And Then There is Heroes
Topic: R-Dead Television Report
It is ridiculous how good Heroes is! Five years in a possible future, DL is dead, Candace is dead, Sylar is Nathan and has Candace's and DL's powers and all the other people he's killed along the way, including Nathan and Claire!

The Heroes have chosen sides out of necessity. Mohinder is working for Sylar again and doesn't know it, AGAIN! Peter was the exploding man and had the lovely facial scar to prove it. And doesn't Peter get all the hottest girls? First Simone and in the possible future Nikki. And his powers rock! (And I just have to mention again, I'm stoked for Milo Ventimiglio for this awesome role, for waiting it out and not running back to Gilmore Girls when all the other roles he tried didn't pan out. Belief in your talent and powers! I'm working on it.)

And the war between Peter and Sylar. "Brother against brother, this is biblical." I screamed!

Hiro meeting Hiro. Bennett helping newer Heroes to go into hiding.

Crazy!

I think we have three more episodes before the season finishes. What the heck do we do until the next season starts? Lord only knows. Have a life maybe? And eat! I'm hungry.

EY

Last Week's Grey's
Topic: R-Dead Television Report
Saturday 10:25am 5May07

Okay so I decided to post my little rant from last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy:

I was hoping that they weren't going to go down that route with McDreamy. He's always pushed the relationship with Meredith. When she pulled back from him after their one night stand because a) it was a one off and b) he was one of her bosses. He pushed it to continue. She never claimed to be easy to love. She's always known that she has intimacy issues.

But she went along with his coercion and started to fall for him. Then she gets the previously still married surprise. She fell apart in Meredith's way of falling apart and somehow got McDreamy back. Again she showed that level of distance. After their first real fight she showed that level of insecurity because she'd never done this before. She'd never stayed. And he promised her that no matter how many yelling matches they would endure he would still show up every night because this is what love is ... showing up, being present, committing.

Now that she's in it. Now that she's committing. Now that she's opening herself up, he's pulling back. He's worried about losing out on becoming chief. He feels like he's losing his edge and he's looking around for blame and blaming Meredith. Now isn't that exactly what some men do and don't they crush a woman's heart in the end?

If he's losing his edge it's not because of Meredith, it's because he never had the edge to begin with. Why can't he be a good surgeon and a great boyfriend at the same time? Why does it have to be an either or proposition?

I like how Grey's Anatomy pulls out these issues that feel like real life. The questions that make me look back at my male choices. The times that I was aloof out of fear and when I finally gave in , my heart got stomped flat by a steamroller. And all you can tell yourself when all goes really wrong is Why didn't I continue to hold myself back? Then I wouldn't be in this predicament, wishing him back or wishing myself forward into the healthy heart land where the emotions aren't a mess and the man is just a memory. But we can't hold ourselves back forever, can we? We have to give our hearts to someone sometime.

And doesn't mcDreamy pick a fine time to pull this shit? When Meredith has the big exam to prepare for? Not that you can ever time these things well but seriously? Seriously?

EY

Grey's Anatomy
Topic: R-Dead Television Report
Saturday 9:22am 5May07

I haven't had a good Grey's Anatomy rant in a long while. Well, not since they killed Meredith. I wrote up a long piece last week about Meredith and McDreamy and never posted it here. Maybe I still need to. It was in a nutshell about men that get women to let go and give in to a relationship and just when a woman gets comfy the guy goes and says, "I can't breathe for you."
He can't breathe for her. Dammit! Meredith was going along in her dark and twisty way and now that she has a near death experience and is finding a new way to look at her life, now he's going to bail? I love McDreamy, he was raised by women, he believes in love, why bail now? Why?

And now Meredith's almost step mother is dead and her father slaps her and McDreamy looks upset because Meredith said, "Not now." *sigh*
Isn't that just like life sometimes? You try to be a little less dark and twisty and things keep happening to drag you back! It's like drowning in your own life. You don't believe that the love thing is for you when you've had so much bad luck with it. You finally try to believe, hope, expect and does it really have to slap you down again? *Sigh* Ah what the fuck *Sigh* again!

I think I needed Meredith and Derek's relationship to be the one to develop forward. I need it to prove to me that despite being dark and twisty inside, you can slowly trust. I need the relationship to develop step by step by step. There's enough bad things that can happen to Meredith can't she just have the one love, finally?
Maybe Burke's and Christina's love is going to be the one to develop through the step by step by step process. Christina needs the love as much as Meredith does, for sure. And I love Christina but she doesn't have the soul crushing hurt that Meredith is so good at hiding or drinking away. Christina has the fear of giving and the expectations of a woman in a relationship. But Meredith needs the love that could help her to heal. How the hell is she going to find it now when almost step mother is dead and never been father has slapped her and Derek doesn't know whether he's coming or going or just breathing heavy?

The Addison show was kind of fun. I loved all the characters. I'm not a huge fan of Taye Diggs but I liked him in that role. "Don't talk about your penis when you are hugging a man."
The three women sitting in the waiting room for surfer board receptionist to come by chest exposed, made me weak. I need to find a place like that to sit for inspiration. ha ha! Love the Tim Daly character and the kiss he gave Addison. I'll follow her and see where it takes us. If I could up and leave, I'd do it. Start anew, blank slate, leaving behind the heartbreaks, forgetting about the disappointments. Maybe, sometimes running away is the only option.

And back to Seattle Grace and Izzie and George. I've never been in a position of accidentally drunkenly sleeping with my best friend. And my best friend is male!

I never got how a group that hangs out together ends up sleeping together over the years. You know like in high school when a group of guys and girls hang out together and Rick sleeps with Susan for about five months. Then Susan sleeps with Tommy for eight months, while Rick is sleeping with Wanda and they've all been hanging together since grade five or something. I don't get it but then I've never gone out with a girlfriends ex boyfriend, nor have I ever gone out with one brother then gone out with the other brother. I just believe there has to be some boundaries. Maybe I'm the dumb one, maybe I'd have more options, but it just seems dirty to me.

And there's something else that I can't seem to articulate. There has to be something that you stand for when you get into a relationship. And it has to be something more than just fucking. Way back years ago, my best friend and I had a discussion about being sexually attracted to each other. You have to face these things when you are best friends and are of the opposite sex because it's in the denial that the problems start. I had gone out with his brother three or so years earlier. My best friend and I discussed our sexual attraction and the what ifs. I said that I'd never consider sleeping with a brother of an ex unless we were talking marriage. We'd basically have to be engaged before I'd even consider the sexual act. "If we're going to possibly ruin our relationships with your brother and possibly ruin our own friendship, then we'd have to be serious (for the rest of our lives serious)"

So Izzie and George are reaping the rewards of drunken, thoughtless sex. He's guilt ridden and realizes that he loves Izzie and Callie and that he doesn't believe in divorce and that his marriage and his sexual tryst with Izzie wasn't thought out. And Izzie is still stinging from the death of Denny and realizes that the only man she could love now is George and she's had a taste and she can't have another one. And it's all fine when she thinks that Callie is the wrong person for George but it's not that easy when she has to face the fact that Callie is a real person, with feelings, who loves George as her McDreamy. You can't take that sex thing lightly, it'll fuck you right up.
But boy that kiss between George and Izzie in the elevator was the big triple *sigh*! It is the big good bye, this can't happen again. It was the last time you make love to each other when your relationship has come to an end and you know it's the end. It was the, "If things were different, things would be different," acknowledgment. It was admittedly heartbreaking and damn hot!

EY

Universe/Page of Wands
Topic: Tarot Card of the Day
Last night I pulled the Universe from the Thoth tarot and this morning I pulled the Page of Wands from the Universal Waite Tarot.
The Universe could be having the world in my hand, realizing my goals, finding a beautiful solution, using a gift or talent. Having the world in my hands. Accomplishment - knowing that we have goals and are moving toward them successfully.
It inspired me to pull a bunch of books off my shelves to help to motivate me with my novel. Anything to jump start my direction. Yeah yeah I still have to read those 8 or 9 binders filled with notes and chapters and scenes but I still want to write in the meantime. The act of putting words to paper keeps me in touch with my characters. I opened, Writing the Breakout Novel to a random page and got into looking at my top three favorite novels and what they have in common. My top three novels are The Great Gatsby, Five Smooth Stones, the Third Life of Grange Copeland and I threw the Color Purple in there even though it made it four novels. Somehow reading the examples in Writing the Breakout novel and thinking about these novels at the same time really clicked in my mind. I came up with the two questions (the true premise) that the whole novel is trying to answer. A question pertaining to Rachel and Kali and a question pertaining to Rachel. It's Kali's story but her story is based on how she sees herself because of Rachel.
I actually said out loud, "Oh my God!" Rachel's questions make her human and flawed and well meaning and just because we're well meaning doesn't mean that outcome is always perfect or what we expect.
Now I feel that I can read through all my notes and chapters and scenes looking for examples of those two questions being portrayed. The Universe, I've got my novel world in the palm of my hands.

The Page of Wands - be creative, be enthusiastic, be confident, be courageous.
Can I just say that I wanted to call in sick to work so badly this morning so I could stay home and work on my novel. As the French would say, Thanks God it's Friday!"
On the Learning Tarot site the first action is take a novel approach. ha ha! take a novel approach to my novel.
So I am the Page of Wands pertaining to White Wishes, I've come up with a solution, jumping in wholeheartedly, excited, optimistic, saying/ screaming, "Yes I can!". I know that where there's a will there's a way.

EY/ SW

Going crazy?
Topic: WC - Daily Practice


Friday 5:26pm 4May07

Sometimes it seems like people are going crazy. I wonder how some people get away with the shit that they get away with. How do you go to work and do a half assed job and not put the proper effort in to communicate when it's been mentioned that the powers that be want open lines of communication? It must be that lower expectations are placed on them because they've never risen up to the challenge. But then how can you be pissed when you are repeatedly passed over for promotions? Cause and effect.

Anyway it's the weekend and the weather feels a tad warmer. That cold chill is finally gone. The hotter temperatures will show up come Monday, dontcha know! I wonder who will call in sick on Monday just for that extra day. I can never do it because I'm always scared that someone would see my ass rollerblading on a faux sick day. Then my ass would be grass. I can't deal with that pressure.

Going out tonight for Yan Yan's birthday. The big attempt is to spend under $30. I can get three good beer out of that depending how expensive the place is. It's too late to eat something by the time we all meet up so I'll be doing dinner here at home. I had a Freudian slip and originally wrote, it's too late to eat someone... I wonder what that means!

Apparently a friend of a friend took the picture of the fawn who'd gone off on its own and met up with the horses. Some how the horses were mindful and didn't trample the little fawn. After they'd left the area, the mama came to lead her baby back. How cute is that?

EY