Title: Life of My Own
Author: Jami Lynn
Chapter: 1, it's a song fic
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the wrestlers used in this story, 'cause if I did, I'd be busy with them right now *grin*. But I do own anyone else mentioned in the story, for they are the voices in my head, crying to get out. The song belongs to 3 Doors Down. And don't bother suing me...all you'd get is a half eaten ham sandwich and a bag of chips from 2 years ago.
Distribution: Ask me if you can use it, more than likely I will say yes.
Rating: So far, it's a PG-13
Content: Nothing bad as of yet, probably won't be anything to bad either....maybe some cussing.
Spoilers: Um...anything can happen and I'm just writing as I go, so I don't know yet *L*.
Summary: All Jeff wants is to be free.
Feedback: I need feedback like I need air! So give it to me, babee!
Email: just_call_me_snickers@hotmail.com
Jeff ran his hand through his blue hair, more out of habit then anything else. He looked around the ring. Then he glanced into the crowd. Everyone was moving in slow motion. Or what he moving in slow motion? He wasn't sure anymore.
His green eyes paused on a young girl, jumping up and down, slowly. So very slowly. He felt like he was watching a movie and someone had pushed the slow motion button. He wondered what the girls' story was. She couldn't have been more than fifteen years old. He didn't noticed anything else about her except her eyes.
Right now her blue eyes were wide in amazement as they followed his every move. But there was something else he found in them. Even from how far away he was from her, he could see it. A wish to escape. Escape from whatever it was that she called life.
He'd often seen the same thing in the green eyes staring back at him in the mirror.
***
Living risky, never scared, wander close to the edge
Nothing valued think no fear, always
wandering why you're here.
All your purposes are gone, nothing's right and
nothing's wrong.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Feel no sorrow, feel no pain.
***
Jeff was always looking for a means of escape. He had many outlets. He had wrestling, where he was able to get in front of all these people and be anyone he wanted to be.
He had his poetry. That was one of his true outlets. That's where he let his soul speak. When he couldn't speak what he felt, he wrote it. He was able to express himself without worrying about being condemned for feeling how he felt. Some of his poetry would never see another's eyes. It was for him, and him only.
He had his sculpting. Some people didn't understand that sometimes. But that was the great thing about art. You don't have to understand it, just feel it.
His other outlet was when he rode his motorbike. A lot of people didn't understand that one either. But it was creative in it's own right. When he made those jumps, he was flying. He felt like he could kiss the sky. He felt free. Sometimes that freedom came with a sacrifice of his body. But then, so didn't life?
***
Kiss me while I'm still alive,
Kiss me while I kiss the sky.
Let me die on my own terms, let me live
and let me learn.
Now I'll follow my own way, and I'll live to see
another damn day.
Freedom carries sacrifice, remember
when this was my life.
***
Jeff's eyes scanned the crowd again. This time they focused on a young boy, maybe seven years old. His toothless grin drew Jeff's attention. The boy was decked out in Hardy gear, from head to toe. His brown eyes looked right into Jeff's, and Jeff could feel the boys' innocense radiate from his gaze. He saluted the boy, before jumping.
This time, as the camera's flashed, he knew it was he who was going in slow motion. He closed his eyes as he felt the air slowly pass him on his way down. He didn't want to see where he wasy going. He only wanted to feel the moment. He wanted his soul to feel the moment. He was without fear. He felt alive. He felt free.
***
Looking foward, not behind
Everybody's got to cross that line
Free me now to give me a place
Keep me caged and free the beast.
Falling faster, time goes by, fear is not seen
through these eyes.
What there was will never be, now I'm
blind and cannot see.
***
Jeff kept falling. He felt like he'd always be in this state of suspended motion. Barely a second had passed, but his mind was thinking at a faster speed. He knew that soon his body would stop falling. More than likely it would be a painful stop. But right now he didn't care. He was kissing the sky. He was feeling so alive.
He wouldn't die from this fall, he had faith in that. And if he did, well, he would have died on his own terms. But he'd live. For a moment, when his body would hit the ring floor, he'd think he'd died. His heart would catch, his soul would still be flying. His soul would be free. But, freedom is a sacrifice of the body. He wasn't ready to sacrifice that just yet.
***
Kiss me while I'm still alive
Kiss me while I kiss the sky
Let me die on my own terms, let me live
and let me learn.
Now I'll follow my own way, and I'll live to see
another damn day.
Freedom carries sacrifice, remember
when this was my life
***
Finally Jeff hit the floor, hitting his intended target. Like he predicted, his heart stopped while his soul continued to fly. Then his soul joined his body as he rolled.
He had done it. He had survived another dangerous ladder jump. One that most feared. But not he. Not Jeff Hardy
***
Kiss me while I'm still alive
Kiss me while I kiss the sky
Let me die on my own terms, let me live
and let me learn.
Now I'll follow my own way, and I'll live to see
another damn day.
Freedom carries sacrifice, remember
when this was my life