"For some reason, people just get upset when you demonstrate how clever you are."
-Scott Adams

"Fear not the Darkness within yourself; at least it won't pull a gun on you."
-?

"Don't consider sarcasm the 'be-all' and 'end-all' of verbal intercourse. Far too many people place way too much importance on the sarcasm instead of the talking, in and of itself, as a precious shared experience between people."
-Adam Rifkin

"The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware. Joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware."
-Henry Miller

"Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith. I consider the capacity for it terrifying."
-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
-George Bernard Shaw

"Sometimes something's never been done before because everyone who came up with the idea before said 'that would suck.'"
-?

"Friends are just enemies who don't have the guts to kill you."
-?

"The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything... except what is worth knowing. Journalism, conscious of this, and having tradesmanlike habits, supplies their demands."
-Oscar Wilde

"Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry; it mostly astonishes me. How can anyone deny themselves the pleasure of my company?"
-Zora Neale Hurston

"Most of the evil in this world is done by people with good intentions."
-T.S. Eliot

"Three-fourths of philosophy and literature is the talk of people trying to convince themselves that they really like the cage they were tricked into entering."
-Anon.

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices, but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."
-Albert Einstein

"The Americans are the living refutation of the Cartesian axiom 'I think, therefore I am': Americans do not think, yet they are."
-Julius Evola

"Only some of us can learn by other people's mistakes. The rest of us have to be the other people."
-Anon.

"No shooting tomorrow, so it's a writing day. Or a sitting around, trying to write and cursing the very fact of my existence day -- that's the fun: you never know which."
-Joss Whedon

"I was playing poker the other night. With Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."
-?

"I was the last one cast. I have a suspicion Rip Torn wasn't available."
- Martin Sheen on 'The West Wing'

"...and Joss did look upon his works, and did think they were good, 'cause let's face it, Joss thinks A LOT of himself, yeah, and he did read the multitudes speaking unto him that he was a ratings whore who had run out of ideas, and that was less good, but he spake to them thus:" "Dudes. Chill."
- Joss Whedon on the posting board

"So, yeah, I am Angel. But in a Snyder kind of way."
- Joss Whedon

"I tell the actors I'm gonna kill their characters all the time, and they NEVER LAUGH. I just don't get it."
-Joss Whedon

"There's that process of writing it -- then you come out of your room into the sunlight, and you now have to complete the circuit and make the connection finally with the audience."
- Aaron Sorkin

"In Sorkin we trust, all others pay cash."
-?

"Republicans believe in the Horatio Alger myth that every person can pull themselves up by their bootstraps. The Democrats want to give everyone boots first. "
-?

"Whoever wrote this episode should *die*!!!"
-Gwen DeMarco 'Galaxy Quest'

"In other news, it's been far too long since I gloated massively about the fact that I know what's going to happen on Buffy and you all don't."
-Joss Whedon

"For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say 'Canada.'Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something."
-Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to the U.S.

"Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the universe."
-Kurt Vonnegut

I can picture in my mind a world without war. A world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
- Jack Handey, "Deep Thoughts"

"Just because I'm showing somebody being disemboweled doesn't mean that I have to get heavy and put a message behind it."
-George Romero

". . . who found freedom in the most unlikely of places. At the bottom of an inkwell. On the tip of a quill."
-Marquee de Sade, 'Quills'

"It's much safer to be fond of dangerous people."
-'The House of Mirth'

"You should write a book: 'How to Offened Women in Five Syllables or Less.'"
-'The Swan Princess'

"Is mutipule personalities just mental multitasking?"
-Stephen Atkins

"Intellectuals solve problems. Geniuses prevent them."
-Albert Einstein

"On the surface, you make some good points about technology . . . but your e-mail address reveals your newbie identity. You're probably a goat herder or a cartoonist."
-Dilbert

"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein

"Some people accuse me of exaggeration, so let me be clear. Those people seek nothing less than the complete and utter destruction of the American way of life."
-Al Gore

"The electoral-college system was designed to protect our nation from the ignorance of its people. And, based on the 2000 vote, it's still dearly needed."
-The Onion

"Maybe we need to stop thinking of this as a Mideast crisis and just think of it as Mideast culture."
-The Onion

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
-George W. Bush

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
-George W. Bush

"Is man one of God's blunders, or is God one of man's?"
-Nietzsche

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."
-Matt Groening

“If the doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I’d type a little faster.”
-Isaac Asimov

“He was no great believer in destiney, Archie, but on reflection it did seem that a special effort had ensured his life had been picked out for him like a company Christmas present – early and the same as every one else’s.”
-‘White Teeth’ by Zadie Smith

“Clara’s inexplicable dedication to Ryan Topps knew no bounds. It transcended his bad looks, tedious personality, and unsightly personal habits. Essentially, it transcended Ryan, for whatever Hortense claimed, Clara was a teenage girl like any other; the object of her passion was only an accesory to the passion itself, a passion that through its long suppression was now asserting itself with volcanic necessity.”
-‘White Teeth’ by Zadie Smith

“Hortense – born while Jamaica crumbled – did not accept apocalypse before one’s twentieth birthday as any excuse for tardiness.”
-‘White Teeth’ by Zadie Smith

". . . to- in the words of one official- 'protect people who are too stupid to protect themselves.'"
-Brian Williams, 'The Nightly News With Tom Brokaw'

"'We like a President that quotes Graham Greene, don't we?' Sure; I'd like him even better if he quoted The Simpsons, but that's really neither here nor there."
-Mightybigtv.com on President Bartlet of 'The West Wing'

"Do not fear mistakes. There are none."
-Miles Davis

"Arizona doesn't do anything halfway. If Arizona was a movie you wouldn't believe it. You'd think it was too corny."
-'The Bean Trees' by Barbara Kingsolver

"Since I can't smoke, I figure standing up as an advocate for pot legalization will be a step in the right direction: not only will I be one of the few marijuana advocates not too stoned to debate its merits, but handing out doobies instead of pints is a safer option because there's no such thing as a mean pothead."
-Paul T. Riddel

"I chose to play the Tuba for one reason: the philosophy that if you're not cool enough to be a chearleader, you should be carrying something big enough to knock one on her ass."
-Stand-up Comic

"You're rich and women love you. I'm from Ohio and I'm drunk."
-'Vanilla Sky'

"I good you bid evening."
-'Vanilla Sky'

“If the doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I’d type a little faster.”
-Isaac Asimov

“You write. You act. You direct. You amuse. You hosted a sketch comedy show which, in its too-good-for-network-TV obscurity, finds its way onto lists of people's top five shows of all time, even by people who have never seen it. You are all things to me. You are all things to all. And yet, you have never been my boyfriend. Ben Stiller? Be mine.”
-Hissyfit

“In Magnolia... okay, he didn't have any lines. We think he played a role that was, in some way, pivotal, but to be completely honest, that was one strand of the plot that we didn't really understand. But he, along with every other actor in creation, was there. And we liked that movie.”
-Fame Audit of Orlando Jones

“Also, how on earth will Angel find Kurskov's power source? I mean, what if it isn't bright red and in plain sight? Yeah, I know, but someday they're going to run into a bad guy whose power source is green and in a safe deposit box, and then what're they gonna do?”
-Mightybigtv.com

“When it comes to sports, I am such a stereotypical girl. In that I hate them.”
-Hissyfit

“Someday, future anthropologists will look back and conclude that our society followed a calendar based on the cycles of, ‘the times when it's okay to think Madonna is cool again.’”
-Fametracker, Blue Moons

"What TV can do, though -- and does do, if only by pure reflex -- is give chaotic happenings a semblance of manageability just by capably organizing its own coverage. How cataclysmic can a disaster be if it's got a logo?"
-Esquire magazine

“Now I’m starting to get angry, so I’m going to stop before I get into a detailed account of my solution to the junkie problem. Actually, it’s not all that bad, because even though it does involve putting them in camps, it also involves lots of parties and free crack, so it isn’t as bad as you might think.”
-Sugar Larry [http://www.sugarlarry.com/archive.shtml]

“Regardless, if this theft is suppose to be some stupid exercise on the part of God, or the universe, or anything to teach me that what goes around comes around, I just want to make it clear that I haven’t learned a thing.”
-Sugar Larry [http://www.sugarlarry.com/archive.shtml]

“Alec says he's going to leave ‘before the waterworks start.’ I wish Alec were the star of this show. I wish it were called Dark Alec.”
-televisionwithoutpity.com

“Max asks if he's all right. Alec smiles sadly and says that he's always all right. Aw. I love Alec. Poor, sad, tortured Alec. He has so much pain. He just needs the right woman to heal him. And it's not Max.”
-televisionwithoutpity.com

“Here's what I'd like to see: Buffy and Max in a fight, with Alec and Spike watching making bets about which one of ‘their’ girls would win. Oh, the snark potential.
-televisionwithoutpity.com forums

“Angel insists that they don't need Wesley, because they're ‘gonna find the son of a bitch who opened the portal in the first place.’ He hits ‘son of a bitch’ with extra emphasis that seems to signify that he's kind of excited about cursing on TV.”
-televisionwithoutpity.com

“[They said] ‘make up a language.’ I'm not J.R. Tolkien. I can't. So I just start squeaking and squaking and that’s what came out. Now everyone has to do that.”
-Brent Stait (Rev) on the Magog language

"Fighting on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded."
-?

“But what was the Academy trying to accomplish? Some kind of open psychic receiver with no ability to shut itself off is my personal theory, but I try not to think too much like sociopathic surgeons if I can help it.”
-Perri Smith, review of “Firefly”

"It’s a little complex watching someone you desperately love trying to impress some one they desperately love.”
-‘Family on Ice’ by Jane McCafferty (Just had to include this one. It’s like my life story in one sentence.)

“In my nearly thirty years on earth, I've gone to just about every possible kind of show, in just about every possible category of venue. I've seen Madonna at Madison Square Garden, I've seen honky-tonk in Deep Ellum, I've seen traditional Irish bands in Queens and blues greats in Jersey and French-nobility gimmick rock in Boston, I've gone to tiny rooms in the Knitting Factory so far below the surface of the earth that you get a canary with your wristband, I've hiked to seats so high up in the rim of Giants Stadium that I had to train at Everest Base Camp for two weeks before the show, and I've squeezed into every small- to mid-sized venue between Morningside Heights and Canarsie, yet the mystery remains unsolved -- what the hell is wrong with people?”
-Tomato Nation, 'So You're Going to a Rock Show'

“Do you have a Doc print on your face? Then it ain't moshing, junior!”
-Tomato Nation, 'So You're Going to a Rock Show' (Check out the whole thing)

“He's like that one friend everyone has, who's dating someone who sucks, and who knows that she sucks, so whenever she isn't around, tells his friends these stories about this sweet thing she did or funny thing she said, and all his friends are like, 'That never happened, and you are pathetic, and dump her,' but you can't say anything.”
-Fametracker on Ben Afleck and Jennifer Lopez

“With fifteen minutes to go before the start of the bee, we clomped down to the auditorium as intimidatingly as possible. Well, Ma and Dad just walked normally. I tried to make my black coat swirl threateningly.”
-Tomato Nation, “To Bee or Not to Bee” (Check out the whole thing (I swear it’s worth it))

“I can't stop watching the 90210 reruns. Can. Not. Stop. I would compare the experience to a train wreck, but in the event of an actual train wreck, I'd like to think I could summon up an emotion more sympathetic than "squirming contempt" on behalf of its victims, and furthermore, I don't remember the last time a train carrying Vanilla Ice and seventeen gallons of Dippity Do crashed into Contempo Casuals, so that metaphor is out.”
-Tomato Nation, “Enfants Terribles” (If I could stop quoting this site I would. I swear.)

"Sociologists are starting to refer to the "N Generation," the "Net Generation," or "Gen.Com", children who have come of age in relation to interactive technologies and digital media and who operate under the rather bold assumption that they can be active participants shaping, creating, critiquing and circulating popular culture. "Cultural convergence" describes new ways audiences are relating to media content, their increased skills at reading across different media and their desires for a more participatory and complex media culture."
-Henry Jenkins

"Sorkin waltzes out and sticks us with a Republican President. Like we don't have enough real-life problems in that department. Dude, that's just harsh."
-televisionwithoutpity.com

"On the other hand, postponing that kind of editorial decision is an excellent way to justify not working on a piece at all, so I finally decided, the hell with it. Not to get all "welcome to my process, I hope you packed a lunch" about it or anything."
-Tomato Nation

"After a chase through the canals of Venice, which in real life would have led to the loss of six tourist gondolas and the drowning of an accordion player, the confederates go to an extraordinary amount of trouble to meet, with the gold, in a high Alpine pass apparently undisturbed since Hannibal. I have no idea how hard it is to move $35 million in gold from Venice to the Alps with Interpol looking for you, or for that matter how hard it would be to move it back down again, but golly, it's a pretty location."
-Roger Ebert on 'The Italian Job'

"President Bush will give Saddam Hussein 48 hours to leave Iraq or face military action, administration sources say. Iraqi foreign minister says Saddam won't leave; suggests Bush leave office instead."
-CNN headline bullet