Quotes on God, Religion, Heaven, Hell, and All That Business
God kills... well, God doesn't kill, but Christians kill... they just deny it...
Good deed taken care of for the day. Now I can be bad, bad, bad.
I prefer to think of them as the Ten Suggestions.
I think you're wrong, and fundamentally evil...but...good point. --Cat Carnell
If God were suddenly condemned to live the life he has inflicted upon men, he would kill himself. --Alexander Dumas
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, "Let there be light." And there was still nothing, but everybody could see it. --Dave Thomas, "SCTV"
Jesus is coming... look busy!
Legion of the Damned - Reserve. Fighting for the Forces of Evil One Weekend A Month.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. --George Carlin
Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but live for it. --Charles Caleb Colton
Once there was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled. This time is called the Dark Ages.
Sin Boldly.
The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma. --Abraham Lincoln
The church of my choice is the free, open world. --Jason Taverner
The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
Yes, I'm an agent of the devil....but my duties are mostly ceremonial.
You found God? If nobody claims him in 30 days, he's yours!
Your god is dead and no one cares.
" I call Christianity the *one* great curse, the *one* great intrinsic depravity, the *one* great instinct for revenge for which no expedient is sufficiently poisonous, secret, subterranean, *petty* -- I call it the *one* mortal blemish of mankind." ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Religions are all alike -- founded on fables and mythologies. ~Thomas Jefferson
" A certain sense of cruelty towards oneself and others is Christian; hatred of those who think differently; the will to persecute. Mortal hostility against the masters of the earth, against the 'noble', that is also Christian; hatred of mind, of pride, courage, freedom, libertinage of mind, is Christian; hatred of the senses, of joy in general, is Christian..." ~Friedrich Nietzsche
"Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet." ~Napoleon
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of Intelligence. ~Bertrand Russell
"And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six." ~Revelation 13:16-18
"Religious distress is at the same time the expression of the real distress and also the protest against real distress. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of the spiritless condition. It is the opium of the people." ~Karl Marx
Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. ~P.J. O'Rourke
"God bless Atheism!" ~Anon.
"Jesus loves you (but everyone else thinks you're an asshole)." ~Olga Koussi
"Surgeon General's Warning: Quitting Religion Now Greatly Increases the Chances of World Peace."
"Nothing defines human better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating and religion." -Scott Adams 'The Dilbert Principle'
But this is the second work of the law: when it hath by its convictions brought the sinner into a caondidtion of a sense of guilt which he cannot avoid, -- nor will anything tender him relief, which way soever he loos, for he is in a desert, -- it represents utno him the holiness and severity of God, with his indignation and wrat against sin; which have a resmelance of a consuing fire. This fills his heart with dread and terror and makes him see his miserable, undone condition. ~John Owen
Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. ~Pascal
I no longer fear hell -- I work in Retail
I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there, and I don't want to have to see you every day.
"They say foul beings of Old Times still lurk In dark forgotten corners of the world, And Gates still gape to loose, on certain nights, Shapes pent in Hell." ~Cthulhu Mythos
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. ~Dante, "Dante's Inferno" (Above the entrance to Hell)
"Subtle, sparkling, dazzling, glorious, and radiantly awesome, in appearance like a mirage moving across a landscape in spring-time in one continuous stream of vibrations... That is the radiance of thine own true nature." - Bardo Thodol (The Tibetan Book Of The Dead)
"A God defined is a God confined." - Unknown
"What guarantee is there that the five senses, taken together, do cover the whole of possible experience?... There are gaps between the fingers; there are gaps between the senses. In these gaps is the darkness which hides the connection between things... The darkness is the source of our vague fears and anxieties, but also the home of the Gods." - Alan Watts, The Book
"I was walking across a bridge one day, and i saw a man standing on the edge,about to jump off. so i ran over and said "stop! don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious."I said, "Me too! Are you christian or buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you catholic or protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me too! Are you episcopalian or baptist?" He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are you baptist church of god or baptist church of the lord? "He said, "Baptist church of god!" I said, "Me too! Are you original baptist church of god, or are you reformed baptist church of god?" He said, "Reformed baptist church of god!" I said, "Me too! Are you reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off." -Emo Phillips
"The toughest time...in anyone's life...is when you have to kill a loved one just because they're the devil." -Emo Phillips
"…when someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"-Ghostbusters
"No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots." - George Bush (I dunno if this is bush senior, or junior)
"The truth is that Christian theology, like every other theology, is not only opposed to the scientific spirit; it is also opposed to all other attempts at rational thinking. Not by accident does Genesis 3 make the father of knowledge a serpent -- slimy, sneaking and abominable. Since the earliest days the church as an organization has thrown itself violently against every effort to liberate the body and mind of man. It has been, at all times and everywhere, the habitual and incorrigible defender of bad governments, bad laws, bad social theories, bad institutions. It was, for centuries, an apologist for slavery, as it was the apologist for the divine right of kings." - H. L. Mencken
"If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it." - Thomas Carlyle
"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with there lips, then walk out the door and deny him by lifestyle"
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell, but with better inconveniences."--- Aldous Huxley
"Providence has given to our people the choice of their rulers. And it is the duty as well as the privilege and interest, of a Christian nation to select and prefer Christians for their rulers."--- First Chief Justice of Supreme Court John Jay
"Which is it? Is man God's only mistake or God only man's mistake?"---Friedrich Nietzche
"Whoever wants to be a Christian must be intent on silencing the voice of reason."---Martin Luther (Sermons on the Gospel of St. John, Luther's Works, V.23, p. 99)
"The inability or unwillingness to hate makes a person worthless. If we do not hate detestable things, the quality of our character is suspect. The Bible commands that we hate."---H. A. (Buster) Dobbs, Editor of Firm Foundation magazine and Church of Christ preacher, from the June 1994 issue.
"I want you to let a wave of hatred wash over you. Yes, hate is good . . . our goal is a Christian nation. We have the biblical duty, we are called on by God to conquer this country. We don't want equal time. We don't want pluralism..." ---Randall Terry, Director of Operation Rescue, from The News Sentinel (Ft. Wayne, IN, 16 August, 1993.)
Revelations 6:12 - And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood.
A reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20: Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." ~Monty Python, Monty Python and the Holy Grail
I'm an angel. I kill newborns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. And occasionally, when I feel like it, I tear little girls apart. And from now till kingdom come... the only thing you can count on... in your existence... is never understanding why. -Gabriel, Prophecy
Did you ever notice how in the Bible, when ever God needed to punish someone, or make an example, or whenever God needed a killing, he sent an angel? Did you ever wonder what a creature like that must be like? A whole existence spent praising your God, but always with one wing dipped in blood. Would you ever really want to see an angel? -Thomas Daggett, Prophecy
*A dog's view of the world: "Wow. These people feed me, take care of me, they must be gods." *A cat's view of the world: "Wow. These people feed me, take care of me, I must be a god."
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this
"Its time to stop worshipping gods, and aim at becoming gods." -Markoff Chaney
"It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him." -Arthur C. Clarke
"He is YOUR god, they are YOUR rules, YOU burn in hell."
To die for a religion is easier to live it absolutely. -"Deutsches Requiem" by George Louis Borges
I've got my place in hell all staked out. A nice condo on the 6th level, with a portal down to the seventh to keep the beer cold. -Styles
Now I've laid me down to die I pray my neighbors not to pry Too deeply into sins that I Not only cannot here deny But much enjoyed as life flew by. -Preston Sturges, Epitaph
"We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God."
Christ believed in hell. I do not myself feel that any person who is really profoundly humane can believe in everlasting punishment. -Bertrand Russell
Sin harder! Ragnarok is coming!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?" -Quentin Crisp
We're going to die within the next seven and a half miniutes. Making peace with yourself and/or your deity might be an excelent career move. -Keith DeCandido
"And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?" They replied, "You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the ontological foundation of the context of our very selfhood revealed." And Jesus replied, "What?""
"God is dead and I want His job."
"A Christian is a man who feels Repentant on a Sunday For what he did on Saturday And will do again on Monday."
Why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time? - Katharine Whitehorn
Better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven. -Milton
The Christian view that all intercourse outside marriage is immoral was, as we see in the above passages from St. Paul, based upon the view that all sexual intercourse, even within marriage, is regrettable. A view of this sort, which goes against biological facts, can only be regarded by sane people as a morbid aberration. The fact that it is embedded in Christian ethics has made Christianity throughout its whole history a force tending towards mental disorders and unwholesome views of life. -Bertrand Russell
All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness of the few. -Stendhal
Religious reasons do not excuse violence: they accuse religion.
Why does the Vatican have lightning rods?
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel. According to Professor Howison, of the California State University, Hebrews are heathens. -Ambrose Bierce
'I have looked into the abyss, and the abyss has looked into me. Neither liked what we saw.' -Brother Theodore
Heresy is another word for freedom of thought. -Graham Greene
"Without evil, you cannot define good." -William Bartley
No, I don't have any problem with a young religion [Wicca]. If it was created by folks in England who liked to dance naked in the woods, great. It can't possibly be any worse than a religion started by blood-thirsty wife-beating goat herders in the middle of the freakin' desert. -Alex Isgut
True nobility is in being superior to your previous self. -Hindustani Proverb
May the devil learn you are dead one half hour after you are in heaven.
My God is alive--sorry about yours.
Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich. Why settle for the lesser of two evils?
In the beginning, God created the Baptists. And the Baptists looked at their ownselves and said, "We good." And God saw it was too late.
Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. -G.K. Chesterton
Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God. -Lenny Bruce
"I absolutely believe in God... and I absolutely hate the fucker." ~Pitch Black
"The meek shall inherit the Earth - they're too weak to refuse." ~Graffiti
"Courage is easy by candlelight. Your faith, I suspect, is in the flame." Death grinned. - Discworld.
" From the start, the christian faith is a sacrifice; a sacrifice of all freedom, all pride, all self-confindence of the spirit; at the same time, enslavement and self mockery, self humiliation. There is a cruelty and religious Phoenicianism in this faith which is expected of an over-ripe, multiple, and much spoiled conscience." F. N.
"Should we continue to look upwards? Is the light we can see in the sky one of those which will presently be extinguished? The ideal is terrifying to behold, lost as it is in the depths, small, isolated, a pin-point, brilliant but threatened on all sides by the dark forces that surround it; nevertheless, no more in danger than a star in the jaws of the clouds. (Les Miserables)" ~Victor Hugo
"And don't tell me God works in mysterious ways. There's nothing so mysterious about it. He's not working at all. He's playing. Or He's forgotten all about us. That's the kind of God you people talk about- a country bumpkin, a clumsy, bungling, brainless, conceited, uncouth hayseed. Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phelgm and tooth decay in His divine system or creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatlogical mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain?" ~Joseph Heller, Catch-22 (pg 189)
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off." ~Stephen King 1947
God does not play dice with the universe: He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. ~Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens
"Demons are not real, my child. They're parables, metaphors for the darkness within each of us." (church door blows open) "Then what the Hell is that!" ~Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. ~Woody Allen
"Where are we going, and what am I doing in this handbasket?"
It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him. --Arthur C. Clarke
I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure of. --Clarence Darrow
In the beginning Man created God; and in the image of Man created he him. --Jethro Tull, "Aqualung"
The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad. -Nietzsche
My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards the universe and denies only gods fashioned by men in their own image, to be servants of their human interests. --George Santayana
There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it. --George Bernard Shaw
I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. --Oscar Wilde
I believe in god, I just don't like him.
Jesus loves you. I don't. Get out of my way!
It is usually when men are at their most religious that they behave with the least sense and the greatest cruelty. -Ilka Chase
Birds gather in flocks, morons gather in congregations.
Never work higher magic in clothes you can't run in
I believe that our Heavenly Father created man because he was disappointed in the monkey. --Sammuel Clemmens (Mark Twain)
"So that's what Hell is: I'd never have believed it...Do you remember, brimstone, the stake, the gridiron?... What a joke! No need of a gridiron, Hell is other people." - Jean-Paul Sartre
Religion easily has the greates bullshit story ever told. Think about it, religion has actually convinced people that there's an INVISIBLE MAN...LIVING IN THE SKY...who watches everything you do, every minute of everyday. And the invisible man has a list of ten special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time... BUT.. he loves you." -George Carlin, 'Brain Droppings
Hobbes: "Do you think there's a God?" Calvin: "Well, somebody's out to get me."
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
