The camera opens on the Golden Nugget Riverboat and Casino from a distance shot. Slowly, it closes in. The lights are out, as it is docked right now for minor construction changes. The boat stands as a giant sentinel against the night. Crickets are heard in the background as the camera slowly pulls forward. Stepping up onto the dock of the boat, a creak is heard somewhere in the distance. The camera searches through the shadows. Approaching the captain's booth, the creak is heard again. The door opens. From within the shadows, two red beacons of eyes flare up, drawing all attention. The view shakes for a moment with the cameraman's intimidation. Above Average Man steps forward out of the shadows, with a red penlight held up on either side of his head. He turns back and forth, projecting the red eyes image across the room before shutting them off with an audable click. Above Average Man pockets the penlights into his expensive looking black dress slacks. He wears a shirt that reads "SOE [read as "so"] what if we're a thing of the past". Above Average Man looks to the left. Then the right. He licks his lips in preparation to speak.
The Cremlin: Here I am, at yet another casino. As you can tell, gambling is an important part of my people's culture. I center my entire being around it. Without it, I wouldn't be able to support expensive tastes in everything. Because we all know that the Dark Side is actually a bunch of rich guys who sit back on the weekends playing golf and drinking tea. But we're not all that bad. As a matter of fact, I'm probably the nicest minister of evil you'll ever meet. Maybe that's why I'm the most targeted World Champion of all time. Maybe it's because I give title shots to anyone who asks. Or maybe it's because everyone saw me do the JOB for Agent. But I'd say it's probably just because I'm naturally one of those people that's just such a living contradiction that you just can't help but want to attack me. Either that, or because I flaunt my World Title.
Cremlin pulls the US Title over his shoulder, but it has a picture of a World Globe taped over the US flag. The Cremlin hangs it in front of the camera, smiling like a kid with a fancy toy.
The Cremlin: As you can see, I'm the World Champ and you're not. So nyah! And since I only have to defend the title every five cards, I'm only going to defend it every five cards. That means that contendership won't mean anything, because I've got a line of dozens of people waiting, and you'll only see me in the ring twice in an active month. Other than that, I'll pull my great Dark Side disappearing act. Ooga Booga Boo. Now there is a man who the US Champion. And he says he would like a shot at my title. If I ever remember what his name is, I'll add him as number thirty-seven in line for a World Title shot, dispite the fact he's the number two contender. And he would be number one, except he chose stupidly to let the Giant in front of him in line again. I guess it's true. Horsemen don't fight Horsemen. What a concept. I could never master the idea of not beating up my stablemates and tag-team partners. I wonder if that's why I switch partners twice a month. Hmmm. Nah.
The Cremlin: US Champion, whoever you are, you are not yet reading to face the nice guy/dark side. I shall unleash my armies of evil creatures on you.
Various eyes flicker open behind him. He bellows a maniacal laugh, but ends it with a tee hee, killing it's evil effect.
The Cremlin: They have suffered the torment of a thousand years of ritzy dinners and black tie affairs.
Juvi pops out from behind Cremlin, wearing a tuxedo and a wolfman mask. Cremlin laughs.
The Cremlin: So little guy who I'm too important to notice, just step up to the gates of the nicest hell imaginable, and I'll crush you to maintain my World Title. You'll get your shot in exactly... seven years, three months, and fifteen days. So you'd best be prepared.
So It Is Written, So It Shall Come To Pass. Quoth The Rav-, Oops, I cut it off there.
Above Average Man: Kremlin, you can't dodge me any longer. I'm coming for what's mine. I'm getting the shot I should have had a long time ago. Back your bags, you're going for a long trip down to the bottom.
The sod has spoken