Skylark
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Saturday 7:04am 30Sept06

The last day of this God Forsaken month! Glad to be rid of you.
I wake up each morning to a number of alarms including my stereo playing CHFI. As long as I press the volume the music will keep playing until I turn off the stereo. If I don't, the music stops in an hour.

Anyway this morning I got to hear one of my favorite songs (was Mom's too) Wildflower by Skylark. It was the first recorded music by David Foster. I can't remember if he was in the group or if he just produced the music. Of course they have many versions of the song on itunes but not the original. sigh! Looks like I'll have to buy the album off Amazon. When I was a kid, it was one of the songs that my mother would get me to sing. That and Firefly by the Temptations.

My Saturday morning ritual includes watching Murder she wrote. Which is on now. I don't know why I love it but I do. It reminds me of the old mysteries that my mom and I watched when I was a kid. Sentimental girlfish.

Active dreams last night, must be all the thoughts that are running rampant through my mind. I was a performer and left one manager, after he threw me off a balcony and went to a new manager who wanted me for more than my vocal skills. Strange.

I kept waking up finding Picasso in a new perch just sitting and staring at me. I must have been moving around a lot in my sleep. When Quincy was a kitten she used to just sit on my bed staring at me too. I'd wake up and wonder how long she'd been watching me. Did she sleep? Did she sit watching me all night? Did she get up just as I was rousing and get prepared to stare? Strange little critters.

Going to go for a walk for about an hour after Murder She Wrote then start my writing day. It feels like a soup kind of day...

EY

Love/hate - Dedicated to R.Mac
Mood:  chatty
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
5:05pm Friday 29Sept06

A tenant called me today and asked, "Are you in love?"
She was surprised that I was so relaxed about a booking and allowing multiple people to share when I'm normally such a "hard ass".
I admitted that one of the guys I'd let in was simply because he's so darn cute I had to let it slide. "But the moment someone takes advantage, they will get to see the hard ass Shelley."
"I hate you," she said, "well that's not true."
"You hate me with a little love in your heart or you love me with a little hate in your heart?"
"You're a writer, come up with something and dedicate it to me on your blog."
And so I dedicate this entry to you Miss Mac. Woman who works on the bottom bunk of bunk desks and the lady that works on the top bunk who doesn't wear underwear. That still cracks me up.

Another cocooning weekend goes awry. I might want to get back to using a daytimer. I forgot that this Saturday is Nuit Blanche. The all night art show across the T dot. My favorite Aquarius man ever, Goldfish, You got any twos, will be my date. We seem to have an outdoor thing going on us two. We went to Dusk dances this summer which was a melange of outdoor dance performances in Dufferin park. Funny this Aquarius man doesn't shun this mushy loving girl Pisces fish. But that story is becoming the distant past anyway. Don't start what you can't finish. You can't make everyone love you...

So tonight will be hard writing night. With the all nighter that I'll be pulling tomorrow I'll be coma girl all day Sunday. Any hot chefs that could come over and cook a hot meal for me on Coma day? Yes? No? I can't pay but as my mother used to say, "You're so cute, when you're sleeping." ha ha

It's funny that all these activities are popping up. It's good too because September was a bitch of a month for me. I'll be happy to see the back end of that. It was my most harsh month of the year. So I've actually been quite lucky. Used to be a time when I had one good month a year. If it's going to be one bad month a year, I'll deal.

My pedometer died this morning. I was pretty bitter. Had to pull out my old Special K pedometer that doesn't tell me my aerobic steps. Went to Shoppers to buy another one and the cashier kept saying, "Yes thermometers are over by the pharmacy." sigh!
Bought an identical model at Pharma Plus instead. Paid 5 bucks more than the original that died. Can we spell PISSED? Will have to get the battery changed on my old one some time soon so I've got back up. Can't be without my pedometer. Especially with all the walking Goldfish and I will be doing tomorrow.

There's even an all night swim which might come in handy when we get giddy with fatigue. Still trying to decide how I'm going to dress for it. What layers can I get into that doesn't leave me all bulked up yet keeps me warm. So many things a freezing tropical girl fish has to worry about. I'll need to carry a bag of munchies too. A girl fish has to eat.

Was a restless silly kind of day. Silly because generally any day with my boys is a silly day. Restless because I was still thinking about you. The you that refuses to leave my system. The you that still creeps into my dreams even though I have far more attentive you's in my environment. I wonder why that is? Can I creep into your subconscious? Is that possible? Like you'd ever tell if I had any kind of power. Like I would ever ask you anyway. I showed up twice in good faith you keep to a secret schedule.

I roamed around the building focusing on my reading material giving my thoughts something else to chew on. Went to my special place in one of the other buildings to relax. It didn't help that I had no contact with The Guy. He's been too busy with the end of his project hanging over his head like a ticking bomb. I stay at the sidelines knowing full well what that kind of stress feels like. It's harder for me to just pop in and make an appearance now that the walls are up and the activity is at a maximum. Hard hats and steel toes are mandatory and I wear neither. Our coffee break schedules have been off kilter. Every time we try to take a moment to talk to each other people show up out of thin air to interrupt.

I don't know if this will turn into anything major so I keep my options open. Something I never used to do. Something I hadn't done with You. Put all my eggs in the basket of You believing that you had the real potential. In lust with your gentleness. I lie to no one pulling a Meredith Grey and not making a choice right away but trying out that concept of getting to know people and dating. Even though The Guy gets the bulk of my attention.

The cats have been sleeping too much to the point that I'm considering getting them a little brother or sister to drive them nuts. And for them to treat as a cat toy. I think they party all day long while I'm at work making cat food. Yesterday it smelled like cooked meat when I got home. I wondered if they'd had a cat BBQ with the other felines in the building. You never know. In another time space continuum cats can BBQ. Imagine, I don't even do drugs!

My bottle of Rosemount has been calling me for weeks. I keep planning to come home to crack it open and have a wee glass but something always stops me. Perhaps Thanksgiving will be my weekend of cocoon with a glass or two of Rosemount and my books and writing and a cocoon companion that the cats like after they mock him first. Of course he'd have to understand that there are certain boundaries that couldn't be crossed.

Tonight, I need to work on White Wishes. Get some reading done. I need to get to my digital recordings in case I get some brilliant ideas during Nuit Blanche. Well, carry a notebook and the recorder. Like to keep my options open.

EY

Ugly Betty
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
5:51am Friday 29Sept06

So I watched Ugly Betty last night. I wasn't going to. I distinctly said that I wasn't really going to pick up any new shows this season. Grey's Anatomy was a repeat of sorts (They played two different episodes last week and the same two this week) so I thought well I'll check out a few minutes of Ugly and move on. Didn't move on. Loved it to bits. Loved Vanessa Williams. Loved the lead girl, Betty. Loved all the characters. Almost cried when she came out to the shoot in that dominatrix outfit and every one started laughing at her. sigh!

Just found out that it's produced by Salma Hayek, my secret lesbian crush. There used to be a group of us that all emailed each other. It got started by a friend KRE who travels the world working all the film festivals and sends these mass emails of what she's up, celebrities she meets etc. For whatever reason everyone on the list started hitting reply all and we all started chatting. Some of us knew each other most of us didn't. We were all at work and we'd shoot off emails when we could sneak a moment. One day, one of the women on the list asked the other women, who is your secret lesbian crush? Who is the one female celebrity that turns you on so much that you'd consider having a lesbian relationship with her. Every woman has one.

Salma Hayek is mine. She's smart, personable, loyal to her friends and family. She started her own production company instead of complaining that there was a lack of parts for Latinas. A go getter. My kind of person. Physically she is so beautiful, a body that doesn't quit. I said that I would even lick her toes and I hate feet. Most of the other women chose Angelina Jolie. They liked her intensity and how she oozes sexuality.

Another topic that we covered with zeal was discussing what our last dinner would be. Raq had found a website that showed what people on death row had chosen as their last meal. Raq asked, what would your last meal be. Tish kept lecturing us about how offensive the discussion was. Yes, Tish we know it's offensive, so what would your last meal be?

So I'll be watching Ugly Betty, because it's good and because Salma Hayek is producing it and because I can catch Grey's Anatomy on CBS. sigh!

TGIF! Cocoon weekend I think! I'm about ready for that cocoon companion. I'll see what I can do...

EY

Sick-ish
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
6:09pm Thursday 28Sept06

Felt sick-ish all day. Not totally sick and not totally well. I'm tired of this. Things will get better.

Almost have one of our contractors convinced that he should give me his sweater. Although it looks nice on him it would look far nicer on me. When I said that it would accentuate my breasts quite nicely he looked at me and smiled, looked down at his sweater and said, "Maybe." Ha ha!
Got to go for what gets a mans attention when you want what you want. It's a good thing he and I don't date because I'd be wearing all his tops. Poor guys they don't know what to do with me.

The crazy stuff has calmed down once again, let's hope it's for good. The people I went to for advice regarding the problem and my solution were a God send. I need some outer calm, yeah, and inner calm. The inner calm was present today. One day at a time as usual. It's really nice to know that there are people that I can turn to. I'm not an asker. I normally just go and take care of things and people find out about it after the fact. With all this trouble I felt like I have people who respect me and value me and who turn up for me. It was really stressful for me and sweet to rest my head on a few shoulders. Totally amazing and heart warming. To be lifted up by other people when you feel like you can't go on...

Something about me being sick turns my work partner into the village idiot. Between today and yesterday, Ado has had me laughing so hard to the point of no sound coming out and me having to rest my head on my desk. Too funny. And Lolo has certainly been the good kind of bratty funny knowing full well that eventually I too will have something to hang over her head to mock her about. Of course it may never be as good as what she has to hang over my head but you never know. I've got a lot of patience and a larger memory.

I feel energetic enough to work out and of course work on the White Wishes trilogy. Thank Goodness. Was asleep last night by 7pm. Slept like a bear in hibernation. Aiming for bed by 10pm. Got to get back to a good regular schedule. I've been so good with the not drinking thing and staying home. Still so much more to do. Always more to do.

EY

Second Wednesday
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Wednesday 6:21pm 27Sept06

Sick again, second Wednesday in a row. I'm not sure what this is about. Part of it is the stress that I've been under. Part of it is about my emotions spinning out of control. And yet I'm finding something within me that is calming me right down. Take this shit less personally. Look at the fantastic people that are becoming fixtures in my life. Letting go of anger about stuff I've held onto for far too long.

Going to bed early. I need to try to make my Tuesdays my early bed night and then I can make proper use of my weekly Wednesday plans. Going to plop some books and my writing on my bed beside me to do whatever I can eek out. Be prepared for when I wake up at some ungodly hour. It's going to happen.

About all I have to say...

EY