Rewards
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Divine Brown - Twist my hair
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
8:52pm Sunday 20Aug06

itunes and a credit card are dangerous things in my hands. I called my most recent purchases a reward in advance for my new diet. Although I don't need a reward to motivate me with this diet because it's for my health. But it's nice to have a reason. Mind you, I can justify any music purchase from I got to have it to I'm making up for all that lost time when I couldn't afford to buy lots of music.
You have to buy gifts for yourself. It makes working for a living worthwhile.

I was googling last night. I googled the names of my family members and people I haven't been in touch with for a long time and the like. I found a short biography of my step father's father. It was interesting because I never knew much about him. I just knew that he'd died in a concentration camp when my step dad was a toddler.
He was a Dutch socialist politician and journalist. He joined the resistance and became editor of an underground paper.

I'm totally fascinated that he was a writer. I don't know why because it's not like we were related but somehow it feels possible to find out more of my history. The meant history. What was meant to be. It's a manipulation of distant links from people in the past of people we know today. His son became my stepfather so I am linked to him.
We have a shared history because my step father's lack of his biological father impacted the way he grew up and ultimately the way he raised me. And yet what was missing still crops up in another form.

It's the manipulation that a writer uses to create her character, grabbing bits and pieces here and there that make the character what she is.

My Oma told me that she'd always wanted to be a writer but she neglected to tell me that her first husband was a writer. For obvious reasons, no doubt, it was probably too painful to discuss her first husband who'd died in a concentration camp. Plus it might have dredged up her memories of being in a concentration camp with a toddler. And of course she had a new life with another husband that she'd shared more time with by the time I'd entered the scene.

If I could, I'd like to ask her now about him and their short life together and his writings and what he believed in. How much was he saying as a journalist about Hitler? Was his journalism early on in his life because he was also a Politician. I'll have to look around for any English language books about the Dutch and the Germans. There is an academic office named after him so the possibility that he could be covered is relatively high.

EY

Jon Benet Ramsey
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
5:19am Thursday 17Aug06

I've been checking out the Time line of the Jon Benet Ramsey case.

It's interesting in that now that someone has finally been arrested the family's pain is more pronounced. Her brother, Burke who was 9 years old at the time of her death, was interviewed by the police for 6 hours in 1998, almost two years after she was murdered. When you think about the childhood memories that are still potent in your mind today, imagine having these memories of your sister mysteriously dying in your house and then this 6 hours of questioning that I can only imagine put thoughts into Burke's head that one of his parents could be the bogeyman. Or worse yet, that it was believed that he could have accidentally killed his sister. "If it wasn't your parents, Burke, was it you?"
And scratching the surface of the thought that someone could be your house attacking your sister while you sleep comfortably upstairs in your bedroom.

In 1999, the District Attorney says that no arrests could be made due to insufficient evidence, leaving the lines open for the general public to believe that the family was in collusion in Jon Benet's death. I can remember in 1997, a girlfriend of mine making comments about Jon Benet's mother Patsy pushing her into Beauty pageants and the implication that because of it and through some sort of warped jealously she was the most likely suspect.

In 2003, A federal judge in Atlanta concludes that the weight of the evidence is more consistent with the intruder theory than with the theory that Patsy Ramsey killed Jon Benet. I don't remember ever hearing that. I wonder how many people in the general public especially of the people who vilified Patsy also didn't hear about it.

In ten years, John Ramsey ran as a Republican candidate, Burke Ramsey grew up and Patsy Ramsey died of Ovarian Cancer. In ten years, life went on and more deaths occurred. In ten years this family picked up the shattered pieces of an imperfect life that was devastated by a mysterious death of their daughter, vilification in the media and public opinion, no doubt daily pain. Interesting that when I'd read the reports that Patsy Ramsey had died in June this year of cancer and not once was it mentioned that she had been ruled out as a suspect.

Judgment is a bitch. After something bad happens and we're told how people raise their children, we pick apart every thing we learn as if we know what can pinpoint why the bad thing happened. It makes you wonder. What kind of things could people pinpoint about me and how I live my life and how I keep my house and whether I let my cats sleep on the bed or if my fridge is full or if my apartment is a mess. What kind of things could people pinpoint about your life?

EY

Excited by Life?
Mood:  special
Now Playing: Amp Fiddler
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Tuesday 9:00pm 15Aug06

Anthony Robbins used to say something about jumping out of bed in the morning excited by life, ready to work towards your goals with overwhelming enthusiasm. It used to bug me that I was never one of those people. Clearly, I couldn't have been setting high enough goals or my goals weren't exciting enough. Or so I thought.

I've actually come to realize that I love sleeping too much to ever jump out of bed excited by life. When I wake up in the morning I tend to giggle. I sneak a couple extra winks and just before I close my eyes again, I giggle.

When I do get up anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes later, I laugh at how much I love sleeping and then I start my morning.

So maybe, just maybe, not everyone is meant to jump out of bed with exploding energy, excited by every aspect of life and what's in store. Maybe, just maybe, waking up with a giggle is more than enough.

EY

Spark People
Topic: Living on Purpose
A cool free offering I got from one of my online writing groups...

http://www.sparkpeople.com

You can set up your goals, lose weight, track your fitness goals etc.

I signed up with it last night to track my arthritis goals specifically, and writing goals obviously.

Check it out.

EY

In search of my Remedy
Mood:  energetic
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Monday 6:43pm 14Aug06

I went to see my Herb guy with my notes in hand and bought all my remedies to take a proactive stance to combat these poor arthritic toes.

In my research, I found out that I should start with a Liver cleanse. I bought the Renew Life Liver Detox. Apparently Liver cleansing can resolve a lot of acute arthritis problems. From there I will move to a Detox diet using the Sambu Mini Cleanse with raw or mildly steamed vegetables and then a juice fast.

Some additionals that I bought to go with the Nutri-flex I bought on Sunday are: Vital Greens in liquid form, Black Radish juice (1 tsp juice 2x's a day), Organic Apple Cider Vinegar (2 TBSP ACV mixed with 2 TBSP Honey in a glass of hot water 3x's a day), Noni Juice (2 TBSP twice a day), Organic Concord Grape Juice (a glass before each meal) and Castor oil for Castor Oil packs to use externally on my feet.

I got these suggestions from The Completed Illustrated Holistic Herbal - A Safe and practical Guide to Making and Using herbal Remedies by David Hoffman and notes from Peter C. Laker, C.H., C.H.P., C.C. Ir. (Clinical Herbalist and Iridologist who I studied with almost ten years ago)

Real food wise, I'll be sipping on a lot of juices: Raw Cabbage Juice;Raw beet juice; raw white potato juice; Carrot, celery, apple & parsley juice; and of course, my smoothies. I made a home made vegetable soup in my crock pot last night for my lunches this week. I can have fruits, vegetables in abundance, green & root vegetables, 8 glasses of water, Vitamin C supplement 500 mg daily, Fish & white meat.

My restrictions are:
Dairy, milk, bread, cheese, sugars, white flours, hydrogenated fat, fried foods, pop, wheat, gluten, tomatoes, corn, potatoes (except raw juice or sweet potatoes), red meat, eggs, refined carbohydrates, salt, coffee, black tea, night shade vegetables.
No foods that cause acidic reaction, no foods that cause digestive problems, no foods that cause allergic reactions. No tobacco, no alcohol (I'll probably still have a glass of wine or beer here and there.)

Aside from the Castor Oil packs for my feet, I've mixed cayenne pepper with vegetable glycerin to rub on my feet and I also have a peppermint foot soak bought as part of a sweet gift from a very sweet friend.

That friend, wrote in her card to me, "you're body is saying 'take care of me too!'"

My stomach problems made me speak up for myself at 16, 17 and 18 years old. My depression made me pay attention to my thoughts and change them in my 30's. And now my arthritis is begging me to take care of my physical me. Slow down, detox, take care.

I'm looking forward to taking care of myself. I bought some new cook books on Sunday for the very healthy eating I'll have to follow. I can cook but my vegetarian repertoire is shaky. That will change.

It's that Mack truck that will either tap me lightly or hit me head on to get my attention. It depends on how stubbornly I ignore the signs.

I'm finally listening...

EY