Miscellaneous Virtua Fighter Stuff

All right, here's just miscellaneous Virtua Fighter stuff. I partially got this idea from ElDragon7, who asked for a page about VF4 (it's not out yet...there's no oficial info), just readers' comments on what they'd like to see. Well, I wrote this long and humorous VF story as what would be the endings to VF3...the VF4 stories. This isn't actually what I'd like to see; this is just what I thought would be funny. So if anyone else has some VF4 thoughts or general comments or stories, or just anything in general, email me (or leave it on the guestbook) and I'll post it here. Got it?


WARNING: This story contains some material possibly offensive to some people, including references to violence, drugs, and sexual relations. Read at your own risk.

Akira battles Aoi in the first round and easily overcomes her. She couldn't fight him well for 2 reasons: 1)She was too dazed by his appearance and her love for him to fight, and 2) she was so young she just wasn't very good. Akira goes on to win the whole tournament, but luckily for Aoi, he falls in love with her (partly because he pities her) and they get married (or whatever they do over in Japan). Akira realizes that there's no point to fighting anymore; and that he's already proven himself. His father, who turns out to be Siba (is that spelled right?) from Megamix (remember the Akira cabinet art by Sega of America from VF1?), disagrees, and joins the tournament in VF4 as the last user of Hakyokuken (possibly replacing Akira?). Aoi decides fighting sucks, and joins a bunch of groups to end domestic violence, which Akira sheepishly encourages.

Meanwhile, Lion was also defeated very early in the tournament, by Kage once again, also due to his age--he can't fight as well as the more experienced ones, either. However, since he's a Westerner from Europe and not Asian like Aoi, he has that smug, "I don't care." attitude, and turns to narcotics. He decides that praying mantis style sucks, and was hearded quoted as saying of the praying mantis style, "C'est tres bete! Je prefere cocaine!" (That's in French; in case you can't read it that means, "It's very silly. I prefer cocaine." Duh.) He begins training under Shun, since he also likes underage drinking. He decides Shun's techniques are far superior to all the other fighers (Lion can no longer resist the temptation of alchohol, in any way, shape, or form...even in fighting), but Shun had been an alchoholic for far too long to fight well, and was under the influence too greatly while fighting. But being immature, Lion thinks he's younger and hasn't been drinking as long, so he can still fight, and he'll stop so he's not too hungover and getting drunker while fighting.

Sarah, at first seeing him as a possible love interest but then only as a possibly limitless supply of drugs, falls in love with Lion, and they live happily (and drunkenly) ever after. Almost.

You see, in the last round, Kage fought Akira. Akira barely won. What happened was Kage did a really stupid move to jump into the air and flip backwards with his legs out (the move has a preposterous name like a "kickflip" or something. What's with that? heh,heh). Akira easily dodged the kick and as Kage slowly floated back to the ground due to his puffy pants (As he thought, "Damn, I shoulda worn the Michael Jackson disco outfit #2 for this round!") Akira managed a stun palm of doom on his side, to win the tourny. Kage is very happy, though, and believes he could've defeated Akira if not for that one blunder (wearing idiotic pants was the blunder), and begins more training to prepare for the next tourny, which he's sure he'll win since Akira's not in it. Sarah also takes some liking to this man who can actually do something well, (she's especially particular to the stupid kickflip) unlike Lion...so Sarah 2-times Lion. He eventually finds out, but Kage is so happy, and Lion is so stoned, neither one cares.

Jacky, after losing to Kage right before Kage lost to Akira, becomes furious. He couldn't beat Kage by doing rapid punches and kicks forward, which worked on almost everyone else. (Jacky's incredibly low American mentality cannot comprehend this concept.) Kage somehow escaped them and kept throwing Jacky and slamming him to the ground and punching him on the way down, basically showing off flashy jujitsu (and partly ninjitsu) skills. Jacky's extremely upset that after he rescues his sister, she runs off with two men and doesn't show thanks. He thinks with his stupid twisted American logic that if his sister doesn't like him, no other woman ever would. Jacky's the stupid American who can't tell the difference between anything, remember. (Hey, waitaminute, I'm an American!) So Jacky turns gay (unless he already was and just didn't realize it till then, or finally comes out of the closet, or the racecar, or whatever) and, finally seeing Taka for the big man that he is (literally), they run off together and live happily ever after until they both fall off a sumo ring in their sleep and are injured but not killed. (Taka's humongous mounds of bodyfat protect him mostly but don't do much to help the half-asleep Jacky trapped between...well, I'll leave that up to your imagination. The sicker you are, the sicker the story.)

Jeffry lost somewhere in the middle of the tournament so he didn't receive any prize money for the first three places. He's incredibly disappointed at finding out that even after entering three martial arts tournaments, fisherman can't fight worth a !@#$. (Though they do put up pretty good battles against six-inch-long guppies!) He decides that to enter again would be suicide (at least for his dignity) so he manages to encourage Akira to give him the money Akira won for being first place. Akira really has no need for the money since he's so naive (remember, he has no social life...he spent the first 30 years of his life training to fight...what could Aoi possibly see in him?) that he convinced himself he sees everything he could ever need in Aoi, and he forces himself to be totally happy with his lifestyle. So Jeffry takes Akira's money and goes and buys/builds a new boat and equipment to take on the famous satan shark. Though it still holds true that Aussie fisherman can't fight well, an animal as a primal force of nature is no match for technology. Using some stupid James Bond-esque gadgets, Jeffry kills the shark (barely winning). But he feels empty. In a way, he cheated. (Okay, he really did cheat!) And he's left watching one of nature's beautiful creatures helplessly dying in the middle of the water. It repulses him. So he goes back to Akira (after taking forever swimming back to shore since his darn boat broke again, and he realized the trials sharks must go through--swimming...man, that's tough!) , and decides to join him on his quest for non-violence (which Aoi gladly welcomes since she's now surrounded by two previously violent men.)

Pai and Lau meet again in the tournament but this time the results are different. Lau still being furious with his daughter opens up the round with a blinding rage or punches, jabs, chops, knife-hands, and whatever other name anyone could think of for stupid little hand motions. Pai, in an instant of genious, evades, and Lau's momentum carries him tumbling off the Great Wall of China to his death. Pai is enraged that she didn't defeat her father (he defeated himself) and now will never have a chance to. But she is still grief-stricken that her father died and is immediately defeated afterwards by Wolf (she was in such a daze she couldn't punch fast enough, and, that being her only strong point, lead to her immediate defeat). She forgives her father for all his evil deeds to her families, and decides to carry on his legacy of cooking. However, she decides that no more will she give up her own wishes for Lau's, so she combines them. But instead of being an actress in movies, she has cooking shows on public access cable, broadcast from the Chan diner. And Pai goes and pays her final respects to her mother over her grave. Only in the death of all but the daughter can their family finally be mended (it was messed up from the start, trust me...)

Wolf lost to Jacky, just barely, just before Jacky lost to Kage, just before Kage lost to the now-peace-loving Akira (whew...). Wolf insists the only reason for his defeat to such a punk is that since he's a professional wrestler he was not used to opponents doing such quick punches and kicks, moronic as they are. Wolf simply hadn't had the brains to train for a martial arts tournament in any other way than wrestling, when he was the only wrestler in the tournament. Go figure. Now that doesn't make sense. (He must have been pile-drivered onto his head one too many times.) He's disappointed he didn't get to have that one last fight with his friend/rival Akira. And now he won't since Akira's peaceful. But being the weird Canadian lumberjack/wrestler/hunter that he is (man, I do not want to meet this guy!), he goes back to Canada to keep on wrestling and hunting and lumberjacking (ugh, that doesn't sound right). Though he didn't get to the end, he almost did, and is satisfied. He is still famous in Canada and is not humiliated by his defeat of an American, since Canadaians and Americans are mutual enemies, and the Canadians would never actually believe there is an American who defeated a Canadian, so they also believe Wolf's excuse of not training right. (Which he didn't, simply because Canadians are stupid. heh, heh...man I know I'm going to get trashed for saying that.) Of everyone in the tournament, Wolf is the only one who came out having a successful, decent life. Just goes to show being a weird Canadian isn't all bad.

But after a few months, Akira mysteriously disappears. There are rumors he was kidnapped by the Syndicate (which organized the tournament?). But he has no jerk older sibling to try to rescue him. He returns a week later in a wheelchair, with broken wrists, ankles, and elbows. He tells a story of being held by the syndicate and forced to fight Dural. When he tried to stun palm of doom and dragon lance ceremony her, he broke his limbs because she was made of metal. Not even Hakkyoku-ken can overcome an opponent like that. However, he still defeated Dural since his moves were so good that when she tried to process them to copy she shorted out. But in the very end, there were rumors that Akira had grown incredibly lonely with a life of no fighting (since he had devoted thirty years to exactly that), and just went off by himself for a week and fought himself, since he couldn't bear to do harm to any other human being. If that was true, he didn't beat himself up very well since he hadn't trained for months (a huge change after usually training twenty-five hours a day); he made a miraculous full recovery in the following week, since he had trained his body to perfection.

And on a side note, just so the tale can end happy, Kage finds out that Dural is a robot, not his mother, when he hears of Akira's odd triumph over the machine. His mother hadn't disappeared, but had died naturally off in the woods. The syndicate had found her and simply modeled their robot after her, but left her to her natural grave. Hey, there actually is some humanity left in a group that organizes a tournament where people beat each other up.

Well I hope you like it. Any feedback would be appreciated...mail me at jarisky@hotmail.com.

PyroGuy's VF Page
PyroGuy's Video Games Page
Frames Page
No-Frames Page
Index Page