"She just blinked at him, in the confused and completely shell-shocked way that he imagined rabbits might, if you were hunting them with hand grenades."
-'Reasons' by zero

"Badass vampires did NOT do the Snoopy dance, no matter how much they felt like it. "
-'A Raising in the Sun' by Barb

Tara looked skeptical. "And you don't love Spike."
Buffy became deeply absorbed in unwinding the layers of her croissant. She shrugged. "No." Not yet. Maybe never. Maybe five minutes from now. We're running a pool; who wants three PM Friday?
-'Neccesary Evil' by Barb

"Willow was suddenly very nervous. She knew how jealous Angel could get, and that was over guys who weren't his mortal enemy."
-'Almost Unreal'

"He, [Spike], found himself contemplating buying gum for no other reason than the fact that he’d been staring at the same package for twenty minutes and was beginning to feel somehow emotionally attached to it."
-'Who Died and Made You the Iron Chef?'

"And now you're wondering, what could Buffy possibly want to discuss with the evil dead," she snapped.
"And now I'm wondering, would Buffy and Spike like to join Anya and Xander at the Bronze later tonight," Xander said. "And now I'm wondering why I'm talking in the third person."
- [Estepheia]

Buffy: "So I'm thinking it's better to lure them out here, rather than go in there for an ambush."
Angel: "Spike will be thinking the exact opposite, though. How do you propose to get him out here?"
Buffy: "Watch me. HEY SPIKE! GET YOUR SORRY ASS OUT HERE AND FIGHT ME!"
- 'Little Earthquakes' by Evil Willow

"Jesus, I was just joking with the world domination comment. I have no idea why Peaches is so edgy tonight. Maybe he`s afraid of getting caught in a women`s restroom. Like this would be the zenith of his embarrassing moments? Pfft. I saw his hairdo late nineteenth century. Now *that* was humiliating."
- Spike [KITA & JESS]

"I know! I can’t believe it myself. With you, sex is always fantastic because we love each other. You could wear a chimpanzee suit and shove bananas up my ass, and you’d still turn me on, ‘cause you’re my Anya."
"Really?" Anya looked intrigued at the possibility.
Note to self, don’t buy bananas this month.
- Saturn Girl

"I love you."
"Spike, I..."
"Don't. I know. It’s all right. I've just got to say it now and again."
-Spike and Buffy, 'Nescesary Evils' by Barb

"Forget the morals of it all, your wardrobe can't afford an affair with Spike."
-Buffy, 'Nescesary Evils' by Barb

"...Also the two of them have a great deal in common. They both enjoy witty repartee, wearing leather and killing things."
-Anya, 'Necesary Evils' by Barb

"Why doesn’t it ever occur to anyone to save me before I die?"
-Buffy [Havoc]

“She couldn't stand smokers, hated the smell of cigarettes, and was in full agreement with the old joke about the designated smoking areas in California being Arizona and Nevada.”
-Buffy, 'Nescesary Evils' by Barb

“Most people, I don't give a damn about them one way or the other. Unless I'm bored or peckish or pissed off, and then I want to kill them. There's necessary people, like Bernie Kohlermann or Willy, and I won't kill them, even if I want to—" And let's not examine the laundry list of humanity piling up in this category too closely, William, because I don't fancy explaining exactly how Dawn's silly little bints of friends are vital to your continued existence, do you? It's like bloody stray cats, once you give 'em names—”
-Spike, ‘Nescessary Evils’ by Barb

“Spike's taste in jewelry was an aesthetic train wreck between goth-punk and the Victorian conviction that too much was never enough.”
-'Nescesary Evils' by Barb

“Doors come and go so quickly here.”
-Buffy, ‘100 Years of Solitude’ by Isabelle

“What truth did he owe Spike, and why? All he can bear, because he is staying.”
-Giles, ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

He kept his voice clipped and precise. "Because I've seen her die twice now, and I cannot bear it again. Cannot. You... can. You are a braver man than I am, William the sodding Bloody, and I hate you for it."
Spike looked taken aback--had he expected something else? The vampire sat back slightly, resting his wrists on his knees. "There's fitter things you could hate me for, Rupert."
Giles took off his glasses and ran a hand through his hair--how much of the receding hairline was due to Buffy? he asked himself wryly. "Undoubtedly so. But I can't think of any of them at the moment."
-‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“…I’ve got to be a better example. You’ve got to—"
“Establish a legal identity, get a nine to five job, and become a fine upstanding undead American? Not happening, pet."
She turned her head enough to give him the evil eye from behind a fold of blanket. "I was going to say, ‘stop stealing things in front of Dawn,’ but watching a vampire with a fake green card dodging La Migra would make up for a lot of sucky days.”
-Buffy and Spike, ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“She stopped abruptly, tears in her eyes. He wondered if hell, for him, was going to be an eternity of watching the Summers women cry.”
-Spike, ‘Happiest Place on Earth’

“…he didn’t know if he’d ever get used to how expressive Dawn was. She thought it, she felt it, she acted on it. Like me, he realized, if I was into hugs and puppies. That was a weird thought.”
-Spike, ‘Happiest Place On Earth’

"'Angel.’ Buffy's heart sped up. Not in the 'ooh, it's my first love' kind of way, but in the 'oh God, I've slept with your childe' kind of way.”
-‘Wasted Time’

"Where's the rest of your group?"
"I decided to send them away until this is over. I didn't want anybody unnecessary here.’ Angel answered, slipping on his leather coat."
"Then, why am I here?" Cordelia asked, arching her brow.
"Because you don't listen to me."
-‘Wasted Time’

“She wonders if the monks had some sort of contingency plan for this. A 'what happens when the Slayer succeeds in protecting the Key, but dies in the process' plan B sort of deal.”
-Dawn, ‘The Hardest Thing in this World’

"I'm a Billy Idol Wanna-Be who's emotionally insecure and addicted to soap operas."
-Spike, ‘Things B:tVS Characters Would NEVER Say’

Dawn: “Xander, can I talk to you for a minute?”
Xander: “You don't even need my permission, you can just start talking. I'll probably even do the whole listening thing. If you're really lucky, I may occasionally nod knowingly.”
-‘You're not helping’

“Compared to her first vampire love, Spike had always been third-rate evil, and nowadays he was practically channeling Mahatma Gandhi. Sort of. If Gandhi had been really into kicking demon ass and possessed of a not-so-secret hankering for a nice glass of O-neg after a hard night's killing.”
-‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“Sitting here with her warm slim body curled against his side, her jerky sobs slowing and her breathing gradually evening out, he tried to pinpoint the moment when normal healthy bloodlust had drained away, to be replaced by this unnatural empathy. Sitting in the Magic Box, sharing the battered box of chocolates he'd been idiot enough to think he could give her sister? No, longer ago than that, surely? He could have eaten her then, if the chip hadn't prevented it, if she hadn't been Buffy's sister, if he hadn't had a fond, sneaking memory of big blue eyes staring defiantly at him through the bannisters three years past, as he and Buffy plotted Angelus's downfall. Why Slayer, I didn't know you were serving hors d'oeuvres!”
-‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“She had grown unused to fraught silences; Spike filled them up with words. Angel dug the silences deeper.”
-Buffy, ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“’Uh,’ Buffy croaked. An entire scenario where Spike answered the phone flashed through her mind, complete with dramatic rising music at the part where Angel drove down from L.A. in a rage and crashed through the front door. Goody. Forget temp work, I have a future in scriptwriting.”
-‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

"You didn't tell him," he said, half growling.
Without a word, Tara grabbed Dawn's wrist, pulled her to her feet and started for the stairs. "You still have homework, don't you?"
Dawn curled her lip. "Don't I always when anything interesting happens?”
-‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“You know, in the split second between the moment I regained my soul and the moment that my ex-girlfriend ran me through with a magical sword and sent me to Hell, a lot of things rushed though my mind. But I distinctly remember thinking ‘one thing's for certain. I'm never going to the *mall* again.’”
-Angel, ‘Days of Our Unlives, Part Five: The Record Store’

“I struggle to sit, but it`s no use. I think I`ve become jello. Vampire jello. I hope it`s lime. O god. I`ve hit my head.”
-‘Days of Our Unlives, Part Fifteen: Discovery Channel in Reverse’

"Spike, we are not going to do this in the... oh God, put down the Baby Jesus."
-‘Days of Our Unlives, Part Twenty-Nine: Away in a Manger’

“Spike is picking up chunks of dead cow with little pointy forks and tossing them into the pot. Which would be disturbing enough in and of itself if he weren't also making helpless ‘moo’ noises, and then cackling with glee as the meat slowly cooks. One more round of ‘Die, you sodding bovine!’ and I'm going to need another bottle of #52.”
-‘Days of Our Unlives, Part Thirty-Five: Mating Rituals’

"Why. Are. You. Here?"
I hold the bottle out to him. "This," I say solemnly, "will give you all the answers you will ever need."
He raises an eyebrow and looks at the bottle with distaste. "Will it tell me why you're here?"
"No," I say, dissolving into giggles again, "but if you drink enough of it, you won't care why you're here, either.”
-Spike, ‘Days of Our Unlives, Part Ten: Unexpected Visitor’

"You're worth all the fancy polysyllabic words in the world."
-Spike, ‘Images of Byron’

“He was reluctantly resigned to Spike’s liason with Buffy, but damned if he was going to leave his record collection to a vampire.”
-Giles, ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Xander yelled, making a time-out sign. "I'm remembering exactly why this relationship is so twisted and sick! There will be no cutesy Eskimo kisses between Slayers and the eating-way-too-much-of-my-pizza undead in my presence! I have a delicate stomach!”
-‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“…Scout's honour."
"You were a Scout?"
"No, they didn't have them in my day. I ate one once, though."
-Spike and Tara, ‘Pretty Scary Stuff’ by Emma

“There had been something in Spike’s manner recently when he was around Buffy, a hesitancy combined with an abrasiveness that brought to Giles’ mind the actions of adolescent boys when they were around girls they fancied. If you couldn’t fascinate her with your witty repartee, you could always show her your chewed up food.”
-‘Aversaries’ by Miranda

“At that moment, if Giles had possessed the ability, he would have stripped Buffy of her powers and any memory of being a Slayer and moved the whole family to somewhere like Nebraska where hopefully vampires couldn’t survive among all that corn.”
-‘Aversaries’ by Miranda

“The vampire who loved you? Sounds like a bad Bond flick." Spike moved about the room, lighting candles. "If vampires run about falling in love with Slayers all the time, I’m surprised there’s not a Hallmark division.”
- Spike, ‘Aversaries’ by Miranda

“Unconsciously, Spike ran his tongue over his lips, realizing at the iron taste that his mouth was stained with Giles’ blood.
“Ok. He had to admit this looked bad.”
-‘Aversaries’ by Miranda

“It's getting hard to keep track of this. We need one of those magnets like you put on dishwashers," Dawn said thoughtfully. "You know, the ones that say ‘Clean’ or ‘Dirty’? We could have ‘Hate Spike’ and ‘Don’t hate Spike.”
-‘Aversaries’ by Miranda

“Yeah," Dawn agreed. "Remember when I found out I wasn’t really a person, but some kind of energy force, and Mom’s answer was soup? Now you know how I feel.”
-amusing little site

“On the other hand, she may not reject him. She might actually go for it. And that was even scarier. He was alive now. They have a chance at a meaningful relationship, and all that implies. There could be marriage and careers. They might let their hair go back to their original color and he would get a job as an urban planner or something ridiculous. He would buy a suit. And they would eat Stouffers lasagna and they would fall asleep on the couch watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. And then they might have kids. Oh God. Kids. They would have kids? How could they have kids? Little people running around that they have to feed and educate and buy video games for. They'll have to go to PTA meetings and bake sales and the girl would want to be a ballerina and they'd have to sit through dance recitals and oh shit! What if Buffy wanted them to go to church! He'd have to go to church with all the kids and he'd be one of those people. Those people with the screaming babies that everyone hates. He hadn't been to church in 200 years but he remembered those people. With the babies. Babies everywhere. Oh God. He's going to have a baby. He's going to be one of those people with the video camera in the hospital room while Buffy just spits out baby after baby.”
-Spike, ‘The Unseen Power of White Picket Fences’

“Well, let's go celebrate!" Xander said quickly. "Let's celebrate the eternal marathon of our love. And not just those stupid little three hour marathons, either. Those long ass marathons on AMC or Sci Fi where they give little behind the scenes info that you really didn't want to know anyway and run contests and testimonials from the fans. Those kinds of marathons. That's what our love will be like. An ongoing Planet of the Apes Marathon."
-‘The Unseen Power of White Picket Fences’

“Riley was off fighting in the jungle after another long talk in which he earnestly explained that it was, after all, her fault that he was seeking comfort in the arms of vampires. Since she was afraid that it really was her fault, and since she couldn’t think of anything to say other than, ‘Well, it’s your fault I’m in love with Spike. Nyah, nyah, nyah.’, she let him go without arguing.”
-Buffy, amusing little site

Linda's muffled tirade continued. "I can't believe you'd put us in danger like this! He could have--"
"Talked us to death?" Hank rejoined.
Spike jerked upright. "I heard that, y'wanker!”
- ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“Okay, this is just getting ridiculous. Can't I go to sleep for one stupid night without having some mega-important guest star in my dreams? If it's not creepy little demon girls, it's the psycho whose body I stole.”
-Buffy, ‘Ghost in the Shell’ by Troll Princess

“Angel regarded the top of her head with bleak disapproval. ‘You do realize that if you ever use the word 'cute' to describe any aspect of Spike again, I will have to kill both of you?’”
- ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“So if you did something awful, which punishment would you pick--get beaten up, or do ten years?”
“What d’y’mean, if?" Spike opened one eye. "Getting off scott free’s not an option, then? Beating. Lock me up and I’d go starkers inside a week."
“Total agreement. I mean, it hurts, but then it’s over. Does that say something about us?"
“We’re not just masochists, we’re impatient masochists?”
-Buffy and Spike, ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“Pigs have thirty-minute orgasms. There was once this chicken that lived without a head for eighteen months. If you wear a Halloween costume in Ireland, you go to jail for a year. Spike is living with Xander and Anya.
“Okay. Now, I've heard everything.”
-Buffy, ‘Ghost in the Shell’ by Troll Princess

“Is that all?" He chuckled. "With the way you’re sulking about, I thought some big demony thing just ate Xander. Not that I’d care, mind you. Especially with the way he’s been strutting around lately, all unresolved sexual tension and manly prancing. I think he wants me."
“You think everyone wants you."
“Everyone usually does." He shrugged. "Can’t help it, Slayer. I’m a pretty, pretty man.”
-Spike and Buffy, ‘Super Food World’

She rolled the cart over to a produce display where Spike had begun tossing a coconut back and forth between his hands. "Do you know that more people die from getting hit on the head with coconuts than from shark attacks?"
“You watch way too much TV." Buffy picked up a peach, squeezed it to test its firmness, and it collapsed into goo in her palm. Stupid strength.
“Don’t see how," Spike continued. "’S not so heavy." He shrugged and tossed the coconut into the cart. “Could always use more weapons though.”
-Spike and Buffy, ‘Super Food World’

“I’m a terrible parent," Buffy said softly.
He eyed her curiously. "You got that from a bag of salad?”
-Buffy and Spike, ‘Super Food World’

“How could I let it get this bad?" she said. "How could I let myself get completely broke? And then I feel guilty about everything I’ve spent money on. Like last week I had an extra five bucks that I selfishly spent on a box of tampons."
“You know, as much as I’m enjoying this recent bonding thing we’ve had going on, you might try to remember that I’m a *guy*.”
-Buffy and Spike, ‘Super Food World’

“Spike favored Hank with the thirteenth smirk of the evening. There was an American for you; never mind the bloodsucking creature of the night bits, the astonishing thing is he speaks more than one language!”
- ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“Buffy could be unreasonably suspicious at times; just because he'd happened to mention that between the two of them they were probably strong enough to rip an ATM machine out of the wall and break it open didn't mean he was planning on doing it. Not any time soon, anyway.”
- ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“Until recently he'd scorned the idea--he was no one's lackey, and though he'd shed as many of the trappings of his living days as he could, there remained a stubborn core of William-beliefs so deeply ingrained as to be instinct: one opened doors for a lady, one paid one's gaming debts even if one had to knock over a convenience store to do so, and a gentleman didn't sully his hands with trade.”
- ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“What other possibilities were there? Besides his talents in the ass-kicking line, he spoke a dozen-odd languages, both human and demon, could identify hundreds of demon species on sight, had a working command of black magic combined with an intense distrust of same, possessed an eclectic knowledge of nineteenth and twentieth century human literature, wrote poetry badly, and had a certain knack for interior decorating on a non-existent budget--not exactly a resume calculated to bring in a six-figure salary in a small college town, even for someone who wasn't a legally dead illegal alien.”
- ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“How I, Spike, killer of two Slayers, one fourth of the Scourge Of Europe, and all around Big Bad, wound up playing hide and seek with the Slayer's teenaged sister, I still don't know. I was keysitting, she got bored, and next thing I knew, I was counting to thirty.”
- ‘Playtime,’ by Angel-4-ever

“All right, that's it! Somebody's got to brush up on their Latin. Because there is absolutely nothing in a spell to make Buffy stop kissing the caveman that sounds even remotely like, ‘Let's remove Spike's head and stick it in a mailbox at four o'clock in the bloody afternoon!’
“And is that fruitcake?”
-Spike, ‘Naked Swagger’

“I guess it's good that they locked me in here with Spike's headless body. He's not much for conversation, and bumps into things a lot, but there are worse people to be stuck with at the moment.”
-Buffy, ‘Naked Swagger’

“Spike!” she hissed, shaking him. “Giles. Phone. Ringing. Are we still truthful?”
“Who’s the sexiest man you’ve ever slept with?” he mumbled sleepily.
“You. Shit! How can I talk to Giles?”
-Buffy and Spike while under a truth spell, ‘Something True’ by astraea

Dawn: “I mean, um, you should stay, 'cause, uh . . . Oh! You haven't met Brother Lucius! He's one of my monks. He was venerating me earlier.”
Spike: “Really? Neat.”
-‘Answers and Questions’

“Buffy Anne Summers, Sunnydale, Called 1996, died 1997, 2001 et al., drove Watcher Rupert Giles to drink with a succession of vampire lovers.”
-‘Nescesary Evils’ by Barb

Angel was silent for a long while. “I don’t think I expected you to be taking it this calmly.”
“Neither did I, really, but apparently I have hidden depths.”
-Angel and Giles, ‘Nescesary Evils’ by Barb

"Dammit!" Donna twisted her key in the ignition in one final effort. The car coughed and groaned like an elderly marathon runner, and refused to start. She sat back in her seat and rapidly ran through every dirty name she knew - a list that somehow finished up at 'Conservative Republican'.
-‘Donna the Vampire Slayer

"Trained? Toby, I'm assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff of the United States, and you're the President's chief speechwriter. I don't have time to have a life, let alone train. And you don't have time to train me." Toby nodded. "We'll have to work something out with the lunch hours."
-Donna the Vampire Slayer

"It's a choco-mint-fudge-banana-whip-sundae," Xander told him.
"I want one!" [Sam] said immediately, and made a beeline for the nearest waitress. Josh smirked.
"You'll have to excuse him. He didn't have time for a life when he was at law school."
-Donna the Vampire Slayer

“There were several overturned cars in the parking lot, one of which, a small dark blue Tiercel, was teetering precariously on the very edge of the crater. He felt a most unheroic relief at the thought that his car was parked at the other end of the lot.”
-Xander, ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

“Xander spun round in place, looking for a weapon. Rocks. There had to be something a step up from rocks.”
- ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

"Mmm. Suppose beaning it with an axe wasn't conducive to negotiations, then."
Buffy’s jaw dropped. "Why did you--?”
Spike opened his mouth, realized he was about to say Because it bloody near broke my only pair of glasses, that’s why! and was overcome with the dire conviction that this, in conjunction with whatever Halfrek had already told her about the general pathetic wankerdom of his breathing days, would undoubtedly mean the end of his and Buffy’s short but eventful relationship in a fit of hysterical laughter. “It hit me first.”
- ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

"Right," Spike said, plumbing new depths of sarcasm. "Completely, utterly selfish. Makes a big difference to my hapless victims.” He tapped his skull with a forefinger. “The batteries go south tomorrow, and I happen on a tasty morsel in some alley during my midnight stroll--" He bared his fangs and adopted a menacing crouch. "Grr, argh!" He whipped round and cowered away from himself, wringing his hands. "Eek! Please don't eat me, you ruggedly handsome creature of the night, you!" Spike drew himself upright and struck a noble pose. "It’s your lucky day, little lady! Happens I'm off eating people; it upsets the missus. On your way!" Another volte face. "You mean you're not letting me go out of devotion to good for its own sake? You nasty vampire, get right back here and open a vein this minute!"
- ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

Whatever primal awe had struck him at the Harrier's appearance was wearing off fast. "I can't bloody well please any of you lot, can I?" Spike snapped. What did it matter what this jumped-up Christmas tree topper thought of him? “Not bad enough here, not good enough there--blow me a tune I don't know, Gabriel.” Not as if he'd expected a pat on the head from a representative of the Powers, any more than he'd expected Harris to jump for joy at the news Buffy was giving him a tumble, and it didn't sting either, not a bit. What had he expected, wide-eyed astonishment and 'Well, Spike old man, aren’t you extraordinary? Evil as the day is long, but doesn’t the white hat look dashing?'
- ‘Necessary Evils’ by Barb

"It didn't use to have boarded up windows and flaking paint and teenagers sleeping on the floors. Like a weird suburban version of a crack house, but without the fun that might go along with crack."
-Willow on the Summers' house in 'Deus Otiosis' by Annakovsky

"Of course, if I hear anyone headed towards the basement stairs I immediately shove the book under the covers, pull off my shirt and try to arrange the sheet over myself artistically, as if all I do all day is lounge about looking provocative. I've got a reputation to uphold, after all."
-Spike, in 'Back Before Dawn' by Annakovsky