Q. My 21 yr old daughter, Alice, was raped in May, 03. But I must digress. She is a college dropout primarily from depression. A year ago she straightened out, worked for almost a year, then basically worked intentently on bead craft--never saw friends, never went out...several months. Last Christmas time she started dating, lots of fun times, in school, but not doing well. Dating relationship went sour...school went worse. Partying a lot, into marijuana and cocaine snorting...then the gang rape. Had lots of counseling, more and more cocaine abuse and staying up all night. Not working, living all over town (not at home). Parents took away gas card, then car and we required her to get a job and show us clean drug tests. Never could. Changed house locks. We see her once/twice a week for a dinner or trip to see Grandma. Does nothing but party all nite, sleep all day. Bums off friends, perhaps dealing drugs. Now, at Christmas time, we wonder what would be appropriate gifts. We are hoping she will 'hit bottom' and see need for help that she will truly seek sobriety and accept the counseling she needs. On Lexapro, Topomax. Gotten really skinny.

A. Sam,

First of all the holidays is a hard time and I totally feel for your emotions surrounding your daughter. What you said in your last sentence says it all. You are hoping that she will hit rock bottom and get the help she needs. You cannot tell what someone's rock bottom is. Everyone has different levels of tolerance. You said that she is on meds? Is she seeing a professional regularly or was it a one time thing to get psychiatric medications? Is she in any kind of therapy? Perhaps the best gift you can give her this season is the gift of life. Check her into a treatment facility, go to a counseling session together, sit down and tell her you love her and you miss her and that you don't know what to do for her, but you have to do something. My family told me that they couldn't watch me ruin my life anymore and that until I was able to get some help or let them help me, I was on my own. Cut off. This was my rock bottom, being cut off from the people I loved, even if I did not show them love at the time. I wish you the best and remember that you can only do so much, the decision to change one's life must come from that person. My best wishes to you and your family.
Jeanne