

"You feel like an idiot? How d'you think I feel?"

"I don't know sir. Red kinda suits you."

"That's all well and good Carter, but I'd rather be wearing my uniform right now. Isn't that right… Daniel?"

"How many times do I have to apologise?"

"It could take the rest of your life at this rate."

"C'mon Jack, its not that bad. Think of all the joy you'll be bringing into other people's lives."

"Immediately followed by me getting slapped with a monumental lawsuit because I sent them all deaf."

"There's almost always a down side with you, isn't there?"

"I practise."

"She is correct O'Neill."

"Great, now even Teal'c's starting on me."

"What would I wish to start on you? And why?"

"I don't know. And because I'm your CO."

"No, I suspect it has something to do with the fact that your whinging is currently making you an easy target. Sir."

"I am not whinging. I am merely putting forward my opinion that this is a futile exercise that is only going to embarrass us all."

"Since when did you swallow a thesaurus? And besides, that was the idea."

"Well, we wouldn't have this problem if Daniel had kept his big trap shut. And you too for that matter."

"Jack!! I nearly broke my neck!"

"On what? A pile of leaves?"

"There might've been a rock."

"I doubt that very much."

"Well, I'd like to see you keep your cool when you start falling down a blasted hill!"

"C'mon, it wasn't exactly Everest."

"It was steep enough."

"What is Everest?"

"It's this whacking, great big hill that all these wierdos want to climb."

"I wouldn't call Sir Edmund Hilary a wierdo."

"Hey, he wanted to climb this hill for no other reason than the fact that it was there and it was big. The guy had some serious issues with regard to prioritising."

"Anyway, back to the topic. Did you have to make so much noise?"

"What, and settle for suffering in silence? Pull the other one Jack, it plays the Bruces' song."

"Shut up Rhya."

"Hey, don't get snippy with me. You're the one who lost it for us."

"But you're the one who set the punishment for the losers."

"But you're the one that lost it for us."

But you're the one who-"

"C'mon you two, we've covered that territory already."

"She started it."

"And I'll finish it in a few minutes."

"Look out. Jack's gone all 'I'm the boss' on us."

"Shut up Rhya."

"Bite me."

"Not in public. God only knows what they'd all think."

"Can't be any worse than what they think now."

"Shut up Carter."

"He's like a broken record, isn't he?"

"Only less aesthetically pleasing."

"You reckon?"

"Can it you two."

"Can what?"

"Shut up Rhya."

"Geez, anyone'd think you wanted me to be quiet."

"Funny, that's the impression I've been trying to convey… for the past five minutes!!!"

"No need to yell Jack."

"You lot starting sometime this century would be nice."

"Shut up Feretti."

"Hey, I'm only just warning you that the natives are getting restless."

"Why did I just get an image of everyone in grass skirts and bizarre make-up?"

"How the hell should I know what goes on in your demented, little mind."

"Shut up Jack."

"Sir, it'd probably be better if we got it all over and done with."

"Yeah Jack, its not that bad."

"I bet you did this just so we'd make fools of ourselves."

"Hey, have I been left out?"

"She's got a point Daniel."

"You forget, Sam, that Rhya is physically incapable of being embarrassed."

"So I'm blessed. Big deal."

"You consider the incapability of suffering all forms of shame a blessing?"

"Where I'm from Teal'c, it's the best thing since sliced bread."

"But you don't-"

"It's just a saying Daniel. Get over it."

*From elsewhere* "SG-1… SG-1"

"Oh listen, they're playing our song."

"More like roaring in for the kill."

"Go on Daniel. Just imagine them in their underwear."

"Thanks Sam. I just needed that image of the general strutting around in a pair of Y-fronts."

"I think I'm gonna barf."

"I think I might join you."

"Colonel, I would suggest you-"

*Snigger*

*Giggle*

"What is so damn funny?"

"Y-fronts…" *Giggle*

"I beg your pardon."

"Rhya is referring to a comment made by DanielJackson with regard to a menta-"

"Enough Teal'c. We're coming sir."

"Do not make us wait much longer colonel. It was your team that made this bet."

"No we didn't. She did."

"Regardless, you have to carry through. Besides, we could all use a little light relief after the past few weeks."

"Darn, I thought we were going to be heavy relief."

"Their loss. Ready to go campers?"

"Sir, for someone who didn't want to do this ten minutes ago, you seem awfully keen now."

"I had a sudden change of heart. After all, we're only the guys in the background."

*Groan* "Don't remind me Jack."

"Hey Danny."

"What?"

"Break a leg."

"I wish I had… I never wanted to be an archaeologist. I... I-"

"That's our cue."

"God I feel like an idiot."

"Shhh!"

"I wanted to be... a lumberjack! Jumping from tree-to-tree as they float down the mighty..."