Chapter Twenty-six

AJ and John pulled into Howie’s driveway at the same time, parking beside each other. Both of them had tried calling several times the night before and neither of them had gotten a response. They got out of their vehicles and shared a worried glance before racing to the door. John knocked while AJ rang the doorbell repeatedly. They could hear barking from inside, frantic barking.

John tried the doorknob, finding it locked. AJ pounded again, yelling Howie’s name. The barking got louder and soon came the sound of paws scratching against the door. Stinker then moved to the window and barked at them to get inside.

“Stand back,” John warned, pushing AJ out of the way.

John took a few steps back and then rammed his shoulder against the door. It burst from the hinges and flapped open. Stinker jumped at them, barking. She dashed to the kitchen and back, begging them to follow.

They did, afraid of what they might find. Stinker ran to the sliding door that led to the pool. She sat down and began to howl.

“Holy fuck,” AJ breathed, running outside.

“Howie!” John yelled.

Howie lay on his stomach on the cement just beside the steps of the pool. His hair was wet and hung in limp curls all around his head. AJ noticed the wine bottle floating in the pool and the pinkish hue of the water, but didn’t say anything.

“Howie, man, can you hear me?” AJ asked, dropping to his knees and reaching out to touch him.

“Howie, wake up,” John pleaded, grabbing a towel from a nearby lounge chair. He draped it over his brother and knelt next to AJ.

A small groan escaped Howie’s lips, and they both sighed in relief.

“Howie, are you hurt?” AJ asked, gently rubbing his back.

“Go away,” he groaned.

“Ha, not a chance. What happened? Do you want us to call a doctor?”

Howie coughed and slowly began to sit up, pulling the towel around him to stop the shivering.

“No, just go away. I don’t wanna talk to you.”

“Too bad, you’re gonna,” AJ said firmly, helping his friend to a chair. “What the hell happened?”

Howie just sat there, his eyes hazy and unfocused. He pushed hair from his eyes and rubbed his neck. Stinker took tentative steps towards the trio, her head cocked to the side, her eyes questioning. Howie patted his lap, and she jumped up, burying her nose against his chest.

“Howie?” John questioned softly. “Please talk to us.”

AJ chewed on his lower lip, at the same time rolling his rings around his fingers.

“Um, D, you didn’t try to, uh...” His voice trailed off. He couldn’t bring himself to ask if his best friend in the world had tried to kill himself.

Howie shook his head. “I don’t think so. I just wanted the pain to stop, but I didn’t want to end my life.”

“Have you talked to Lori?” John asked.

Immediately he wanted to kick himself as he watched Howie’s eyes fill with tears.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “Really, I am.”

“So am I,” AJ said, but for different reasons. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you two.”

“It’s all my fault. I should have known better. Now she’ll never speak to me again, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Sure you can,” AJ said. “You can talk to her, convince her that you didn’t mean to hurt her. Tell her how much you love her, man.”

“She won’t believe me. Just let it go, Aje. It’s over.”

Howie stood up, cradling the dog in his arms, and started for the house.

“I’m going to take a shower. Make yourselves at home, but really, I don’t feel like talking,” he said.

John sighed heavily and ran a hand over his face. AJ eyed him curiously.

“There’s something you’re not saying,” he said pointedly. “C’mon, John. I’ve known you as long as I’ve known Howie. What’s up?”

John threw a cautious glance back to the house, making sure Howie was out of earshot. He pulled a small, white envelope from his pocket and passed it to AJ.

“I stopped by the office this morning on my way over here. I don’t know why, I just had this feeling. This was slipped under the door.”

AJ frowned and opened the envelope. Inside were the keys to a condo, the keys to her Jeep, and a note addressed to John.

“She left?” AJ asked in disbelief. “Just like that?”

“Yup. She left instructions to contact her father’s lawyer about closing the condo and selling the Jeep. She’s gone, left on the first flight back to Europe.”

“Dammit,” AJ muttered. “Howie’s not going to take this well.”

“No shit.”

Howie stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. He went to the sink to brush his teeth and shave. Wiping a hand across the steam-covered mirror, he was greeted by the sight of a man who looked ten years older than him. He leaned in closer, taking in the ragged appearance, poking the glass to make sure it was really his reflection staring back. He turned his head from side to side, wondering how it was possible to look like such shit after one night.

The phone rang in his bedroom, but he ignored it. John or AJ would get it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone about what had happened. He didn’t want to think about how difficult the next few weeks would be, knowing she was just a few blocks away, so close and yet so far out of his reach.

He combed his hair and pulled it back into a ponytail, not bothering to gel it or dry it. He shaved quickly, surprised he didn’t cut himself in the process.

After he brushed his teeth, he went to the bedroom to get dressed. It was then he spotted all the things Lori had left behind. A bottle of her perfume sat on the dresser, along with a pair of earrings. A beige linen suit of hers hung in the closet. A vase full of red roses sat by the bed, the stems sagging slightly.

Howie dressed as quickly as he could, just to get out of that room and away from her things. He practically threw himself out the door, pulling it shut with a definite slam behind him.

“Howie? You okay?” John’s voice called up the stairs.

“Fine. Be down in a minute.”

He walked down the stairs, ignoring the headache pounding just behind his eyes. John and AJ were sitting at the kitchen table, nursing cups of coffee and munching half-heartedly on some blueberry donuts.

“Breakfast?” AJ offered, pointing to the plate. “They’re a little stale, but still edible.”

“Ugh, no they’re not,” John said, pushing his away.

Howie poured himself some coffee and sipped it, leaning against the counter. AJ slipped John’s donut to the floor, letting Stinker nibble at it.

“Howie, you’ve got to go after her,” AJ said after a moment of silence.

“Why? What’s the point?”

“You love her don’t you?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then you can’t let her get away.”

“It’s not that easy. She’ll never let me in the door. For the rest of the time she’s in town, she will do everything in her power to stay away from me.”

He caught the look that passed between his brother and best friend and felt his heart pause in its beating. He set his coffee cup down on the counter and gripped the edge to stop his hands from shaking.

“She’s gone, isn’t she?”

"Left last night,” John answered, pushing the envelope across the table.

“She was probably packing when we stopped by,” AJ said.

Howie’s face expressed several different emotions, finally settling on defeat. His shoulders slumped and he seemed to sag against the counter, as if that were the only thing keeping him up.

“That’s it then,” he whispered.

AJ jumped from his chair. “What do you mean, ‘that’s it’? Are you nuts? You can go after her! Catch her, make her understand!”

“I can’t go running all over Europe for her,” Howie said, shaking his head. “I bet she didn’t even go back to Switzerland right away, and I don’t know of anyone that could help me.”

“You know Ivan.”

“Not really, I skipped out on dinner, remember? Plus, I doubt he’d help me now, after I’m sure she’s told him everything.”

“You have to try,” John said. “You can’t just give up!”

“Sure I can. See? This is me, giving up.”

Howie pushed himself away from the counter and left the kitchen. John made a strangling motion towards his brother, but got up and followed.

Howie stretched out on the sofa, pulling a pillow over his face. But AJ grabbed it with both hands and whacked Howie in the head with it.

“Get your ass up, Howard!” he ordered, waving the pillow wildly.

“Get the hell out of my house, Alexander!” Howie yelled. “And you too, John! Both of you, just leave! I don’t need you guys here.”

“If you think we’re going to let you wallow in self pity, think again,” AJ said. “So you fucked up. Shit, man, we all do! But we do our best to fix our mistakes, and that’s what you’ve gotta do. You can’t just let it end like this because I for one, am not going to be sympathetic towards you anymore in about 24 hours.”

Howie got to his feet, his anger rising.

“Just what the hell am I supposed to do, AJ? Huh? She’s NOT going to take me back! I can’t blame her either, for all the crap I pulled.”

AJ smacked the pillow against the sofa as he spoke. “You,” smack! “will get your ASS,” smack! “on the next plane going to Switzerland,” smack! “if I have to drag it on there myself!” Smack, smack!

Howie crossed his arms and dropped down onto the sofa. “I’d like to see you try.”

AJ made a growling noise and leapt at Howie, throwing the pillow aside. John ducked before it could hit him. Howie screamed as AJ landed on top of him, pushing him off the sofa and pinning him to the ground.

“AJ, get off me!” he yelled, pushing with all his might.

“Tell me you’ll go after her!”

Howie balled his hands into fists and lashed out, catching AJ on the ear. AJ cried out and buried his fist in Howie’s stomach.

“Guys! Come on, knock it off!” John’s voice thundered. He attempted to break it up, only to be kicked in the shin by Howie. He stumbled and fell, seriously pissed now.

“You bastard!” AJ yelled, grabbing hold of Howie’s ponytail and tugging.

“You tattooed freak!” Howie retaliated, poking AJ in the eye.

AJ fell back, one hand covering his eye, the other swinging wildly. Howie wiggled away, only to be attacked from behind by John. John wrapped both arms around Howie’s waist, holding him down until AJ could recover.

Howie growled and closed his teeth down around John’s fingers.

“Ahhhh!” John cried, letting go. “You bit me!”

The room suddenly got quiet as the realization of what they were doing sunk in. AJ was blinking rapidly, attempting to get his vision back while John rubbed at his sore hand. Howie held his stomach and felt to make sure his hair was still attached.

“Fine, you jerks,” he said, in between deep breaths. “I’ll go.”