Senseless Babbling

The EWS, sans Megan, are setting up the last minute details for Megan and Tomas' belated birthday party at the Brink of the Abyss, while Lex writes up a profuse apology for the lateness. (I honestly thought that the birthdays were the 24th and 26th! My bad!)

Kira: It's almost time to get Megan! What's the hold up?!

Lex: Hangon!Hangon! I'm almost done scrawling my apologies!

Jen: *laughs* I don't think Megan will be mad at you for THAT, Lex.

Sarah: Well, you can't blame her for trying, can you?

Ishte: You definitely can't fault her for trying. Now, who is going to retrieve Megan, and who is going to take care of the cake..and other things? *grins slyly*

Sarah: *raises her hand* I volunteer to go and get Megan.

Bel: *pipes up* Me too.

Lizz: *rubs hands together with a sinister expression on her face* I'll take care of the "other things"

Tifa: I'm almost done with the decorations over here! *waves*

Chibi: I'll go and round up the choir!

Jen: *smirks* I'll help you with that one...they might take a little coersion.

Ishte: I will come with the two of you.

Lex: I'll help you with the "other things" Lizz! Mwahahahahaha! *stops laughing and flashes her green doe eyes when everybody stares at her oddly*

Lyta: *looks around* I'll help Tifa with the decorations.

Kira: Hm, I'll grab the cake. It better be the right size!

Our evil heroines go about their business, while FLAW is trying to plan some semblance of a birthday party for Tomas.

Alex: Hehehe, you know, Tomas *is* eighteen now. We could always hire a strip-ow! *gets smacked upside the head by Travis*

Travis: But we wouldn't get to see anything for a couple of years.

Alex: Do you think that that's ever stopped me before? *grins* OW! *gets whacked upside the head by a passing Elena, heading over to the EWS party*

Jonas: Y'know, that wouldn't be such a bad idea...you two could stand guard against any assualts from the EWS, and the rest of us could have fun for once!

Abishai: *bounce-twitch* But we did have fun on our birthday! Wanna race to Tahiti again?

Frank: *injects Abishai with valium* Enough of this. We have to get something together for Tomas' birthday, and since we don't have a lot of funding, we may even have to rely on the generosity of the EWS.

All: *cringe*

Jen, Chibi and Ishte go hunting for victi--er, I mean VOLUNTEERS to sing happy birthday to Megan, and first hit Jen's Ramble Room.

Jen: *mysteriously her clothes become a general's military attire* CODE RED! WE NEED RECRUITS TO SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEGAN!

Tseng: Do we have to?

Reno: *shrugs* Screw it. *chugs back his beer* ACK! *is seized by the earlobe by Ishte*

Ishte: Listen young man, you are going to sing happy birthday to Megan, and you are going to be HAPPY about it.

Reno: But--

Ishte: Not another word!

Rude: *snickers until Chibi pulls him over by his ear*

Chibi: Don't think we forgot about YOU.

Jen: Well, I understand that Elena came willingly, Sephiroth was already at the Brink of the Abyss, and Rufus...is ready. *chuckles*

Chibi: I don't think we've got near enough members for the choir.

Jen: Too true! *grabs the entire cast of ff6afterlife* You don't have any objections to singing happy birthday to Megan, RIGHT?

Cast of FF6afterlife: *shakes their heads vigorously*

Edgar: None at all, so long as my love Duvessa is with me.

Duvessa: *smiles and stares into Edgar's eyes for a moment*

Jen: *sniffle* They're so cute!

Ishte: We should make FLAW come along for this as well. We were too nice to them last time.

Chibi: ALL RIGHT!

While Jen, Ishte and Chibi head off to FLAW's headquarters, Sarah and Bel make their way over to Furhold, and are stopped by Kata Taro at the gates.

Bel: Eep! *dodges a punch*

Megan: *comes running* Eee! Sorry about that! We've been having a little trouble here, you know?

Sarah: Keep up the good work Kat! *to Megan* Now, come on. We have to show you something.

Megan: *shrugs and comes along peacefully*

Jen, Chibi and Ishte continue their hunt for choir members...

Ishte: Hah! There's Vincent! *runs and tackles him* You're singing in the choir! No buts about it!

Vincent: *looks at her oddly* You know, you could have ASKED me.

Ishte: *sweatdrop* Yeah, but where's the fun in that? Uh heh heh....

Jen & Chibi: *smiling innocently at the cast of ff7* Please sing?

Cid: Do you think I want to hear that crap?! Do us all a favor, and don't make those $#&$*(& ers $&@#*($&* sing!

Ishte: *gets up and washes Cid's mouth out with soap*

Cid: -GLUB!-

Cloud: Uh, I'll sing.

Aeris: *snickers* He'll even sing in drag if you ask nicely!

Cloud: *turns beat red* You said you wouldn't say anything about that.

Chibi: So nice that we all came to an agreement. Now, on to FLAW!

Jen: Hmm...who else? Squall! You're singing!

Ishte: Lefty Squall! You too!

Squall & Lefty Squall: Whatever. *both look warily at the bar of soap* On second thought...

The members of FLAW are still busily trying to think of a plan of action for Tomas' birthday before he gets frusterated with tinkering with the IF Headquarters and storms over to let off steam, completely oblivious to the small army approaching. Suddenly, a smoke bomb is tossed in the center of the room, allowing their assailants to make a dramatic entrance. When the smoke clears, the assailants are revealed to be none other than Jen, Ishte and Chibi.

Jen: We're recruiting you to sing happy birthday to Megan.

Ishte: Resistance is futile.

Jonas: *counts* There's three of you, and five of us. We're already trying to figure out what to do to celebrate for Tomas' birthday! You and what army is going to make us sing happy birthday to Megan?

Chibi: *opens door, revealing cast of ff6afterlife, of FF7, and characters from various IFs* This one!

FLAW: Ack!

Frank: Can't we talk this over? We *do* have to do *something* for Tomas' birthday.

Jen: I think that Lex already has Tomas taken care of. *grins evilly*

Ishte: All of you, march!

Back at the Brink of the Abyss...

Tifa: It's about time!

Lyta: Well, we've got the balloons, streamers, confetti, and the tables all set. Anything else?

Tifa: I don't think so. *grumbles* Lex and Lizz got the most fun job....I've got to talk to my agent about this.

Lyta: *sweatdrop* You have an AGENT?

Tifa: *laughs* It was a joke! I don't want to be in charge of THAT!

Inside a place where most fear to tread, and only the most corrupt souls feel welcome...

Lex: Hmm...we've gone through both mine and your collections, Lizz. There is no thong that will ever suit him!

Lizz: *smirks* Maybe a teddie?

Rufus: *groans* No.....

Seifer: *to Sephiroth* This would be more interesting if THEY were the ones trying on the thongs, not him.

Sephiroth: *cracks a slight smile, but wisely remains silent*

Hotohori: Rufus, just get on with it.

Rufus: I don't suppose I could buy my way out of this, hmm? *looks hopeful*

Lex: Not a chance, Ruffie!

Lizz: *smacks him in the butt* Now get going!

Rufus: *goes to change, and comes out shortly afterwards, clad in an ice-blue teddie* Well?

Lex: Hmm...no. *runs over to the clothing department of the Brink of the Abyss and grabs a little item* Try this on!

Rufus: *eyes the garment* At least it's an improvement over teddies and thongs.

Seifer: Oh, but that ice blue is so...YOU! *rolls on the floor laughing*

Sephiroth: *snickers quietly*

Hotohori: *bursts into a fit of laughter*

Rufus: *emerges from the training room once again*

Lex and Lizz: Sweet!

Lizz: Aaalllll right Rufus!

Lex: Looking good, baby! *smirks as Rufus blushes*

Rufus: I do look good, don't I?

Lex: -BOP!- We meant that it was an improvement, you knob! *deflates some of his ego so that he'll fit in a tight squeeze*

Lizz: Okay Wild, we've got only one last detail to take care of. You get Rufus over to Kira, and catch up to me! *snags some lingerie as she goes*

Lex: Mwahahaha! Come on Rufus! Gentlemen...ahem! *is carried on the shoulders of Sephiroth and Seifer while Hotohori pokes Rufus in the rear with his sword whenever he slows down pace*

At the Brink of the Abyss bakery...

Kira: *smashes palm against forehead* When I said I wanted a big cake, I meant I wanted an enormous one! And I wanted it hollow, you dolt!

Baker: I'm sorry, Evil one, but this is the best I can do.

Kira: *sees Lex's little procession coming out of the corner of her eye, and ignites Obi-wan's lightsabre* Perhaps you should do better...Lex is coming, and she isn't as forgiving as I am.

Baker: *whips up the correct cake within two minutes before passing out*

Kira: Excellent....

Lex: Hey Kira! *waves from her position on S & S's shoulders* The cake looks great! I assume you know what to do.

Kira: *rubs her hands together* Yes...

Lex: Good! I'll leave Hotohori and Seifer with you in case Rufus objects.

Rufus: *scowls*

Lex: *leaps down off of S & S's shoulders, and has Sephiroth piggy-back her* Now to the IF headquarters....

At the IF headquarters...

Lizz: Oh, sex kitten! Here, kitty kitty kitty!

Tomas: *peeks out from his corner of the world* Lizz!

Lizz: *pulls a black lacy catsuit out of her bag*

Tomas: Uh...er!

Lex: *a few feet away with Sephiroth, whispers* Great! She's got him distracted perfectly!

Lex and Sephiroth sneak up behind Tomas while Lizz displays her extensive collection of lingerie, and tie him up.

Lizz: Yee! I didn't know he was into that kind of thing! *laughs*

Lex: What? The group thing, or bondage?

Sephiroth: As interesting a discussion this would undoubtebly become, let us return to the Brink of the Abyss. *hefts Tomas over his shoulder*

Now, everyone is gathered at the BotA, ready to set the final plans in motion. First, in the tradition of "ladies first", it's time to sing Happy Birthday to Megan, and give her a special "birthday surprise" The choir has all had plenty of opportunity to practice, and now Lex's evil plan is coming into fruition.

All: *singing beautifully* Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Megan, happy birthday to you!!!!

As everyone else sings, Hotohori rolls out Megan's gigantic cake, before running for cover. Once the melody concludes, the cake twitches for a moment, before none other than Rufus Shinra pops out, clad in silk boxers with a thousand dollar bill print on them.

Megan: Yeek!!!! *turns bright red*

Rufus: *dances around, shaking his thang*

Kira: *blinks* Er...he really seems to be getting into this!

FLAW: Why did WE have to see this?

Tomas: Please say that this wasn't my birthday present as well.

Lex: Just wait until you see what I have in store for you...

Tomas: *cringes*

Rufus: *finishes* All right, I did it. *turns to Megan* Happy birthday. Feel free to donate money towards my personal "missing dignity" fund. *walks away*

Elena: Yow, Rufus!

Megan: *still red* Um....thanks everybody...uh..

Lex: Hee hee! You're welcome Megan! Just don't say I didn't warn you! Now, let's bring out Tomas' present, part one being concealed in my closet of no return.

Locke Cole of FF6 is wheeled out by Seifer and Sephiroth, attached to an enormous exploding rocket.

Locke: Help!

Kira: Allow me to do the honors.

Jen: No, me!

Kira: *lights a match, barely giving Seifer and Sephiroth enough time to run away, and ignites the rocket*

Locke: Goodbye cruel woooorrrrlllddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *is sent somewhere into the atmosphere* BOOOOM!!!!!

Tomas: That was my present! Whee hee! I like it!

Lex: Consider it a public service. I decided to give you a false sense of security by being nice to you on your birthday. Now for the second part....

All: Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Tomas, happy birthday to you!!!

A mysterious cake somehow moves itself in front of Tomas, while the EWS regard it with confusion.

Lyta: psst! Lex! This wasn't supposed to happen, was it?

Lex: *shakes her head* No, no it wasn't.....

Jen: Then who/what is moving that cake?

The confused chatter is suddenly interrupted by a popping noise, as a horrid site is revealed to all.

Lizz: Ack! It's Scarlet in the buff!

EWS, FLAW, and all other characters: OH, THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *all faint from disgust, and possibly from exposure to various..diseases....*

Scarlet: Hmph! Some party!

THE END

Ps. I am really sorry for the lateness of this ramble!

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