I have a Ty Beanie Baby named Lefty
Mood:  special
I'm special.

I remembered the other thing I wanted to talk about, and it's probably not that entertaining, but I'm proud I remembered, so I'm going to do it anyway.

I have on my laptop desktop (my work computer) a picture from Sue Thomas F.B.Eye. It's the same one on my website: https://www.angelfire.com/home/lalilo/stfbe.html. I was staring at it today as I was instant messaging (cause I do a lot of work at work) and realized a couple of things about the picture, the first of which being I have way too much free time.

Anyway, the picture shows the cast of STFBE, all the people that work for the FBI and Levi who, from what I have seen, is smarter than most humans, including George Bush. And I guess for the sake of the picture, they moved some things around. For example, both Jack and Bobby (2nd and 3rd from left) have their holsters on their right sides, implying they are left handed. They are not. Dimitrius (2nd from right), on the other hand (literally and figuratively) has his holster correctly on the left. Myles is the only male without a gun, at least not that I can see. Which brings me to my other point... Where are the ladies' guns??? Tara (1st on left) is a field agent as is Sue (middle). Where are their guns? I mean, I can understand Lucy not having one - she's not field rated. Is this some sort of sexist statement?? Or am I just over-analyzing things? Yeah, you're right, probably the latter. This is what I get from taking a gender studies class.

In case you were wondering, PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS is supposedly the longest word in the English language.

Quote of the Blog

Hope is on the way.

Vote John Kerry/John Edwards

Pornography Ken Strikes Again (hey, that rhymes!)
Mood:  not sure
You'd think by now he'd learn that I'm going to blog whatever he says to me... This time, Pornography Ken asked me if I was voyeuristic because I have a blog. So now I write pornography and am a voyeur. Who knew?

A large part of my job - large part of why I don't always like my job - is making phone calls. All the damn time.

I would like to lodge two complaints to anyone who is listening. What is the deal with call intercept? And with people not having voice mail? I'll deal with the latter first.

It's 2004, people!!! Come on!!! How can you NOT have voice mail or an answering machine? They are NOT that expensive. You can get a cheapy answering machine for $10 at Target. I hate calling students and hearing the phone ring and ring and ring and ring...

It's almost as irritating as call intercept, which was developed by the good people at Satan Rules Earth, Inc. For those of you unfamiliar with call intercept, it's for people who are too lazy to read the Caller ID display. My work phone number shows up either as a bank or as an unknown number. There is nothing I can do about this. What I don't understand is why can't people just look at their caller ID display... not answer... let me leave a message and then either pick up or call me back. It's NOT that much of an effort, is it? But no... People have to get this stupid call intercept which means every time I call them I have to record my name and company ("The person you are calling has call intercept, a feature that serves no other purpose than annoying those who are calling") and then listen to the same ridiculous musak over and over until I finally here "You are now being connected to an answering service" after which there is no answering service. Instead, I am sent into the void where all things mysterious rest like black holes, Michael Jackson's original skin color, and Halliburton's records.

Speaking of evil, I think (well I seriously hope) that Bush is in trouble. I watched part of the DNC last night... and I've been reading about the two previous nights. It seems to be going well! And Richard Schiff was there, which is always a good sign. I really, really like John Edwards and I am very proud to have voted for him in the primaries. And he's certainly not bad to look at. :)

I'm thinking about selling t-shirts to people who are supporters of Kerry... Arica got me into this t-shirt making business and I thought, hey, why not use my new hobby to support my man Kerry? I have a "Rock the Vote" shirt that Arica made me.. and I made myself one that says "Only you can make a difference" on the front and "rock the vote" on the back. I'd be willing to make any "vote Kerry/Edwards" shirt. So let me know if you're interested. All proceeds go right to Kerry.

Um, I feel like there was something else I was going to talk about but it's gone now. Maybe later.

Quote of the Blog

Josh Lyman: You know what, CJ? I really think I'm the best judge of what I mean, you paranoid Berkeley shiksa feminista... Wow, that was way too far.
C.J. Cregg: No. No. Well, I've got a staff meeting to go to and so do you, you elitist, Harvard, fascist, missed-the-dean's-list-two-semesters-in-a-row Yankee jackass.
Josh Lyman: Feel better getting that off your chest there, C.J.?
C.J. Cregg: I'm a whole new woman.

The West Wing

Jessica Simpson is an idiot.
Mood:  don't ask
Just thought I'd share that with the group.

So I haven't written in a week, and I don't really have anything funny to say, but I thought that I should post something.

Linda is leaving. Well, actually, she's gone. Even though I'm really happy for her, I'm also really sad and angry (though not at all angry at her), so if you see me walking around somewhere, don't be surprised if I punch you. Pornography Ken likes to blame all of my problems on being a woman, so you can do the same. But if you tell me that you're doing that, I'll probably punch you again. Harder.

I saw I, Robot last night. It was pretty good. The special effects were unbelievable and Will Smith was really good (man's got a cute butt!) and so was Bridget Moynahan (the mean girl from Coyote Ugly. My only issue with the movie is, if that's how the world is supposed to be in 31 years, we have a hell of a lot of work to do - so Bill Gates, get at it!

Well, that's all I've got for now.

Oh, I hope you all check out the Democratic National Convention and give my man Kerry a couple minutes of your time. You won't regret it!

Quote of the Blog
"You're the dumbest smart person I've ever met." ~ Spooner
later...
"You're the dumbest dumb person I've ever met." ~ Calvin

What a world...
Mood:  surprised
MJ
So Alexis just informed me that Michael Jackson is expecting quadruplets... and before you think the King of Pop has become the Queen of Pop, apparently some woman in Florida is expecting the four mini-molesters and the King of Pop is the pop through sperm donation.

Can I just say this? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Alexis also brought up the subject of names. Mike's children are named Prince Michael I (the unfortunate first born), Paris Michael (the girl), and Prince Michael II aka Blanket (dangling baby who will forever fear heights).

Mike, in case you're listening (or reading, as the case may be) here are my suggestions for names:

Tissue - Soft, cuddly and absorbent. What more could you ask for in a child?

Djibouti - The African country would represent Michael's fading ethnicity.

Elmo - Tickle me.

Fluffernutter - Sweet and gooey, with much the same consistency as Michael's skin.

Dipsy, Po, Laa-laa, and Tinky Winky - Four teletubbies, four Jackson kids, equal chance of being gay.

Money for Nothing and the Checks for Free
I just earned $100 for about 1 minute's worth of work. Kick ass!!

I got my mail yesterday and there was a letter from Reader's Digest. I just figured it was probably about a subscription renewal. Imagine my surprise when I opened the letter and found a check... for $100... without much of an explanation... All there was was an index card saying "Thank you for your contribution. It will be seen in an upcoming issue, you lucky dog, you." or something like that. Well, it's actually in the current issue, a Quotable Quote that I submitted a couple of months ago. It's on page 73, in case you were wondering.

You can no longer say my obsession with Jennifer Garner doesn't pay off. It pays $100!

Yesterday's Blog
I've been informed by Pornography Ken, for that is now his name, I'm having it changed legally, that my blog yesterday wasn't that funny. I would like to point out by saying I prefaced that blog entry by saying it wasn't going to be very funny. This just confirms my suspicions that Ken really can't read. He must have had someone else read it to them and they skipped that first part. That is the only explanation I can think of.

Ta ta!

Quote of the Blog
"Never do what you can overdo!"
~ Lucy Coe, General Hospital

Rico... Suave...
Mood:  suave
I've given up on writing in this thing every day. It's just not going to happen.

Today we're going to talk about TV, because I'm tired and am not sure I can be funny (even though Ken - pornography Ken - expects me to always be funny).

So... first and foremost if you haven't seen I Love the 90s, you MUST! They are sooooo much fun, and, of course, you're talking about the decade in which I did most of my growing up (well, as far up as 5"1' goes). And the commentators just keep getting funnier. Hal Sparks and Beth Littleford (come back to the Daily Show!) and Michael Ian Black are my favorites.

Moving on...

I'm going to tell you about 3 tv shows that you probably aren't watching but that you really should watch. And if you're asking yourself why you should watch them? Well, because I said so.

Show #1
The 4400
The newest of the three I'm recommending, this show is very, very cool. It's got one of those premises that is scary in a good way and makes you go "why didn't I think of that?"

Basically, for the last 80 years or so, all of these people have been abducted (originally spelled upducted by my feeble brain) - they've completely vanished with no explanation. Well, all of a sudden this comet looks like it's going to hit earth, but it's not a comet, it's some flowy light thingie that BAM explodes leaving 4400 people standing by a lake in Washington state. What to do with the 4400?

Well, they go into containment for a while, shepherded by Tom and Diana - who work for the Department of Homeland Security (go Tom Ridge!) and who will be the potential love interests. Think Mulder and Scully, right down to the female being the scientist and the man having the emotional investment in the situation - Tom's nephew was abducted and his son has been in a coma since that same night.

Without giving too much more away, the show follows a group of about 10 of the abductees, including a black man abducted while at war in Korea, a young woman who is the granddaughter of that man's true love, a little girl who is the first abductee, and an older man who is the first to show signs something weird is going on. After being back on earth for a while, all of the abductees begin to show signs of special powers... The little girl is psychic, the old man can destroy things with his mind, Tom's nephew can heal or kill with his touch, etc....

It's pretty well written and has a sophomore cast (at least I haven't heard of most of them) with the exception of Peter Coyote. Side note: one of the cast is actually named Mahershalalhashbaz Ali. Picture him in kindergarden!

The 4400 airs Sundays at 9:00 on USA and then, being USA, replays a bunch of times during the week which is good because...

Show (which originally came out as Shoe) #2
Sue Thomas F.B.Eye

This show also airs Sundays at 9:00. It's cute and very different from The 4400, I'll tell you that right now. It's the story of a deaf FBI agent, losely based on the real Sue Thomas, who started out as a fingerprint analyst and who ended up as a field agent due to her lipreading abilities.

The show has a similar format to something like CSI, NYPD Blue, or any of those other law shows. Something bad happens, usually terrorism, and the team jumps into action. The team consists of Jack (total hottie), Sue, Lucy (Sue's roommate), Tara (computer geek), Myles (pompous ass), D (the token minority and married guy), and Bobby (the cute Australian). The show is a mix of spoken word and sign, with the signs conveniently subtitled if a character is not verbally translating. What's fun is you begin to pick up signs after a while. Last night, for example, I learned "No, you didn't" which will be useful for me in my many fights with Ken Crockett (Democrat jazz groupie).

There is a warning: the show has a religious base that will undoubtedly rear it's ugly head at least once every other episode. Touching moments are highlighted by the touching moment music, which will be a key indicator mush is coming. Writing is okay, acting is great considering they're a Canadian cast for the most part (insert rim shot here). Seriously, the actors are pretty good and like I said before, Jack is a total hottie.

A lot of the show is funny, which is why I like it so much. And the signing is really cool too. Storylines are reasonably believable, although sometimes it's hard to imagine Sue can follow conversations just by lipreading, but the show is amazingly true to deaf culture. They deal with several issues regarding Sue's deafness and often times Sue will ask to have something repeated or will look to Jack (her super hottie hopefully future boyfriend) or Lucy (who has learned to sign) for help.

STFBE airs Sundays at 9:00 on PAX.

And if you thought Sunday wasn't already busy enough...

Show #3
Wild Card

This'll be quick cause it's 5 and I want to go home.

Wild Card is Joely Fisher's series on Lifetime. It's soooooo much fun. It also features hottie Chris Potter. (Do you see a theme with my shows here?)

The storyline is one that has been recycled repeatedly over the last year, but I believe Wild Card was the first. Zoey (played by Fisher) loses her sister and is made guardian of two nieces and her nephew. Zoey, who has been a dealer in Vegas, is obviously out of place in her new position as Mom, but she adjusts amidst much laughter.

She gets hired by an insurance agency as an investigator, where she works with hottie Dan. They go out on cases, get into trouble, and sometimes kiss, which is my favorite part.

The kids are okay, Taylor's around 16, Cliff's around 14, and Hannah's 8ish. The way Taylor talks sometimes irritates me, but overall, the kids aren't sickening as tv kids can be.

The writing is also pretty good and the show can be really, really funny. Joely Fisher has amazing timing and she fits perfectly with Chris Potter. I actually think Joely is Emmy worthy if for nothing more than her comedic timing and ability to destroy shoes...

Well, I think I'll end now. I can feel my carpal tunnel growing and I'm pretty sure no one's going to care about this entry anyway.

Wild Card airs 10:00 on Sundays on Lifetime.

Au revoir!

Quote of the Blog
"We are young, heartache to heartache, we stand!"
~ Pat Benatar